Sigmund-Freud's avatar

Sigmund-Freud

115 points

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

Done with a session about an hr ago, paused and thought trough some hands. Happy with a few bluffcatches, dropped 2 BIs with trips vs boat in 4b pots, also won a few PF AIs, nothing really exiting. Read a few posts in the NL forum and found that some share really insightfull thoughts on hands. Will keep up reading forums.

Have not studied much this week, but a little everyday.
Played about 15K hands at 10NL, last 4K hands without HUD. Getting used to the pace of 4tbling fastpoker. avrg about 700 h/hr

Feels like I have maintained composure for the most part of the week, especially after taking a break before considering posting.

Shoutout to Nick Howard for an amazing 2nd place at the 3K 6mx WSOP event!!

[email protected]

June 16, 2019 | 9:26 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

I played a 3d session yesterday dropping 8 BIs and I understood that I get emotionally fueled from writing about my ups and downs. My posts usually are directly after a session. So I need to have a pause before, and if, I decide to write anything. It helped me regain alot of composure as I did not understand why I played with agitation when nothing was really different gamewise. Todays session was up 4 BIs and finally I made some good folds and calls. 4tbling is getting easier with an unclouded mind, felt concentrated most of the time.

[email protected]

June 13, 2019 | 9:48 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

If you fall of the horse,the best cure is to get back on it, they say. Cooled down for a while and put in a session with good concentration and not listening to any inner voices ( not mad :) ) trying to deviate my play. Stuck to plan.

June 12, 2019 | 9:08 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

Proper crap session, lost all AA, KK, QQ and AK hands, open season on flopping, turning or rivering sets, str8s and flushes. Players calling 4bets and sqs`s w 43s and flopping trips left and right.

The last two session sessions put a dent in my good mood trackrecord. The shitmagnet fear creeps back in, quite the number of bad beats and suckouts.

I trust the strategy one 100%, but having an uneasy feeling everytime you get delt AA-QQ and expecting to lose is not where I want my head to be.

June 12, 2019 | 7:50 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

Played on, but for the first time since I rechallenged myself I had to quit a session. The big plus was I did so before spiraling into a poor mentalgame abyss. Lost 5 BI to same player, and he luckboxed everyone, the entitlement fallacy feeds on this and I rationalized I`d better stop. Also I do not want to make it a bad beat bonanza :)

Avrg 750h/hr

June 11, 2019 | 10:19 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

End up vs quads for the nzillionth time this month, or more realistically 14th time :).

Made a bad KK call down on xxx A A run out, and lost a flip. 3 BI down total session. It seems the more recilient my mindgame the harder it is tested, but that is shreds of paranoia lurking.

June 11, 2019 | 8:15 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

The first part of my return to poker has been enjoyable. With less stress and tilt I have now started 4tbl fast 6mx and moved to 10nl, feeling comfortable. I can not put my finger on when or an it moment, but surrender is making sense to me now. I too enjoy the off the table work.
The major components of my stress has been:
* impatience¨
* intolerance to own mistakes
* result oriented mind set
* entitlement

[email protected]

Fun hand

June 10, 2019 | 7:23 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

Feels like I played this hand a hundred times this month already :).

But I am ok with it, it just is, and a zero hand in reality, I will get my share too.
Mental game has been good and poker is once again fun and interesting to me.
.

June 9, 2019 | 3:49 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

First 10-11K hands done.
Mental game has improved alot. I have had many great hands turn second best, literally, repeatedly :), and I`ve been struggling thinking I was a "shitmagnet" in the past.

I used to try to balance the ill feeling with what is good in my life outside poker, but have realized that the scale doesnt hold then. So instead I now focus on what is good in life with regards to poker and the balancing act then steadies my mind.

I have pros in my close sphere who share amazing material with me and in general are really nice persons, I`d like to call them friends. I can pursue poker and not be life and death dependent upon it. There is so much to learn and I love learning.

Strategy wise I am trying out new knowledge and experiementing some with my ranges vs different profiles, and mostly thinking it is great fun to play. And I have quit penalizing my every mistake. Looking forwards to more study and play, even after multiple bad beats over the last 5k hands.

[email protected]

June 5, 2019 | 10:48 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

The most evident change for me is within. These sessions would have tilted me really bad previously, multiple set over set, flush over flush and losing AA vs KK and running KK into AA etc. Not so now, very calm interior. With regards to my game I am more at peace with being less savvy then I imagined, and now therefore a better learner. If anologous to a game like soccer I`d say my offence is better then my defence, but I have a clear overview of what my overall gameplan is. It is just making sure all the pieces click with steady practise.
I am also completely convinced I will make it with the material I have available to study, and the attitude I now posess.
[email protected]

Todays session: still a callingstation, but way less then before :)

June 1, 2019 | 5:52 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Dionysus

Though session.

