Jeff_

#4
Going on a 1 week vacation, no poker or anything related to it. Time to get some rest and enjoy life. It seems like a lot of free time but I am gonna be occupied in that period. Have places to visit, things to catch and stuff to do. Quite excited about it, even though I feel a little bit upset that I won't be able to play for some time and that I won't be able to undo my mistakes and show my best at the tables in the coming days. Have feeling that I need more time to chase loses, missplays and …. For example if you play some computer game (like dota) and you lose a game just before turning off the PC. The itchy feeling of playing a little bit more to win might come to you. Don’t know what it is called but there is some negative sediment inside.

Uploaded my hands to GTOWizard, made quite a few mistakes in 4bet pots. They are quite hard to play and sometimes illogical. For sure there can be a lot of edge there because people in general don’t study it or play well. I think computers will crush humans so badly in that situation. Mistakes are costly and as I mentioned, hard to play and navigate, especially as a caller. For aggressor in general you either valuebet and trying to put all money in, or bluffing. And with bluffs it is not the most difficult play.

I have a feeling that I punted decently this month. Tried hard to win and made some questionable plays. Bluffed big and sometimes without much sense. That’s not a bad approach or making me feel too bad. It is what it is. Sometimes you try hard to win and it pays off, other times it is just dumping bb away. When you play aggressively you will have a lot of swings in the short term. But if you do things right, long term you will have less! Hope it does make sense

GLLLLL
LET'S GET BACK SOON AND DO SOME STUPID STUFF
Like this one oO

#3

This month has not been good in terms of monetary results. Losing a few BI and not getting lucky (yes, complaining that no more luck!!!!). Even though I feel like it is not such a bad run, just something is not there. Some bluffs not working, some calldowns not working, some situations I have to give up and other times just didn’t quite get there.
After winning for 4 months straight, losing becomes frustrating. Challenges make me stressed and when other players fight back I start to tilt. For me personally losing was always hard, when I was kid, in school and in university. Painful, frustrating and makes me feel miserable. Like I did something wrong, didn't try hard enough and can be really guilty afterwards. In poker you can lose differently - you can lose by making a great play or you can lose by doing something which you aren’t exactly sure of. And that uncertainty is really what is getting to me, because I am that type of person, uncertainty always feels like my fault and mistake. Blame myself and things around :(

This week also I noticed that I am negative and toxic(well I noticed it before but today was AHA moment), quite moody and unsatisfied. Super easy to get annoyed, irritated and angry. Though it has always been like that but now the picture is getting clearer (more feedback). When I had bad results last year it was of course because of variance. Which is uncontrollable so nothing to be done there. But another thing which stands for me now is that last year I was quite negative, angry and like having a passive tilt inside. For some people it can affect regular life a bit, including work/studies and other areas (health…). It is okay to be negative and annoyed sometimes but you know it has to have a reason. If the reason is too small and not important it is something to take note of.
What I was angry about today? Hm I did a few plays which didn’t work. I was annoyed with losing and that players won vs me without a showdown. I was angry that I can’t really play calmly and A-game. Was irritated that I didn’t know what to do in certain situations. Angry that I couldn't play perfectly and etc…
Those reasons are totally reasonable and ok. They of course have meaning behind them and are supposed to be important for me since poker is my main occupation. It's okay to have emotions! My approach is always emotional poker and life in general. Just want to accept it and live fully in it.
In life also. What am I angry about? That my schedule is a bit moving. That somebody is distracting me. That someone didn’t text me in the morning and …. That my computer glasses were a bit dirty…. That I need to do something, need to do XYZ if I don’t do that's unacceptable
Also okay to be like that! Accepting it and taking it into consideration. Not blocking, not trying to leave it/block it/rid of it. Think way to be less angry is actually acceptance and letting those emotions fully. Let myself angry and let is flow into me, noticing it sometimes ‘“ OH I FEEL ANGRY, maybe because of XYZ’’ ‘’BUT IT IS OKAY, EMOTIONS ARE PART OF MY LIFE’’ ‘’WILL FIND MYSELF AND PEACE IN IT’’

When I was playing poker it was quite a rollercoaster. Sometimes I feel happy, sometimes angry, sometimes I really want to fight back and sometimes I am really calm and focused, sometimes I am so stressed, sometimes I feel like the game is not so hard. Hehe! All can be in one day “)
Though I want to write: if I am playing too aggressively or trying to win spots too much it is not necessarily bad. Sometimes banana bluffs work and bizarre lines also. And it is a great feeling when you do something illogical and the next player folds.
Also I feel so motivated towards poker. I write a lot of bad stuff in this journal. I mean things which I don’t like and some mindset issues. Like: I was tilted today, blah blah blah
Like: had a bad session, …….

Good things in my life: 1)I am healthy, everything is good in my personal life. Environment is great! Leisure is awesome
2)Motivated and inspired towards poker. A lot of energy and strength
3)I really love poker. After around 16-20 years when I first played it. I really enjoy it. I love it so much that playing it actually tends to bring me happiness. There were days when I felt bad in the morning before playing and after finishing playing, studies, exercise, everything become good and felt also great inside ( in brain, in my soul)

P.s. I forget the really important thing which is also SUPERB. When I was losing today, at some point I started to feel really calm, really focused and in the zone. Nothing bothered me, nothing was important, I felt good inside, I felt strong and above everything (not other players, above losing)

#2

Arrived home 3 days ago. Already played 2 days. What can I tell? I didn’t expect that everything was going to be tough and difficult as it is. Honestly I thought I could continue where I left off, pretty much keeping my head straight and showing my knowledge. Making good plays, smart decisions, and sometimes mistakes here in there.
But reality is different - I am not used to my old set up and even my old schedule. Stressed more often, overthinking, trying too hard (perfection). Obviously it is frustrating, even some basic decisions like defending range BUvsBB I struggle a bit. Because I can't remember and I didn’t like that. My brain sometimes is slow and stunned. Easily end up making range mistakes and logic errors. Good players can exploit it!

