Charade 's avatar

Charade

250 points

Comment | Charade commented on Giving up?

5 years later. I managed to climb up beating midstakes, but I am still tilting like never before.

I have this unbelievable rage within that has always been there. It's like dragging some invisible burden that is eventually draining every strength that I have. I seriously wanna give up. I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore. No one can understand me. This is the dark sife of me. I need help.

Jan. 10, 2021 | 3:11 p.m.

Comment | Charade commented on Is Party Poker rigged?

I'm running over EV on Partypoker on holdem fastforward.

Your runbad can be simply variance, or people sharing holecards (colluding) or if you are using HM2 it calculates EV wrong since it misses run it twice hands. Perhaps all or some combination of all of the above. But there's no way Partypoker itself is "rigged".

HM3 has RIT hands fixed FWIW.

Nov. 9, 2020 | 12:56 p.m.

Similar joke came to my mind, but didn't think it was worth hijacking the thread! ;D Kudos tho for going for it.

Sept. 16, 2020 | 5:16 p.m.

Hi and sorry, but I just need to get this out of my chest. I am having severe rage tilt "attack" as we speak. I feel like my head is going to explode and I can actually physically feel my ears getting super hot and ringing.

I'm an online nl200 regular, taking shots to nl500, and trying to beat the stakes and move up, but I feel like I am keeping myself from reaching my full potential because I get these huge raging tilts. I do it all to try to manage the tilt... meditate, exercise, socialize etc etc. I listen to Elliot Roe's MP3s and I've read the Jared Tendler books etc. I even went to see a psychologist for a few months this year to talk about this rage problem. I just don't feel like I have the tools to shake these massive feelings of rage when I run bad and play bad. In a word, I feel like a complete loser/fish.

I have come as far as recognizing feelings that trigger tilt such as shame (bad play and feeling ashamed in showdown), unworthiness (I am not smart enough to be great poker player) or feeling that I am not being capable to "out maneuver regs" or playing "gto/balanced" (Not theoretically knowledged and/or capable of coming up with good exploits ingame).
BUT
Now I GET EVEN WORSE tilts, because I can't keep myself from having these tilting feelings and I am painfully aware why I'm tilting but can't stop and then I'm basically tilting because I'm tilting. Sounds crazy? Tell me about it.

It's coming to a point that I feel like someone with this severe tilt problems isn't ever able to overcomeo them. And this thought has haunted me for months now, and this is actually why I wrote this rant and wanted to ask you RIO members: Do you have a story that would inspire me to overcome these problems? Or do you know anyone who has overcome tilting? Any advice/inspiration/consolation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Aug. 28, 2020 | 1:42 p.m.

200z Stars.eu

June 24, 2020 | 10:12 p.m.

My 200z results this year playing part-time.

June 24, 2020 | 11:42 a.m.

Comment | Charade commented on Covid upswing graphs

/thread

May 6, 2020 | 9:27 a.m.

Great reply. There's no point playing looser just for the sake of playing looser. It's possible you are merely projecting a mental game paranoia onto your strategy. "Am I a nit??" "Are they exploiting me??" "I have to be looser!" The fact is nobody gives a fuck about your strategy at 50z. I'd advice you to keep studying the game and you'll automatically find spots to open up your range to maximally exploit your opponents. GL.

Feb. 18, 2020 | 9:23 a.m.

Nobody likes losing, but in poker it's inevitable. Even the best players lose nearly half of their sessions. You have to CONSTANTLY WORK on your GAME and MINDSET and try to figure out WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

It's no surprise that this post didn't get many replies. Maybe it didn't deserve them. I mean it was probably written out of rage tilt, and if you read it later with a clear head it's obvious you were merely venting your frustration out to the community, which is understandable but not a.. let's say... constructive approach. I can guarantee though, that some people related to this post even though they didn't reply (I know I did... going through the emotions of a rough patch at the moment).

I have started to believe that I am just stupid and that I cannot
understand the game. I was never good with games anyway.

Every single person in the world is too stupid to play poker optimally. It's just too complex. Think about that. There's literally no-one playing even close to perfect strategy. Poker is hard as fuck. It's hard strategically and mentally. It's up to you how much you are willing to sacrifice to get better in it.