Played poor: callingstation and the 2 hands above. Sigh.

May 31, 2019 | 11:13 p.m.

Post | Sigmund-Freud posted in Chatter: Dionysus

Hi! I am running a journal again, expecting to not stress about updates, but chime in every so often with graphs, thoughts and rants :).

Quick recap.
* Played poker for +10 yrs as a nonprofessional.
* Was fortunate enough to be part of PokerDetox CFP almost 1,5 yrs ago.
* Got taken off the program as I did not handle the stress of higher limits well ( the stress was brought on by myself, and by higher I mean relevant to what I was used to: 400nl was the highest I played during this period, having started out as a losing 10 nl player)
* Took a more then 6 months break from poker.
* Spent much time "figuring out" myself.

Nick Howard and PokerDetox has been nothing but very supportive, and although I was very dissapointed in myself for not making the cut; I am very appreciative of them recognizing my poor handling of the stress, and even with the help they offered I was stuck in my head at the time. Letting me go was not only a professional decission on their behalf, it was a caring one.

The door has never been closed and I have received updates on the material I was given back then, to prepare for diving back in.

I will be playing micros for starters. Graph is from first session post break after studying the new material. Funny, I ended up down 8 BI in EV and still booked a win. Lots of all ins pf with AA vs all kinds and lost every single one, but unfazed this time. Really happy about that..... Keeping it Zen :)

[email protected], see you whenever :)

May 31, 2019 | 8:59 p.m.

It is possible and most likely that one is shit at poker and therefore just play a crap loosing strategy, but it is too possible to just be unlucky as fuck and run like a horseturd and lose tonns no matter. Clearly not a game for the fainth hearted and possibly not a game for most

April 26, 2019 | 11:44 p.m.

When, legit or not, you feel like if any thing governs the order of shit, it has definetly set out to fuck you up. If no matter how hard you try, you get the shit end of the stick no matter. Then I say, accept it, the world or whatever decided to fuck you up, and there is nothing to do about it
I have not gotten any happiness from poker and I am at peace with it
Just quit, find something usefull to do, learn a language, date a girl, fuck poker
.

April 26, 2019 | 11:21 p.m.

Conclusion is I suck every ounce as much as I did when I typed the first word in the blog and I am still as ignorant as to why. I just cannot fold hands that are obvious folds when it is for stack. Run good or bad, I suck at folding. And right now I am running really bad, I build 3-4BI wins and proceed to drop all of it in 1 single hand over and over, and it makes me feel really crap and increadibly stupid. So bad is this feeling I am taking an indefinite break. Proper downer, and since I can singel out the way I handle poker as the only reason it is really as knowing the disease and the cure. Ie quit until I know different, if ever.

[email protected]!

Sept. 14, 2018 | 9:04 p.m.

Sept. 13, 2018 | 8:55 p.m.

The keeping it fun part is important, and this week and today I am struggling to find it any fun.
Happy that my focus on dicipline has prevented venting and bad beat whining. But can not blame the ill turn of events alone. Down 14BI for the week total, Ie back to zero. Think I am going to take some days off. I need to refuel my BR due to my tiltjumps to 200 and 100 nl, and it is really hard now from where I live, and it is going to take at least 2 months to make enough to afford refuling. I am giving up on a lot of leisures, costwise, to put everything into poker, but maybe I should save up for some fun instead. Have not done anything fun in ages.

Obviously one way to quit sucking at poker is to not play poker :). And I have entertained the idea of just letting go of poker many times this past week. Clouded mind, right now. It is not the first time I run poor, but it is the same story. The folds should have been auomatic and clear. And I feel no improvement still in this department. I am only better at letting tilt not carry into my nonpoker life. and it feels as resignation.

[email protected]

Sept. 9, 2018 | 5:01 p.m.

I have not posted much this week for fear of venting.
I define tilt as anything that prevents me from playing my best. And I am no stranger to missplaying and getting lucky, but nowhere near the frquency I have been hit with these last 7k hands+-. Hence tilting several times every session.

Reframing it, I am still as terribly poor at folding secondnuts as I have ever been. Refusing to even consider that it is just one or 2 combos that should not be there and call, and ALWAYS finding it is the excact combo.
With regards to tilt I now find the pause button with relative ease. Not so damaging to my BR as it used to be. Not tempted to move up nor playing for extended periods of time.

I am just as lost to the reasons for my emotional override and quick-clicks as before.
Improved on understanding texture. range interactions, and acting on my belief in so many situations except this recurring one.