Besides, I have to play chico, ipoker and some other room. Which is by any means not making me happy at all. Euro rooms aren’t available, ohh I miss the good old times in the past. Everything was so easy and simple back then… Most rooms were available, far more action and so much convenience.
Now more angry, frustrated, annoyed with things around. Which is not such a healthy attitude I think.

From positive notes - I am eager to study and play. Inspired, motivated, a bit happy and sometimes really focused. There are a lot of opportunities and a lot to be grateful of. I quite often forget to focus on good things and find all negatives around and take note of that. Also my expectations are a bit high and I am trying too hard as well. Both of this is regular for me.

Considering everything going around, shouldn’t expect good results or great quality of my play. But I like to play and enjoy it. Feel like game bring me some missing parts and it makes me fulfilled and satisfied.
Good luck to everyone and be grateful for what you have!

Tilting even can't post hand properly since Wizard doesn't make screenshots (probably because of the country restrictions, not their fault).
Made a range call vs rec. Vs 16%; 33%; 100% sizing (river was blank). Which looking by his sizing scheme now doesn't seem that good. But in game decided to call everything which was possible to call. Too many random hands in his range and value aren't playing like that often

Before going home, good luck next week

#1

From now on I am gonna numerate my posts, finding it more convenient whenever I want to reread my blog. Also looks cool!

Month update:

Played 2 days this month so far, running good but losing. Which can be weird right? Yes, I am not joking you can be running decently but still end up losing some amount bb (not because different limits also)!
My mind is not in the best place for now because of the travel, so it is gonna affect my game. 2 more days to play this week and tomorrow I'm gonna play early in the morning.

Two hands:
There were 2 memorable hands of this month. At least they are still in my memory, however in a couple of days I will absolutely forget them. They are both kinda splashy and super random. Especially one hand which is played most likely by emotions, though it makes me feel a bit happy which is good. Second one also played how I wanted to play.

Not gonna post 1 because it is too embarrassing. It is in 4 bet pots EP vs MP. I was a preflop aggressor and 4bettor. Had overpair AA on the middle board. Made an interesting slowplay and donk jammed the river as a merge/bluff. Completely lost any logic and sense in that hand. In theory the hand is not supposed to be played like that and river jam only fish can do. Another thing if the caller is playing releasing equity strategy on the flop than checking flop and turn is not so good.

Was a bit driven by emotions though and wanted to smash/crush there. You know? Try hard to make big play every pot. Didn’t work since I runned into 2nd nuts which by the way never suppose to be there

hand2
This hand I just wanted to call a river. I don’t care that he probably needs to turn flushes into a bluff. Probably optimally my hand is supposed to bet fold almost always, especially because we also can’t bluff pretty much and our value range is nut flush+.
Man, I was so curios and felt like - ohh boy, what you have there? Really TT and KK?

In both of those hands, other players might think that I am fish and dont know what I was doing. Second one I imagine he smiled a lot and felt really good inside. It is a situation that he should really get many herofolds from thinking players. Actually in his shoes I would run a bluff at least sometime. But not sure, maybe I wouldn’t. If people are not folding nut flush, that's a line to get value and fold everything. But you never get samples or information.
Do I think those hands are very well played? Nope
Do I think I should’ve played differently ? Nope
Do I like my plays? Yes I do
Did I learn something? Absolutely and also I made observations

April 1st
In the last 3 weeks I missed two Mondays of playing. Both of them I felt sad, unhappy and didn’t have any desire to play. Finding any excuses why not to play.
My schedule is Monday-Friday, five playing days and if I miss Monday I just play 4 days per week. Which is not a bad thing, since I am gonna be more fresh and interested. But… if I am gonna do it too often, that's gonna compound for too many days off in a couple of months. Especially when there are things we can’t control and might need an extra day off. Sunday I am never gonna play, there is no point for me and I am not gonna start doing it.
Sometimes I feel like I don't want to play at all, not happy and moody. Why is that?
1)Could be avoiding feeling frustration, sadness, and stress from playing
2)Could be avoiding bad results aka ‘’losing money I won already’’
3)Could be burned out
4)Could not have clear goals or motivation (first I have and second is not so obvious)
5)Could be also not happy (many reasons why not feel happy, especially because I am an emotional person)

Start to feel quite unhappy, not with poker, just with my life and how my happiness has weak fundamentals. It can be ruined easily and if it happens I am gonna struggle a lot. Which is also making me overthink, stress, ruminate about future imagining bad scenarios. Yesterday evening/night I felt sadness and when I went to bed felt like my mind was occupied with worries and I couldn’t fall asleep for long. At some point I just gave up trying and opened my eyes to stay awake - shortly after that I fell asleep. It actually reminds me of poker - sometimes I try so hard which results in stress, emotions and anger. And If I stop trying and go easy it will just become much better.

Poker has been going good this year, running good and winning. Even bananas plays are working and I catch a hot run at nl1000. Bluffcatching been right also, oftenly.
Do I find myself motivated? Yes!!! There are so many areas to improve and things to learn. Game is interesting and puzzling. There are nl1000; nl2000; nl5000 and sites I stayed away from. Damn those things make my heart beat faster and bring a lot of excitement. Competing with guys like Sunni, Enfant, Deano and others is like a dream.
Besides, there is always gonna be money. Travels, new experiences, new horizons.

