In ancient Greece, the temple Apolle at Delphi bore several inscriptions, among them this one-nothing in excess-a hint to keep it balanced, if you will.They knew a thing or two back then already. Nick Howard, Saulo and other great thread-makers have started their great journeys or blog-ish entries with this as their core philosophy, I take that as a good omen and follow suit.
Since 20x-ing my BR in 2020 I have during these 3 first months of 2021 lost 11k shooting for a landing at medium stakes, 200-500nl. I lost 4,5k at 500, then 5k at 200, and rounded off with a 1,5k loss at 100nl. Throughout my journey of learning poker I have been obsessed with my run, especially when unfortunate, and it has definitely slowed down my progress as of late. Pat Howard, my ever patient mentor has been extremely lenient with regards to answering and tolerating my rants about my ill perceived luck. But a threshold was reached not long ago. He found my outbursts so out of whack that I was recommended therapy.
This really hit me hard as I was so dug down in my self pity I did not realize how uncontrolled I had become. Quote: -Whining generally reflects a persons`s inability to change either a situation or their own feelings-. I never thought of my self as that person, and certainly not an unstable one. But I do whine and, as I have learned upon reflection and monitoring my behaviour, I have periods where my emotions run wild and I go on highs and proper lows. This lead me to ask my GP for advice, and I am just done with some introspection being recommended a book on meta cognition-thinking about the way you think- and a book on changing behaviour vs taking on a project. I found a gem doing this, I bought both recommendations as audio books. One for ease of listening whenever I can, and two-it feels as you are being thought/consulted.
A project is defined with a clear start and end, with steps and expected result. A behavioural change is the modification of patterns in response to a stimuli, where one desires a lasting different process with a new end result. It is developing an improved lifestyle.
Obviously my downward spiral was not all ill luck, the quality of my play, execution, BR management etc suffered with my oscillating mood. And the stress of the actual monetary value added to my instability. I have no desire to be the person I have been when I take a trip down to the cellar. So with the last 3 months in mind, I am taking on a new course, more balanced, knowing a bit more about my weak spots and my stress limits.
Project. Play a meaningful sample of hands at 50nl, 30k+ hands and not move up until I am pretty certain my bb/100 is 5+. This with a max of 4tbls at once. And with a sound schedule. I know that I may well run hot/bad and 30k hands is not much, but I will keep this rule with every move up the stakes, and obviously BR management dictates moves as well. When I land at 500nl, I will make new assessment of how I have handled my self during this journey.
Project. Back to basics. Solidifying my understanding of strategy. A less random and more scheduled approach to how I study.
Lifestyle change. Accepting the volatility of poker and that the human brain can not assess ones run unbiased. That strategy is all that matters, everything else is noise. To keep the game within my threshold levels for stress. Removing whining as an outlet, it is a reflection of my lack of knowledge, not my persona, and I do not wish to have this trait.
First week back at 50 nl, running good.