Started reading one more book: On writing well.
Excert that stood out to me: His was the seemingly effortless style-achieved, I knew, with great effort.
Reason: I believe I have a degree of fair of failure, and often searc for quick fixes, instead of commiting to the workload and just do. Now I focusing on working deliberatly and accepting the difficulties, with curiousity as to how far I can take this.

I could have picked todays image from anyone of the sessions I have played this week, they look the same :)

My hearth sinks when I see how much I would have avoided losing just finding the fold button once more often every session.

[email protected]

Sept. 8, 2018 | 1:42 p.m.

Beginning of new month seems like a decent spot to make some considerations.
Halfway through project part 1: 50k hands @25nl, 10bb/100.

Volum: ok, considering I spend the most time watching Ben Sulsky vids and toying around with PIO sims. I am not hard on myself being only a few K hands behind schedule.

My last session of about 800 hands was an interesting one. It seemed to touch on all the aspects I am working on.

Tilt: lost 3 underset vs overset. And not affected in the least.

Concentration/callingstation/acting without proper thoughtprocess: 1.5 BI lost, but improved on. Much is improved on paying attention to how my adversaries choose their strategies.

Strategy understanding: It really feels as the studies are paying off. I have found a very relevant situation to investigate.

Insight into self: I have not had a proper professional mindset, in poker and in other important aspects of life. It dawned on me during session and I could understand clearly what needs to improve.

Fun: absolutely loving it, poker is so layered.

Goal for month, keep the pace and do more of what I am doing now.

It has only been a month and clearly I was not expecting my flaws to miraculously evaporate just because I am intent on improving. Happy with progress. Reading through my journal I find it productive. I have on other occassions attempted to journal, but it ended up being a place where I only vented and brought on an ill cycle.

25 k hands ev bb/100 5.80
Knowing all my mistakes I now believe 25 is beatable for above 10bb/100.

[email protected]!

Sept. 2, 2018 | 5:18 p.m.

Seems I posted this in the wrong thread first. Repost
Had some ideas and was adviced to post them here.
1.RIO poker. Option to buy RIO pro coaching with frequent player points.
2. RIO poker. RIO pro coaching awarded in MTT's, SnG's, and other creative ways in cash game etc. example rio pro weak, play x amounts of hands and enter a draw for pro coaching relevant to stakes.
3. RIO.com. Many can not afford pro coaching from high level pros. But draws would make it affordable. Eg. pro has 500$ hrly for coaching. Enter a draw at 1$ a ticket. 1/500 is not bad for excellent coaching. The draw does not happen if the 500 limit is not reached obv(unlikely). Random thoughts��. What is your take?

Aug. 31, 2018 | 9:47 a.m.

Created a checklist to keep next to pc when playing. It is my mentalgame coach. Played 3 hrs+, had a 45 min period of collected mindset as I imagine it should be. Then drifted to and from. New small win in my book. Tilted slightly during the last 5 min due to cognitive dissonance, but reading the check list brought me back and I quit the session when I could answer that I was not making collected ev plays to the best of my knowledge. Session was enjoyable, quit on a mental high.

Aug. 30, 2018 | 11:30 p.m.

Back to back poor sessions. Running plays and not succeeding ie wrong strategy, and running into lots of sets. If I was not so bad, Id be pretty good :). To much of a calling station, typically refusing to believe it is that one combo that it always is. If I where to imagine what my learning would look like as an inchworm, it is now streched full length and Ive learned some new stuff that I am implementing ok, reaching forward. But my tail is stuck right where I started and I commit a ton of stubborn mistakes. So it feels as if I am not moving. And I see it clearly when revising, but can not manage a fold at the table. Closest to tilt I have been in a week. But not tempted to ruin my BR at higher stakes. Small win.

Realized I was tiltish as I could feel my mood correlating with the steady decline of wins. And even if I try to not be result oriented and avoid cheking my graph, it was just to noticable a trend.
Probaly close to 20 BI lost to tilt and weak calling station strategy since start of project. Not counting the spew at higher stakes...

[email protected]!

Aug. 29, 2018 | 10:46 p.m.

Comment | Sigmund-Freud commented on Elite Membrship

I think the content at Elite is mind blowing.

Aug. 28, 2018 | midnight

Small update.
Hands total: closing in on 20k, behind schedule by 6-7k hands. Not surprised, studies take up most time and rightly so.
Studies: stoked, looking forward to every session. Planned progress.
Mindset: convinced that the studies have shifted my perspective. There are several kinds of tilt, but the brutal stupid tilt has not had a chance to surface after I dug into PIO, and I think the resource it draws nutrition from is becoming thin on ground. Time will bear evidence.