Life has also been going very well. Everything is smooth and lovely. Yes, it has a weak base and can change to the opposite quickly. Life is too random and unstable. If something is good now it doesn’t mean it's gonna continue to be good, nor it doesn’t mean it's gonna become bad.
Bangkok I don't find a good city to live in. Stress, noise, overcrowding , smoke, rush and everything to make you feel negative. But my time here is superb.

This week I am gonna play Tuesday-Friday 5th; Saturday flight to my home for a couple of weeks. But I'm gonna play next week as well, not sure how much though and which sites. A lot of uncertainty but that's okay, there is some room for flexibility and change. Tomorrow I will play, poker brings me enjoyment and a feeling of satisfaction. Not always happy though but happiness is not a destination, right? I am not gonna sit and play to make best decisions possible and that gonna translate to happy emotions. No, I am just gonna play because I like it and find it super interesting.

March

This month has been the luckiest in my poker journey. Also it is the biggest winning month in my overall career. Which is quite good and makes me very happy. Especially after 2023 where I finished the year in small losses/around breakeven.
Of course I was lucky at nl1000; where I didn’t play a lot but win a lot. I recall winning 6k in one hour there in ‘’god run mode’’. It is a weird feeling though, everything is too good and smooth, without obstacles and challenges. Anyway I am gonna keep observing what's going on and good luck to everyone in April.
Let’s see how it will go :)

Key thoughts:
1)Variance, variance and variance.
2)Importance of positive mood and happiness in life. Though feeling irritated and anxious is also okay! As being unhappy and sad sometimes. No need to get rid of those emotions or fight them
3)Preparation for the challenges of upcoming poker session (Visualisation, self-talk)
4)Try hard approach
5)Rushing and racing throughout the day,'' like rat in a wheel''
6)Being too productive, effective (no room for relaxation, forgiveness, to be happy with what I have)
7)If I have time to think, it doesn’t mean that thinking about something is the best thing to do. For example: while eating or exercising, firstly it rarely brings any solution to the topic, secondly it takes away energy. Thirdly it is not bring happiness

Goals for next month:
1.Play nl500-1000; shot nl2000 (3BI stop loss, 2.5 BI move up), shot nl5000 (1BI stop loss, 1 BI move up)
Hopefully I won't get crushed and don’t make a lot of embarrassing plays.
2.Studying poker while playing
3.Accepting my bad and good qualities, bad moods and negative thoughts, overthinking and worrying. It is okay to experience it and it is part of my game
4.Remind my expectations and being aware of them
5.Learn SRP SBvsBB; analyse 2 spots BUvsBB and spend few hours on psychology

Also I wrote some goals for the next 5 months. Two of those I want to mention here:
-Want to take one micro-low stakes player and help him on his way up
-Will take few psychology sessions in coming months

P.S. Not gonna play apps as planned before. Feel like not worth it for now and it is kinda stressfull games so pass!
It is sucks that no really games above nl1000 to catch. I am not talking about IPOKER, WPN and other shady sites. Not sure if I should play high there. Not gonna play GG for sure, I know have many tables there but thank you!

My month pretty much:

If someone wondering Im just clicking buttons there. My WWSF is 46 and WTSD is 26, for sure a tight carefull player

Last 2 days lost sense of the game. Game are quite weird and unexpected, some things made me suprised as well. Besides lost 2k in other room

As easy it was yesterday, as tough it is today. Pretty much I feel like I got smashed and I don’t know how to win anymore. Having a decent bluff combo and situation, bluffing it and getting called. By nuts, or by weird hands. Having value hands and everyone folds. It is a variance distribution which can make me believe I’m doing everything wrong.
Some absolutely stupid bananas bluff get fold, and some reasonable combos to bluff get called. Obviously getting called by nuts is not an issue at all, that's a pretty standard outcome and can be well played hand. But when it happened quite often during the session I started to lose sense of the game. Actually that's my fault which I accept and am happy about.

However, another thing is an observation I’m not happy about. Actually also acceptable and can’t blame myself for being myself.
The thing is the worse I spend my time and the more negative energy I have, the bigger effect I get. Small irritations and anxious feelings, impact me quite big. I felt pretty sad and unhappy yesterday which translated into a not so good morning and rest of today. Luck just made it bigger and more obvious to see. Why wasn't I happy? Well there are some IRL troubles, worries and problems. Totally normal stuff to be upset and negative.
Just fine to be sad and upset and fine to be angry afterwards. However If I have to choose, playing with a good mood is preferable and overall being happy in leisure time is something I would like to incorporate more. Having so many things to be happy about and excited! Good to remind myself it.

Key thoughts of today: Be happy and find happiness in things you are doing and in situation you are in. Grateful for opportunites you have, for joy, and for health. Just living is a biggest gift! Worrying is okay, being anxious and irritated also. Sometimes it is even good to feel negative! They have their own benefits and positive sides. No need to be angry or upset with feelings, or try to get rid of them/block or run away. Just let them be

I was supposed to start playing Monday but skipped the day. It was a tough decision and I felt guilty afterwards. Decided to rest more because I feel like it is a good idea. Not only getting energy, motivation and excitement. But also controlling myself.
I am kinda person who can’t take even 1 hour off during a normal working day. So taking the whole day is a big step and accepting those emotions is also a good part. Feel very unproductive, feel like I am the laziest person in the world and I really SHOULD play. Committing some crime…

Observing my emotions and feelings. That’s actually the same feeling I might feel after a mistake or bad choice. For some people it is hard to play but for me it is hard to take an unplanned day off. Where I just sit home and watch some random youtube videos, read a book or play games. Feel good that I allowed myself to do nothing and be lazy.
Kinda easy to fall off being super productive and get going non stop and forget everything, forget that life is full of wonderful moments. Results rarely bring happiness to me, many things which seem important are actually not important at all. They get forgotten with time or not have any thoughts after a few days/week.

