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Fear, Love and chaos.

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Fear, Love and chaos.

The past year has been quite the adventure. Of course due to covid there hasn't been going on. To kind of sum up the year... I had a rough start to the year, was getting pretty home sick and also spent the holidays away from home for the first time. The flat I had in Rome was pretty depressing, basically walls surrounding me, and a lot of grey skies because of winter. Looking back now even though they were hard times they were good times. I later caught some heat on GG and then after that sorta brokeven at 200rnc and 500nl. I think my winrate at 200rnc was probably in the 3-4bb range after getting taxed haha. But if I look back I was pretty bad at this game. There are so many things that I was doing pretty poorly. Of course I still complained about running bad nonetheless. I think it really hit me how bad I was at this game after speaking with a friend. He told me "it's likely you're not even beating the games" and that really got to me, so I started working pretty hard. I find it really inspiring when I am underestimated. That was a really nice time I think. I found myself alone in the south of Croatia, and basically everyday I was either studying, playing, working out or going for hikes in the area. You don't really value the present moment till you look back at it, at least I don't. Totally recommend checking out the Cavtat /Dubrovnik area if you are ever in Croatia. After about a month of that I headed towards Montenegro because my tourist visa was expiring. There I continued with my daily grind. Montenegro turned out to be fucking amazing, and the people are really special as well. I was in Herceg Novi for about 2 months. I was lucky enough to have a friend join me. This was meant to be an intense study/play grind, but I ended up slacking. I met a lot of locals and started going out often and partying with them. I do think I needed the social interaction after so many months of intense work. The timing was pretty off though. Many apologies to a top top person.
Around this period I started to play more on stars. Was pretty fed up with GG lol and the scam RB and all the bs. Stars was alright. Didn't really play that much volume but I got a lot out of the small sample. Was starting tables at 500nl when I really shouldn't have been lol, but learned a lot from it. And what I was winning at 200z I was losing at 500z, wasn't exactly printing or running well lol. With that being said after a pretty big breakeven stretch of about 200k+ hands I caught some heat on ignition. Ended up getting fucked because I was vpning and they ended up locking up the funds. Which is devastating when you run bad for such a long time, and then 10K+ gets locked up, this went on for months, after many phonecalls, emails etc it finally got resolved. But it really took a lot of energy and focus away. Anyhow, I ended up meeting my girlfriend in Montenegro, and ended up going to Belgrade with her. The poker rules are kinda weird there so I ended up playing apps. Mainly played between 200-1k. In hindsight the results were ok but it really wasn't fulfilling at all. It was pretty annoying to get stuck some weeks because you would lose at 1k and then the game wouldn't run anymore for the rest of the week. Things were also not so smooth with my gf, and this all just really fucked with me. Things ended up working out, but I think I definitely should have been more focused on myself and my goals. it's really tough to put in your A game and your best work if you have a ton of things competing for your attention. After a month in Belgrade we came over to Germany for a bit, and then back to Croatia haha. Not much to say about that. Towards the end of my stay in Split I hit up a friend that lives in Zagreb, shout out to Boris Kuzmanovic :). He let me know he had a double room in Rozvodov, and last minute decided to go to Zagreb and ride to Rozvodov with him. Zagreb was also amazing, by far one of my favorite cities so far. The car ride was amazing. It was literally miles and miles of forest covered in snow between Slovenia and Austria. I also learned a lot from Boris and it was a really cool conversation overall. It was also super nice rooting for him nice he went super deep in the main event.
Rozvodov is guess is what it is haha. Not much to really say about it. Don't think I could stay there longer than 2 weeks. Can't complain about the hotel or Casino at all though. Didn't exactly run well for most of the trip but ended up quite a bit playing the 1keuro game. Insane how soft live poker is. I think there are different skills involved though. Running bad can be more intense imo, and I can't even imagine a downswing in live poker. Could probably take you 1+ years to get out of that stretch if you are lucky. Besides the cash I played a satty to the main event, and ended up taking 17th/256 and only 11 cashed. meh that really got me low for a day or two. Pretty sick to go so far and get nada. Overall i am really happy and grateful to have gone. It really hit me that all we really have is the experience that life has to offer, and no matter what happens no one can take an experience from you. It was really nice hanging out with B.a.angelov and the bulgaria crew :) and running into zeros poker was also pretty dope...One day while at the table I was chatting with what I thought was a German guy, but then he said he was Austrian, and I got curious and asked for more info haha, and it turned we had friends in common. Turned out to be Klem90 haha. Shout out to Klem :) We ended up hanging quite a bit through the series. Towards the end of the series he offered me his guest room back in Vienna so I decided to go. The ride from Rozvodov to Vienna was pretty cool. This cool dude that plays as “succeed” on stars joined us on the ride back, and coincidentally it was also my birthday, so got sung happy birthday in a random German village hah. Hello 25! Hearing these two guys talk about mtt strategy was very nice because it really showed how much work some guys are putting in, and that its not just flip masters in there haha…Vienna was pretty dope even though I was there for most of their lockdown, but I got to meet a long time friend in real life for the first time. Pretty cool cause we both started chatting/studying when we were both playing nl50, and now we’ve moved up quite a bit 😊. After Vienna, I came back to Germany and well, basically going through one of the sickest runs so far haha. I will say tho that I am extremely grateful to just be a part of this whole journey. Of course tough runs suck but hey at least we get to experience them. Back when I was not playing full time, if you would have offered me a downswing at 500z I would have snap called it just for the experience. And well that’s what ive got now so fuck it 😊 I finally got to also play 1k on stars as well which was a goal since forever. I got completely fucked during the first orbit but I’ll be back hahah This was a breaking point for me to be honest, and was lucky to have my girlfriend cheer me up. but looking back I can laugh it off. I don't see it as a bad beat but as a reminder that you are nothing in the eyes of variance. All you can do is try your best and show up everyday and leave the ego at the door.

So what to expect!?
Just going to keep blasting. For the upcoming year I would like to end it established at 2Knl. and I don't think it's crazy to be taking shots at 5knl by the end of the year. Of course, all you can do is try, and that's what I will do. I contacted a new coach to work with, and basically going to take this really seriously. Been working really hard doing a mix of population analysis and pio work, and basically will have to present a lot of work, so pretty excited to see what someone that has crushed for years has to say :) ...anyhow.. I think I am my own worst enemy and the only person that can stop me is myself. so lets fucking go

"I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can"

  • Lou Reed

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