You Cannot Hide from Yourself

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You Cannot Hide from Yourself

My life is stucked since many many years. Yes, I had and I have huge issues on many layers but let's face it; I cannot do anything but accept responsibility of my own soul. Right now, my life is a total trainwreck, I got an unknown physical disease that haunt me every single day preventing me to enjoy life. I also have psychological problems due my troublesome upbringing. My financial situation is abysmal, pretty much, I barely survive.

I've made a lot of errors in my life, but I've always mantained the hope and the willingness to bust my ass off. My psychoterapist told me that it is a real miracle that I'm still alive even if I had the deck stacked against me. I play micros for a very long time, that I'm ashamed of myself. Basically, I've cashout every single month and I haven't allowed my bankroll to flourish. I think I've logged more than 3M hands at NL25.

Many years ago I had dreams, I had expectations and ambitions but they are dimmed now. The hope and the willingness to work is still there but what I see is a big steep road ahead, well, maybe it's more like a vertical wall than an clear walkable path. I struggle because I feel I got unexpressed potential and the time is passing. Right now in my early 30s I gotta do something. Sometimes, my future seems bright, while other times it is daunting.

Poker is still my best option if I want to escape the rat race, but I have to tackle it in a different way. If I keep doing the same things as I did in the last years, chances are my past will become my future.

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I got a lot to recall, but I will do as the post rolls by. For now, every day I want to make a post. Everyday, I will post write for about 20 minutes about my day, what can I improve, what errors I've made and hopefully some lifechanging breaktrough. I don't expect to become popular, I'd just like one day, to look back and see how far I went.

I Hope you the best for your life

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