Travel was good though and it is something different which brings new experience and doesn’t let me overthink about the future and be in the moment.

Tuesday started playing. At first I felt a bit rusty, not sure what's going on and even didn’t want to play. Because playing can bring negative emotions and I don’t want to be in that state. But after a short time of playing I started to feel happy and interested.
Time flew quite fast and felt very fresh. Made some mistakes and did something which I am very unsure of but overall it was not such a difficult day. Yeah, in poker it is like this - can have an easy day and can have super tough with many spots where there is a lot of uncertainty. Reminding myself about variance, lowering my expectations and being mindful. Can take luck as a skill, good results as proof of knowledge and really delude myself. Which is by the way not a bad thing at all.
Anyways good luck and I'm gonna keep playing tomorrow. Excited to play-learn and observe players at the table.

Didn’t update yesterday because I decided to look at the results after the last playing day of the week. Previously I checked in Thursday and Friday felt a little bit more stressful and result oriented. Wanted to write some thoughts yesterday but decided to skip.
Month so far have been lucky, especially lucky at nl1000. Where one day I won like 6 stacks in less than 1 hour playing 1 table with semi-rec. Other than that I think that things are going my way quite often. However I dropped a little on a non-tracked site. Where actually things are not so good.

Playing poker as before, clicking some buttons and doing some things. Quite often I feel stressed or anxious which also makes me play non ideal. However, that's totally okay, that's my approach - play non ideal. Making blunders, missplaying hand and doing logic errors.

Today after 3 hours of playing I started to feel tired. A lot of energy is spent on emotions and thinking about the hands. When you self doubt and uncertain you spend a lot of energy and drain yourself. When you get tired you are much easier to start having EGO, berate opponents or get upset with a bad beat. Besides less energy to think deeply about the hands!

But I'm gonna take the weekend off. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach and will enjoy some wine in a relaxing atmosphere. Coming back to poker next monday. Let's see how things will go from there :)

Plans - gonna shoot nl2000 and play it if there is a weak player at the table. Gonna use 2 BI stop loss and if win 3 BI will jump to nl5000. However there are not a lot of good games at nl1000 and it's pretty hard to play it. Nl2000 is pretty much only for shot taking because it is very rare to have good action. Besides I’m not sure about some pokerrooms like IPOKER, it feels like a lot of bots and not many recs. So I don’t play it higher than nl500. Same goes to WPN Network and a few other rooms. Bots in poker have a lot of potential, they are not GTO solver which you can play against like a GTO WIZARD and show decent results. Noooo. Bots are very good and they use population analyses to crush the games. They have great red line and unorthodox high aggression (i’m judging by few bots from WPN which got banned). So there are not a lot of choices in terms of nl2000.
Also considering learning a bit of HU, but not sure at all because also bots and battling regs there are no value. But can hold tables and also have some action when I feel sharp and fresh, even vs regulars (not top of course).

Today I was studying 3bet pots many hours straight, what I can tell - frustration and mistakes always there. So many neuristics and so many details there which aren't even logical. Getting absolutely crushed by machine without a chance.
Good news that it is okay, of course pretty annoying to study it and didn't get any visible result. To study and still do big blunders every 10 hands. To study and get ''heavy head'' but don't remember much.
Fine, will do one more board and call it off. Not even planning to play GTO, copy GTO in game? Hehe how can I mimic something which I don't know :) Silly that I even study it and try to make understanding!
Noo, bye bye strategies, copying those things for other people who are more smart than me and intellegent. I want to play and have fun, enjoy and not think too much. All fun is in clicking buttons and trying to make sense of your plays

Prepared quite well for the last day of playing before time off. Which not sure helped me or not but first 4 hours I maintained myself pretty decent. Run not so good but felt nice inside which is very important. Sometimes opposite is happening - running hot but inside feel bad, maybe not even because of poker, but yeah.
However last hour was interesting, games absolutely dried and no tables except few reg wars here and there. Was sitting quite a bit of time without any action, and at the end action started to pick up. Felt so emotional and so desired to win, like chasing loses - ''hot head'', reduced focus and also short term thinking with result oriented approach. It is okay to feel this way, just why those emotions came...
Firstly don't want to finish my day/week with something bad or anger (which I did today). Especially frustration to have those feelings before day off!
Secondly when things doesn't work (missing bluffs/bluffcatches/getting called where didn't expect) often I blame myself and take it as a lack of focus/concentration or something else. Getting annoyed, angry !
Thirdly likely I start to try too hard again, which causing more stress/frustration. Trying too hard to win and have best month in my career.
Fourth already tired and accumulated many emotions throughout the week. Overthinking and also struggling.

Weekly thursday update:
New horizons&
Want to start with a big accomplishment woohooo. Today I played around 10 hands at nl2000. Why 10 hands? Just because game broke afterwards. Managed to bluff fish for 700$ :D So first shot can be cosidered as successful. Quite excited to play it and feel inspired and motivated. Actually if somebody asked me year ago - do I ever see myself playing nl2k?; even shot taking, I would answer ''No way''. I'm not gonna tell that it is easy to play as high as this or I consider myself to be winning player. No, feeling just clicking buttons and doing some things which I am not confident in.
One of my poker goals is to play nl2000, but I haven't reached it. Because for now it is just scary shots taking, not my standard scheduled session . Which is okay! For sure good to be afraid and anxious. A lot of money on the line and those shots can really affect montly results (in a positive way also, not only negative )

Emotions&

Nevertheless I feel unhappy with my perfomance and mistakes I am making. Some things make me feel dissapointed and stupid. I still tilt and emotions race in me. Last sentence is shows that my expectations is not real. --I will always tilt, there are no imporvement which completely get rid of that feeling. Actually If I ever find solution, maybe in that day I wouldn't even enjoy playing poker or feel interested in it.
Besides I have some unconsious thoughts which make me angry, dissapointed, frustrated, dissatisfied, annoyed. It is bit funny that losing can cause so many emotions and induce some feelings(last one is not funny, it is pretty logical and make a lot of sense). Well numbers tell that losing is happening way to often and winning always is not realistic!
But sometimes mind try to justify those illogical thoughts and even deeply belive in it. Like I reach the point - where I won't ever lose again. Losing in the past, now I am completely different player and playing better strategy. Yeah, opponents are not like me, I am unique and out of varience. Everything is under my control, every day and every session.