Then I sit down and try to understand myself. YES I am emotional
after a bad hand and yes I put a limit to sit out every single hour.
Close the client. But it keeps coming in the next session.. no profit
at all. getting even .. graph goes up +10bi because I had a good
session for 1 day and then for 4 days it destroys me.

It's good you're trying to understand yourself. I'd also challenge you to try to understand yourself as a poker player? I mean, really try to understand it. What are you trying to achieve? What are your GOALS? Why do you play poker? Is it for fun? Is it to compete? To make money? To escape? To justify feeling bad? Trying to be better? Is there a certain way you think poker should be played, and why?

Try to be as honest as you can to yourself.

If it's really the case that "Poker makes (you) miserable" and you just can't understand it; I think the best thing you can do is to quit right away and find something better to do with your time.

Oct. 17, 2019 | 2:09 p.m.

You are onto something with stealing a lot. ;) Also, I would recommend to use GTO+ to see how much one should defend vs a flop cbet by either calling and especially raising in GTO and how to exploit the lack thereof. GL on your grind and keep the graphs coming!

Oct. 11, 2019 | 8:40 a.m.

Crushing it! Enjoy your well deserved week off!

Aug. 14, 2019 | 2:15 p.m.

I cannot think of many combos in his range that will fold the turn. Maybe only some AQhh KQhh 56hh that floated the flop. Still, it's always a sigh-jam OTT... Just one of those spots.

March 8, 2019 | 7:40 a.m.

Comment | Charade commented on Pursuit of Balance

That is just... amazing run! Congrats!

Feb. 12, 2019 | 9:58 a.m.

It's a cooler, AQ seems unlikely to check-call flop. KJ/KT/JJ more likely to play this way. I'd still probably just calldown turn+river in case he desided to turn something like QJ/QT/AT in to a bluff.

Jan. 21, 2019 | 9:30 a.m.

Great! Then it's time to put the hands in the dirt!

Jan. 11, 2019 | 7:40 a.m.

Looks like you are not fighting for pots postflop; Very low WWSF, dipping redline, high fold vs flop cbet%. Maybe you should purchase the Essential subscription here on RIO and start watching low stakes NLHE videos. :)

Jan. 10, 2019 | 12:13 p.m.

Congrats on the sick results in 2018! You should feel very proud. :)

Jan. 4, 2019 | 7:43 a.m.

Comment | Charade commented on Specifically Poker

Be confident I'm on the right path.

Nov. 28, 2018 | 7:03 p.m.

My both computers, PC & Laptop are Lenovos. They are very reliable and a lot of engineers/IT-people use them.

Nov. 27, 2018 | 10:04 a.m.

It'll never stop unless you stop playing poker. It's just the reality of this game; You will lose money due to variance.

I'd probably take a significant period of time off and re-evaluate my situation if I were you. Changing to a different site/games probably wouldn't hurt your mental state either.

Nov. 22, 2018 | 9:30 a.m.

PLO - Not even once.

Nov. 22, 2018 | 9:25 a.m.

A slightly more serious question:

Knowing you have been grinding for years... Do you still enjoy playing poker or do you often have to force yourself to sit down and grind ?

Nov. 5, 2018 | 1:22 p.m.

I can see why you reacted the way you did Saulo Ribeiro , but I posted that question half jokingIy and didn't expect OP to get offended by it. In hindsight, I could have taken a minute or two to think before posting the question. I had 0 intention to offend Onkled or this great journal of his. Peace.

Nov. 5, 2018 | 1:18 p.m.

Okey since you asked... I'll start by asking the most obvious one. ;)

NL100 regs top3 most costly leaks and/or your most common exploits vs pool.

Feel free to add more than 3 if you want. ;D

Nov. 2, 2018 | 1:01 p.m.

Nov. 1, 2018 | 9:35 a.m.

Check the "Chatter -> Poker Journals" section. For example this one:
https://www.runitonce.com/chatter/uncles-road-to-nl200-and-beyond-nl1/

Oct. 30, 2018 | 2:25 p.m.

Equilab :)

Oct. 8, 2018 | 1:27 p.m.

I'd like to know what kind of studying techniques you are currently using? :)

Oct. 5, 2018 | 11:32 a.m.

200k hands since June-July mostly nl100ff, some nl200ff.

Oct. 1, 2018 | 6:01 p.m.

With RB PP rake is lower than stars+ I am playing zoom part-time and winning.

Oct. 1, 2018 | 4:41 p.m.

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