Taking responsibility over poker career, and life in general

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Taking responsibility over poker career, and life in general

Hello everyone, first of all i want to say that i am glad to have found this training poker site where i was provided enough content that made me improve as a player so far both in my technical and mental game, and especially Nick Howard with his youtube videos and forum posts that somehow changed my whole perspective about this game and gave me motivation to stop being irresponsible and procrastinating a lot.

My name is George and i am from Greece,26 years old, i came into Poker at April or May 2016, i remembered the game i was playing when i was a teenager, i read about people making actual money from it and i thought that it might be a good opportunity to make a change for my life, i am not gonna lie here, i dont know why most people are here but for me, i saw this game as an escape route from the shitty position i have put myself so far in life, i have abandoned my studies since i was a kid, never studying never reading, having no goals for what i wanted to do, somehow i did well enough in my exams some years ago and ended up in a university only to find out that this subject is below 0% of interest in me, i have spend very long time there without moving forward and having HUGE leaks in subjects that you need solid knowledge to move on, like maths and physics, yes i was a freaking lazy person, almost on unconscious level, i was the type of guy that always says come on you got time you gonna do that later, just go out with your friends just play your video games now, only to find out that "time" was so freaking important and the missing value for not using it effectively can not be replaced, financial status is haaard, my relationship with my familly is.....fuck it. So many things i did wrong, or to say better, i did nothing about them.So what do you do when you come to this situation and you realize that this is not who you want to be in life this is not what you want to be doing,future looking so unsure and foggy.However,one good thing to keep from all this is that my mentality is not that of the loser or the quitter, contrary, i have fire to succeed, i almost became obsessed to start doing shit to do not waste any time more,but i still need to make my goals a little more clearer in my head, i promised to myself that i am gonna do that Journal and share this thoughts with all of you, i also promised that i am not gonna make it a mental case thread :P so i need to talk a bit more about my experience with

Poker, so i have been playing for about 20 months by now, with like 7-8 dead months of little to no action, i deposited my 30$ on Stars(which is my lifetime deposits) and tried every game possible, with actually zero knowledge, transitioning from Zynga facebook poker and knowing only that Flush beats Full House etc. i wasted some time to see how everything works, K.O tournaments 2NL zoom, spin n goes ,Sit n goes, after a while i decided that 6NL zoom cash games is what i want to continue with, throughout this experience its no exaggeration to say that my A game represented like 0.039% of my volume, i could not stop blasting rolls playing on general tilt putting music as loud as possible and going on 5 hours session that i would not remember or tag any hands, just found some really cool songs to put on my mp3, seems like my irresponsible nature followed me to my game, i am willing to leave this all behind and take responsibility upon everything.I feel ready like never before, not expecting to get instant results or anything like that, i just owe myself to give it my best, here and everywhere. I never got coached, i dont have a poker network just 1 poker buddy and some random facebook friends that i dont really know, i would say that my technical game so far IS mediocre and my mental game WAS beyond catastrophic, i dont have a well defined strategy i am doing things by intuition, experience,gut, it does not feel like i know where my balances and imbalances are, of course it was a lot worse at my first months than now, i am pretty confident that i beat the 2 lowest limits however and i had good results on 10NL the last 2 months of 2017 after putting things down and deciding to stop doing all this stupid things i,ve been on. Game was feeling more smooth, was feeling very confident, i was not tilting only very rarely after consecutive setups etc, i was ok with doing a mistake and moving on with my session.

So the goal for now is...just to give my real self to the game and see what comes up, its like i never had that experience, i play for so long and i dont even know what i am, no matter the results i am gonna keep trying, and improving.

We have a new database for the year , database only has 700 hands now, i am gonna post results on 5k+ hands, Limit is gonna be 10 NL 6max Pokerstars, Bankroll is 970$. Sry if i made you tired and ranted for a bit,thanks for you time.

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