Strategies&
Poker also feel incrediable tough, so many different spots, so many things to learn and master. Yeah, whatever, do what I can and playing how it goes. Not perfect, not ideal or good by any means.
By the way if poker was much easier maybe it wouldn't be so interesting game. If I would always feel good and play only A-game maybe it wouldn't improve me as much. Easy way doesn't mean it is good way.
While playing agaisnt strong competition I realized that complex strategy really isn't beneficial. Opponents can pick up it really good, for example OTB or Stefan were expert in those areas, they would punish splits sizings very well. Their logic is strong and hand analyses. So If I try to play 3 sizing split on the river, they would likely know better than me which line I am underbluffing and which overbluffing. Where they can pressure me or find thin value raises.
Also fishes, I tried to bluff they massively in small spots, they not so foldy which not exaclty tells a lot but something to watch in the future.
Don't think I am great player, I feel quite weak to be honest in many areas, and I wouldn't put myself anywhere in ranks. Just told some of my observations on games, hope some things which I observe is correct and hope I am doing at least some things right.

Today was eventfull day. I started playing and in the first hour of playing I made best day in my whole poker career. Probably I might think in the future- ''Wow in march 5th 2024 I played so well and just crushed my oppositon. Like Mancester City in their last games!!!''. Hehe nothing like that, just coolers/bad beats and setups to fellow reg players. Actually I won everything from reg players which tells that was on a massive heater.
To be fair it was biggest amount of money I had on the table. Okay, let me celebrate it and give myself congratulations. Now, moving forward.
Rest of the day was somewhat normal.
Now if good game will pop up I am gonna jump to nl2k. Gonna drop all tables and focus only on that one table. Wish myself goodluck and don't spew too much, probably gonna end up doing some massive mistakes because of amount of money but thats allright. At least experience and learning while playing!

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Don't know but recent run might provoce ego issues and desire to win more. Trying too hard and being dissapointed even more if it don't go my way.
Whenver I try too hard it (most of the times) results worse than normal.
Mindset and psychology is super important and that easily define good from top. My mental game not the best but it is pretty much my personality and have big roots. So I just accepted it!

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Lastly I want to write to (myself in the future) about something which facinate me. I am watching Formula 1 for quite a bit Maybe since I was kid, but not every race of course in that time.
Now have one driver who is so far ahead from everyone. He breaking records and win every race. Of course it resulted in a bit of hate and grudge. Nevertheless this guy is absolute legend!
What qualities he have and whats make him so good. Well his car by the way also the best one on the grid but if we put any other driver next to him (except Lewis Hamilton), that driver will lose over season.
1) He is super fast - because of talent, a lot of practise and his driving approach
2) He is maximalist - wants more and strive for better
3) He is winner - he won so many races and have experience in that
4) He is doing good under pressure - because of his experience, practice and strong mindset
5)He is not giving up, even when things go wrong (willpower)
6)He is consistent (mindset, stamina, strenght)
7)He is racing much more than any other person on the grid. Even in free time he plays computer, simulator. (love for the race)
Nevertheless he is doing mistakes and even sometimes go on a bad stretch. Can lose as well one race but compete with him over one season is not possible. Some of those qualities can be applied in poker as well. But not everything, and of course need to be aware of myself and my abilities. For example I can't be so much in poker - grinding, studying and thinking about the game. Because actually it will result in worse outcome and get me drained/tired/less focused and concentrated. Also I am not trying my best everytime and everywhere, because it also usually come out worse.

1.Don't know how I got away here not losing stack. That's good luck
2. Aggressive line

Thoughts about microstakes
Want to give something for a players who are playing micro- small - limits. Firstly: I don't think that I am good advisor or very intellegent person. Second: everything is pretty much person dependent, if something work for one person it doesn't mean that can be applied to another. Everyone have their own strengths, traits and qualities.

Today I will just cover poker rooms and poker schools.

1. Pokershools - there are many and many of them out there. Is it good idea to join them? Generally not, better to buy coachings since it is (generally) gonna be cheaper and give bigger potential return. However microstakes player don't have enough money to afford good coach, additionally don't have enough money to grow by limits. In that sense poker school provide both of those, which is very good trade to be honest. However it is not gonna give you everything on ''a silver plate', need to work hard and put a lot of hours into studies and practise. Also not every school is good, before choosing one need to make reseach. Nowadays it is not so hard, school have students and they have results. Can check via smarthand or etc. If school isn't transperant with results, not good idea to join.

2. Rooms - this one is super important. Building bankroll require either big skill or good game select (also variations of both).
   Bad rooms to play microstakes - GG(too many negative reasons); 888 (scamming people);
   Good rooms to play - inconvenient small crypto rooms and few small sites (but gonna be uncomfortable), country restricted areas (spain; france; italy;...), chico, pokerstars, winamax, ignition
   Superb rooms to play - private clubs in applications, good clubs in application (without many bots, cheaters, colluding players or other scam)
   Why apps so good, well for one reasons it is easiest ways to build bankroll there. But it is not so plain and simple because if play bad clubs, you won't get anywhere and might even ruin yourself. How to find good apps? Affilates and poker schools, friends

February
Somewhat lucky month and running above EV. Well, still have some bitter taste and doesn't feel like I ran so pure. Many losing and weird hands as well which could be considered unfortunate. When I checked results today actually I felt dissapointed a bit, it sounds crazy to me. My expectations increased a lot in 2 months and even 5k month doesn't satisfy anymore. What I can tell - human! We always want more!
Accept that feeling, just observing myself and taking notes.