Evaluation quality of game. C.
Evaluation enjoyment. A.
Evaluation dicipline. B-.
Evaluation studies. B. Elaborated: still bouncing a bit. But with a firm sense of direction.
Evaluation theory comprehension. C.
Reminder.
Ethos: we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.
Core value: dicipline.

Goal for week.
Continued work on constructing my gameplan. Consuming Ben Sulsky vids and playing around with PIO. Keep reading « The intelligent pokerplayer».
Hands 19600.
evbb/100 5.82 .
Tiltsession included, but filtered for only 25nl. Spewed 4 Bi at 200nl and 3 at 100nl.

[email protected]!

Aug. 27, 2018 | 8:21 p.m.

Frustration vent: Bitdefender is a proper shit antivirus solution. False positives on all my poker programs: PIO, HEM2, H2N and PARTY. Now nothing functions and upon reinstalling it still deletes and makes it impossible to restore the files even if that is an option, and I have whitelisted everything. And the temporary turn off function is bull, still "disinfects" any attempt to reinstall, 4 hrs wasted, tilted and a day I had set off to enjoy studying and playing is ruined. Will never buy it again, and I am getting a new one tomorrow. Whoever wrote the great reviews on the tech sites must have been bribed, stear clear!!!

Aug. 26, 2018 | 10:15 p.m.

Had some ideas and was adviced to post them here.
1.RIO poker. Option to buy RIO pro coaching with frequent player points.
2. RIO poker. RIO pro coaching awarded in MTT's, SnG's, and other creative ways in cash game etc. example rio pro weak, play x amounts of hands and enter a draw for pro coaching relevant to stakes.
3. RIO.com. Many can not afford pro coaching from high level pros. But draws would make it affordable. Eg. pro has 500$ hrly for coaching. Enter a draw at 1$ a ticket. 1/500 is not bad for excellent coaching. The draw does not happen if the 500 limit is not reached obv(unlikely). Random thoughts😊. What is your take?

Aug. 25, 2018 | 4:09 p.m.

Definitely a sensation of cracking through a layer. PIO and RIO elite is where I spend the bulk of my poker time. But got the itch after 4 hrs of video and PIO and had a great time playing 25nl.

It is literally as if poker is all new to me. Clearly a strong mental game is imperative, and my notion that it hinges a lot on studies commited to is fortified. The hard part has been figuring out what to study and taking the leap.

Fun session. Commited 4 large errors, 1 for stack. And faulted a very clear value sequence where I missplayed my range. Sure there is plenty more, but those are not obvious to me yet.

Fun hand.

[email protected]!

Aug. 23, 2018 | 11:57 p.m.

My schedule has become heavily weighted towards studies and watching videos. Ratio PIO:video:play=4:2:1. And I am enjoying it very much. My mindgame is to not have a preset idea of how hard this may or may not be, rather just enjoy that I have the time to spend and that I find it so intriguing.

I too think that the mental game is entwined with the amount of studies one does and how enjoyable those are. During todays study session I had a pause and my mind drifted to other activities I have pursued with great pleasure. I broke my foot pretty bad this winter and that just after having two rounds of surgery to the same foot 6 months prior. And loving bjj I have not had the possibility to do any other excersise than really light work since. During bjj drills and sparing I would lose sense of time and just enjoy myself, wether I noticed my condition improved, or that I need be stronger, landed a sub, noted I was more flexible or had to work on flexibility, or was against a superior opponent that had me understand or explained to me my leaks and room for improvements.

Today I played my session with the same attitude and focused on retaining the "language" I use when studying, taking notes or questioning something I do not understand. And all the fun was present in game as well. I even laughed in some spots where my rangeguess or thought-process was ridiculously off. Mental game win!

Aug. 21, 2018 | 11:09 p.m.

My graph looks like the McDonalds logo and has done so for some 300k hands. Just finished a southgoing session and I am not allowing myself to post bad beats and coolers. Down another 4 BI and besides the coolers I was caught in many situations that I knew not what the right play was supposed to be. Much analysing ahead.

Really happy with the content at Elite.

It is a sobering sensation to take in how delusional a sentiment I have been caught in. Thinking I was good at poker. Both the content I am studying now and the PokerDetox program has shown me how a great pokermind should function and the distance I am from that level of mastery.

The willingness to work hard is there, but I wonder if the task is beyond me.

Aug. 19, 2018 | 11:15 p.m.

I have not figured out the construction of my tilts yet, but I can guess at my mindset and internal dialogue whilst playing as a key point for my search. Unfolding my mental game and exploring the gap between my imagined objective intellect and very real subjective emotional spell is where I am at. My "trial end error" for the coming week is to reshape my in game poker vocabulary. The idea is to ward off words which holds emotional connotations.

Posting a hand from 50 NL.

[email protected]!

Aug. 19, 2018 | 9:06 a.m.

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