I’m Harry, I currently reside in the UK and I’ve been an online pro for a little over a decade.
At the age of 25 I watched my life goal of ascending to the top of the online poker stratosphere slip through my fingers due to a bout of chronic crippling anxiety - I do not think this was coincidence, but rather a case of dissonance associated with the pursuit coiling its way around me, subtly constricting until circulation broke down, and consuming once no whimper of fight was left in me. Since then (33 now) I’ve managed to recover to a state of bobbing tepidly above water, but am still prone to unpredictable undercurrents hooking around my ankles and submerging me, once again, leaving me thrashing for my life in a psychological whirlpool.
Naturally, this existence has brought about a general state of malaise that hasn’t been conducive to making any sort of meaningful progress in my craft(s) - it’s only led to candles of hope being snuffed out by a vicious cycle of inevitable failure followed by self-judgment and then use of self-sabotaging vices to “smother” out the flames.
Since my mid-twenties the major difference in mindset shift has been a fixation on the short term, rather than the long - just trying to navigate myself through the little horrors of a given day; a litany of health issues charged by room-temperature unresolved anxiety. With this any attempts at sustainable, long term high performance has been thwarted, and delivered a series of core blows to morale.
Upon closer inspection this hasn’t been at the cause to blame, just payments for stubbornly insisting upon a blind man’s approach. What’s been missing is a motivation for the future entirely (for “he who has a why to live can bear with almost any how”). And something to scrape away at the sticky anxiety residue related to this.
So, what’s changed?
A recent transition for me is being in a supportive, unconditionally loving relationship of six months with my best friend of seven years (a position I’d strongly been averse to given the developments aforementioned), and enrollment in weekly talk therapy with an expert in psychodynamics. With the advent and alignment of these two things, I now feel empowered enough to daringly inch out and carve a little slice of the future for myself.
My sense of identity is stabilizing, and with this comes a new found dimension of scope that stretches forward into time.
My goals for 2022 are as follows: I want to make it to NL2k by the end of the year (starting at 500), and cut to 15% body fat (starting at 28.1%).
Mainly, I want to focus on improving my well-being - which both of these goals will obviously support - but specifically I want my quality of life to skyrocket. Instead of grappling with whatever expression of malaise is currently rearing its ugly head, or lurking just around the corner, I want to wake up feeling liberated from the precursory belief systems keeping me “less than”, limited, or fixed in a preemptive “brace for impact” overly defensive demeanour. I want to wake up feeling rejuvenated, recharged, revitalised, mind firing on all cylinders - strategic moves springing effortlessly from intuition to executive function (the definition of state flow), and having the next witty or astute thing to deploy within enriching conversation. I want to look good naked and please my girl. I want an enthusiasm for life that is contagious. I want to radiate love and light and joy and act as a shepherd for consciousness, ushering souls towards elevated emotional fields. I want to know that my life has purpose and contributes to humanity. I don’t want to only take. I want to give. And do so in droves. I want to lie on my deathbed proud, fondly reminiscing about all the successes I’ve created with my beautiful wife, and die with the knowledge that I get to bestow the fruits of this labor to our friends, family, and community.
To add a little before/after quantification for “well-being” I’ll measure my results now and later using the Warwick-Edinburgh Mental Well-being Scale (WEMWBS). I currently score 37 (below average).
I’d like to add that in my corner I have Poker Detox, a stable that I receive coaching from and play for.
I’ll also be working one-on-one with Yves Dubois (@officialyvesdubois), trialing his new program Fitness Mastery Fastlane (to be released 6/20) and using the tools that he’s so deftly put together to monitor and share my results (if you would like to try them for yourself, I can get you a discount for this or his one-on-one services: just approach him with coupon code HARRY).
More soon, very excited to begin.
Thanks for reading.
Good luck, guys