What key thoughts of this month:
1.idealization (game, studies, poker rooms, results and life in general) benefits and downsides
2.rumination, how it brings stress/anxiety/worries and reduce happiness. Even though it does bring some positive stuff at the tables
3.money and good results do not bring happiness
4. importance of good mood and being positive
5.gratitude each morning and evening
6.risk taking and playing higher
7.varience calculator
8.If I win it doesn't mean I am gonna keep winning. If I lose it doesn't mean I am gonna be losing in the future. If I win it doesn't mean I am gonna lose after. If I lose it doesn't mean I am gonna win right after.
''Player error''

Goals for next month:
1. Playing few tables
2. Nl1000 (stop loss 5 BI, win 5BI will jump to nl2k)
This month I only played 200 hands at nl1000, yes games are not so easy to catch but I am looking forward to play far more in March. Hoprefully won't get crushed there ^^
Eager to punt some money there and show some good and bad lines
3. Learn theory, analyze spots and find exploits. Learning while playing and observe whenever I have bluff/value. How long opponent was thinking, did he call or fold
4. Treat myself gentle and warm, I am not ideal and not perfect, nor strong player

Lastly: in april I want to switch towards apps for few months, try something new and look for opportunities there.

Accidently looked over my stats last week. Sample is quite low 60k hands but my WWSF was 44 or 45. Actually I already forgot number but at first I found it really frustrating and dissapointing.
However I turned on logic:
1) Sample is indeed small and doesn't tell anything
2) Yeah 45 WWSF is low, but is it really so terrible thing?
3) Vs some recreational players WWSF pretty much always gonna be lower

Well at least I don't need to have super ego or think I am an amazing player. Score on the board!!!
Just doing my thing and playing ''we'll see how it goes'', not ideal or perfect.

Who is the best players though:
NL500 PS - M4DT1LT (volume, open to battle and skilled) , Vampire (incrediable results, doesn't regwar but playing up to nl2k and pretty good)
Nl1000 PS- Sunni92 (top reg, best results over last year), Sandrix (this guy will destroy everyone, mark my words)

GG NL1k - Ishter (I would give him top1 place in all rooms, excellent player and absolute beast) and Builderman (volume)

Those guys can be inspiration: talent, skill, ethic and hard work. Would like to be on that list, not sure if I am capable but that's okay. Pretty hard to estimate potential. If can thats awesome, if can't thats acceptable.

Today I got smashed at the tables, feels like many plays didn't work and in general super hard to take losing, accept that things not go my way and be happy with outcome. No I didn't tilt or start to spew, was just unpleasant feeling inside, besides not so much action recently which also makes me more irritated, unhappy. Sitting quite bit of time waiting for the game.
Easy to start to think that can win everymonth and almost everyday, easy (for me) to start believening in it and be confident it is possible. After few winning months, losing is forgetten and when you start losing it is quite painful. Varience is uncontrollable!
Don't think my graph is correct, probably lost some number of hands.

1. Future plans and value
   Sometimes(quite often) I am overthinking ''which games I should be playing?'' ''how to increase my EV?''. During my poker career this questions comes to me regularly. It causes stress, worry and even unhapinnes. Even though not so long time ago I did some thinking about that topic, now it is come back to me again.
   For now I am playing just eurorooms nl500+. EV here is decent, can't estimate exactly but convinient and good competition, for learning and imporving.
   Another options is applications. EV might be higher and have possibilities. Actually I would want to try play it solely (around april for 2 months). It is correlating with my goals, because I need bigger bankroll to play high limits.
   GG poker. Mehhh. Even though I had okish results there, not sure it brings a lot of future, posibilites are low and not so high EV. But I don't know, might be valuable as well.
   Other rooms....
   I understand that can't try everything or have decent sample to tell my expectations. So will try few to see something different and have experience. That's my plan for the future.

2. About nl1000, regs and games in general.
   There are a lot of better regs than me, not only on nl1000 but also on nl500. People who study a lot and have good mental game. Think big difference between nl200 and nl1000 regs in small details - like logic, range analyses and following action street by street, timing tells. I made some weird bluff vs nl1000 player and got called by hand which I supposed/wanted to fold. Maybe my line was quite weird, but in my point of view I feel like this spot is super difficult to be bluffing and people know it.
   Respect for those players, they are fighting for spots and make life tough.

Mid month update:
Won around 8 bi, that's close to my moving up score. Guess time to play nl1000. Not enough games and action so will mix it with nl500. Plan - is to bumhunt and play in good hours. At least when I am more fresh. Let's see how it goes. Will have stop loss limit 3.5 BI. Good luck!!

This week so far was quite lucky. I made few big blunders during past days but thats okay, obviously making mistakes and doing some stuff. Sometimes out of line and not solver approved. Opponents also show some interesting lines and strenght. Maybe now I feel more confident and up, even that I play good poker, but telling to myself that's okay to feel this way. Won a bit and run hot but game still going and there are gonna be different and various days. Studing and learning, observing and learning, making mistakes and learning, watching and learning.

Quite often when I am playing I want to click ''call'' button. Especially when tilted, chasing loses or angry. It is quite easy to justify bluffcatching absolutely anything, and get rid of ''fold'' at all. Every 3bet pot, if river didn't improve opponents range we can call all hands. Why? Because opponent is overbluffing of course, if he is overbluffing folding is not good option. Today I found myself few times on the river with medioum bluffcatcher and opponent jammed into me. First thoughts were yeah just call everything, because easy/possible to overbluff. But I spent 30 seconds trying to think it through. Yes, if I think opponent is overbluffing I should call everything, no doubt. As simple as it is and go from there.
But in game I folded and felt bad, like opponent owned me.
Why cant I just call?
1)My thinking might be influenced by emotions
2)I might project my own strategy to my opponnents, and give my thought process to them
3)I can't estimate my read of overbluffing
Honestly feels quite stupid to fold, but I don't want to call everything and become big station. Also another thing which is not as good. Being station is nice though, but it doesn't mean overcall every single spot and call all bluffcatcher. Some bluffcathers are quite trashy and actually -EV calls

But usually it is good to trust yourself and if you think this spot is overbluffed just call everything. And if you are making mistake by calling everything, then it is your gameplan error and incorrect reads. But execution is perfect!

Anyway, noticing some mistakes from opponents and feel tilted by it. Like, how you can be so stupid and how you can do like that. Which is not so positive and healthy approach. Probably starting to have some ego issues and also too much expectations (too high expectations tilt). Everyone plays as they can, and do mistakes sometimes. Nothing wrong with it, also we all people and influenced by external factors. Me too, I did some super weird and questionable plays.
Trying to be observant and mindfull :)

Lastly, want to do some crazy stuff. Play few session with super wanky style. Like 3B from BB around 30%. People are not dealing well with massive agression and adjust to it on the fly rather slow, so I suppose can really crush so badly. But when they do adjust, thats gonna be not as wonderful anymore. For anonymous games gonna work great.

This week has been quite stressful. Didn't enjoy playing as much and felt like was battling. Some emotions like anger, frustration, fear... Made few unreasonable plays and stupid decisions, also made few very good folds and bluffs. Which is of course okay. When playing with high stress level hard to show very good game and I'm stressing while playing often. Worrying, overthinking, battling my emotions and trying to get myself into a better place. After realizing that is not possible to find a way, accepting myself and moving on.

After playing 4 days emotions are all over the place and I decided to take day off from studies and just relax in the evening. Accumulated a lot of bad beats, mistakes, anger towards opponents and towards myself. Actually I am not so angry at myself, just feel a bit disappointed that hard to perform very well and it is so easy to go on tilt mode.

Trying to calm down myself during the session - results in overthinking and playing not better at all. Maybe even more stress for attempt to change. Trying to not overthink results in overthinking.
Quite a few things which can distract from playing. Poker can cause a lot of frustration, and it does to me. I start my week fresh and feeling positive, and middle of the week I start to be more anxious and irritated. Today when I started played first session felt like having passive tilt - harder to take loses, harder to remain control and harder to think about decisions.

Anyway at least I ran good so far. Today checked results, pretty much one day I destroy everything (mostly by luck) and next day I got rekt. Other days in between but felt so difficult. Because many spots where I wasn't sure, self doubting a lot and overthinking. Also lost a bit of confidence and game flow. More my emotional game flow than strategy. Will try to get to nl1000 shots but obviously a lot of luck and can't control everything

Trying too hard
Today I was observing my emotions and feelings, and at the end of the session wrote some thoughts. At a certain period of time, after losing and feeling tired, I began to try very hard to win and if this did not work, it caused doubly disappointment (and tilt). When I try too hard to do something, it often turns out worse than usual. For example: trying to play perfectly (or like a linus/etc), playing for good red line (high vvsf and aggression), trying to win or, conversely, trying to avoid losing.

Emotions and feelings have a basis, in this case there was a tilt of revenge, a tilt of inflated expectations and I hate to lose. These emotions caused a feeling of desire to win and I began to try my best to win right now. For me, this often turns out worse than usual. Besides, poker is a game of luck and I can’t control the outcome. As a result, my attempt to win = (my regular poker)*0.66. I tried to win in order to find relief, to feel satisfaction and joy (quite ''good plan'', but I guess gotta accept losing and move past them)
I accept my characteristics, the tilt that occurs after a victory or defeat, the desire to save a win or win back. That I try to avoid ''negative feelings and pain''. I'm imperfect and that's good, question? Where can I go with all my qualities?

That hand vs rec seems stupid. Jamming random hands and now he got AQo. Kinda loose call on my side as well, gamble I suppose

Key thoughts January:
1. I am not ideal and making mistakes. I have not only weak sides but also strong sides. I don't know what I can achieve, with all my traits and abilities.
2.Trying too hard may result in worse outcome than trying slightly better (for me it is always working like that)
3. I am quite often upset with my actions if they lead to negative results (my personal quality, just an observation)
4.Psychology always important!!!! Even if I think I don't have more problems and wasn't tilting for X days straight
5.Easy to fool myself and take short term outcome as my skill level. Easy to higher my expectations when I run good, and think that I am better than really are.
6. Approaches: a) How to win more! b)How to lose less.

-It is not safe to hold money in pokerrooms-

Came back from short (4 days) vacation and played one more day. Today was quite unlucky days and got runned over a bit. Made some calls which saw value part of villian's range, made some bluffs which got trough. Hard to tell anything, varience is high and luck is too much impact short term.

Didn't enjoy my vacation, thanks to 888poker. Gonna write about it later in other topick. f tell shortly - they still money without explaining and banned my account. Phuket was nice, weather is sunny and food is yummy. Stayed in 5 star hotel which brought a lot of benefits as well. Infinity swimming pool, breakfast for more than 30$ and so on. Managed to get insanse sun tan, now my body is red and first day I got fever as welll. Well, not sure if it is bad luck or good luck. Can't complain much though, now feeling decently.
Reccomend to visit, can be really peacefull and calm, or can be loud and interesting...

Goals for Febuary:
1)Keep playing nl500 (gonna have stop loss 14BI, or if win more than 10BI jump higher).
2)Check results 3 times
3)Study theory, spend time in wizard and analyze deep few spots
4)Spend at least 1.5 hours on psychology each week (hard to estimate though, but for sure easy to forget about psychology when you run good)
5)Reminding myself that January I runned quite hot (at least 3/4 time of the month), so can't tell anything for granted of think that I am excellent player

Finished playing for today and tomorrow morning have an early flight. Gonna spend 4 days in Phuket. Rest and enjoy holidays, not opening anything related to poker or thiking about the game. Will turn switch off and chill out.

This week wasn't easy for me. Tilting more (just my observation, compare to previous weeks, actually I feel stupid to say this but maybe I am even tilting less than for example months before) and making emotional based decision(or justify something). Playing B-game relatively often and overall feels like not the best mindset, thats okay though. Before starting this month, I set myself losing limit -14BI at nl500. First week I played good and my mental game was solid. Also I ran nicely. Second week I reach almost highest potential. Felt invincible and super powerful, I felt like not gonna tilt anymore! And it is all will be in the past.
This feeling always come to us, when everything seems easy and bad beats are replaced with winning stacks from opponents. I knew that feeling and I told myself that still need to be observant and work on my mental game.
Okay after 2 winning weeks, my mindset and aproach changed and I putted myself into best regular shoes. And started to treat myself like some unbelievable and amazing player. That lead to high expectation tilt, right tilt, hate losing tilt and entitlement tilt.
Losing felt hard and annoying and kicked me very painfully. I became from losing player to top player in less than 2 weeks because of some pure run. Not necessarily because I started to play better... That mindset shift not so healthy for me since it brings bunch of problems and issues.
Quite delusional to think when we win - we play good! Need to be more humble!!! Need to be as I like ''student of the game''

During that time I played some apps poker. What I can tell? Reggish games and unknown weird dynamic. RNG seems very unsual and a lot of coolers. Yesterday I dropped those games. Too hard to mix with eurosites, and everything is completely different. If want to make money there need to adjust and preferable not mix with normal rooms. Recreational players are different, and regs as well. My expereince was mixed, kinda not sure whats going on there. Easy to hit second nuts or very strong hand and lose with, or easy to hit first nuts and cooler somebody. Not sure about bluffcatching as well and how in general people are playing.
Whether it is good place to make money, I am not sure, kinda need to adjust for those games. Can't play normal room style and expect that you will win regadless. Maybe someday I will try to play it solely, but for now not my priority.

Considering GG poker as well. I've playing there years ago - tilting and didn't made much money, was slight winner though before RB. Also RNG seems different from normal rooms. Hard to make money there and bumhunting is not welcome. Probably less opportunites to make money than applications. Should I try? Maybe... Could try for few bb with less tables and more target weak players approach.
Also have an option to play some reservation pools. Less games unfortunately and need to pay rent. Don't know if some people considering it is cheating? Imo whater, poker is worldwide game and I don't feel pretty bad if someone do like that. It is just poker sites/goverment want to make segregated pools and so on. For me I would really love if any country have opportunites to play stars for example.

In poker need to be humble, need to be easy to let go of things and also not overly stress about many parts. Even 3bb winner, can lose money like in 40% on 10k hands sample. What to tell, randomness. But If you tell yourself, those 10k hands define my skill when it seems like you just have no proof at all and think you know something which in real life you don't.

I can herofold!

worst hand in history

Have been reading about botfarm in WPN poker. Even played vs some of them and actually my feeling about one being a bot was correct. That guy had like +7bb/100, great redline and crush everything. Plays suspicios as well, he did 4 bet me with massive sizing once which made me actually think a bit, I even took a note on his sizing to see how he will play in the future. Obviosuly these guys are crushing because they play exploitative poker based on pool research (as far as I know). But I had great results in WPN in the past so nothing changes for me, bumhunting fun players and never ever regwaring! Same as other sites, think bots are quite common for most nowadays - Ipoker, GG.... Probably most tables 200-500 have one :D (except stars)
But I know it is not good to think about it or that rooms is rigged. Better for own clear mind and sanity to think that all is fair! Which is what I am gonna do. Just news was all over place and many people commented on it

Started to play a bit of apps, hehe, coolers everywhere! RNG is interesting one and can be tilting!
Also need to keep in mind about opponents, some people just collude agaisnt each other and can do crazy stuff but only agaisnt each other!!! With other players they gonna play well. So If I see open push from SB A5o 100% vs other unknown player that doesnt mean that SB is 100% rec. Can be chipduming or whatever else

Lastly starting to think about my goals. Primeraly I should focus on studying and improving and looking to play higher, nl1k with weak players is good value~! Thats my goal for upcoming months. Of course need to be aware of luck and varience, poker is quite harsh and can't take everything for granted.
Also need to be patient, mindfull and resilent! Keep head up and remain positive. For now feel like not motivated to study but it is usually change quite fast to very inspired!

Okay, lets say hypothetically if you win this year 200k-300k, whats your plan? Do you cashout it? Or gonna keep battle even higher with potential of losing it or even more because of downswing?

Mixed games indeed looks like a lot of fun, if you enjoy playing them - let it be. Just as you probably don't have a lot of time need to concentrate on something particular. But no need to decide now or anytime soon.
Probably most games are going on apps now, like wierd games which have value. I don't even know names and rules. Shady a bit though, apps, US sites, everything...

NLHE on ACR suppose to be okay, I played there not a lot but my experience was positive and still playing a bit. Just pure bumhunt though, would never reg battle there. Hope don't have superusers, bots for sure have but with ''rec'', game still profitable

Good luck with your journey