Cyd

January 2024 - End of month update

Hello everyone,

I am late for the February update, so I’ll keep it short.
Between a week of holidays, a week being sick and now an antibiotic treatment accompanied by several medical appointments, volume has been low last month, especially live.
Run was pretty horrible too, with some very challenging days mindset wise.
I still have a long way to go before I can accept fully what poker is putting me through.

Live results
Online graph

But we go again, this month I’ll pump up the volume, with 4 live sessions per week minimum, and one online.
So far we’re off to a good start, so let’s keep up the good work !
I set for myself the goal of growing the bankroll before the EPT Monte Carlo at the end of April, accommodation is booked, there’s no turning back !

Until then, take care and speak soon.

January 2024 - End of month update

Hello dear friends !

Give yourself a pat on the back, January is over and we’re still standing !

As mentioned previously, I am now a live grinder for the time being. I worked on optimising my schedule and routines this way, and I’m quite happy with how I’m adapting to the new lifestyle.

I played 114h of live poker this month, which is probably not that much for a full time live pro, but a number I’m happy with for a first (winter) month in a new environment. I will aim at increasing it slightly, but within reason, as I have no intention of starting to grind 200h per month and neglecting all the other areas of my life that I’m working on, ie study days, gym, preparation and most importantly recovery.

I knew I wouldn’t be playing much online, but still totalled about 8,5k hands, that helped me stay sharp and confident in the fact that even when things go badly at the live tables, I’m still used and able to compete in 20x tougher environments online.

So as far the results go, we end the month with +5,3k from live 2/5, and about +3k online, after catching some heat the last day at 500nl.
Not a bad start of the year then.
Live results are around expectations let’s say, but I am confident I can do much better than that. There are many situations that I think I misplayed this month, and I aim to correct that.

Live results
Online graph

To sum up, it’s exciting to test my skills in a « new » environment and make a decent start. Now we’re going to push further, increase performance and go for every edge possible.

Cheers to February, have a nice one friends !

2023 - End of year

Hello my friends,

First of all, a happy new year to all of you !

This end of year report will be quite short, but involves some big changes.

As I mentioned before, I started working with a mindset/performance coach, and I recently committed myself to playing live poker only until further notice.

This year has been just another disaster online, and this is the best (the only?) +EV option for me at the moment.
Focusing on games with high win rates and low level competition will bring some confidence back and a much needed break from all that happened previously.

I am not going to post any graph this year, as this wouldn’t do anything good ; I’ll accept this losing year and grow from it.

Live poker has always been my mid-term goal anyway, and I think it fits me quite well.
I would have wished this shift to happen differently, but that’s what it is.

I will report my progress and results here, and hopefully maybe develop on other aspects that this new endeavour involves.

GL to all for January, let’s speak soon !

Home sweet home

Good evening folks, long time no speak.

Wanted to bring some quick news from the front.

After a roughly three-month "trial period" on GG, I decided to stop the bleeding and end it there. Results have been pretty terrible, I've been evidently unable to adapt to the nittiest of pool I've ever played in.

At the beginning of last month, I have therefore come back to the first love of my life.
Where felt is greener, chips are softer, regs are wider, and rake is abusing you still, but with a silky voice and some kind words in between.

The red spade is the devilish mistress of my life. I know fully well she's not the one I can marry and live happily ever after with, but I just can't help longing for her warm embrace and calling her back every time.

I will drop here this meaningless sample played this last month at 200nl, the way some questionable coaches do.
This is just a weak (human) strategy of proving to myself that I've made the right choice.

On top of that, I've just started working with a mindset coach, and it's looking absolutely terrific.
Sessions will be sparse, as my financial means are unfortunately very low at the moment, but I'm on my way to becoming stronger on the most important side of this beautiful game.

My next post will very likely be a recap of this troubled year that's ending very far from my initial poker goals, but surely this is a gift in disguise to build even more resilience, and never taking anything for granted.

I hope everything is well for you all and wish you a happy snowy December.

Speak soon, friends.

A new chapter

Hello my friends.

So, at the beginning of August, Metagame decided to fire me from their team.
I was upset for a few days, unable to really comprehend why, but decided to not let it bring me down and see it as an opportunity for novelty, and in general just another challenge to overcome.

The next day I wrote to my old friend Freenachos , who trained me in Poker Detox in 2020, and immediately signed with his new stable Nachos Poker. I’m grateful for his trust, and glad to join his team where I already know a lot of great players.

I ended up not playing online much this month, first because I had to clear my accounts and transfer the new staking funds, and second because I needed to take some time off and enjoy the end of the summer here in Vienna. Still managed to make 8k$ on GG in a week, and played a bit of live cash at the local casino.

Like I said two weeks ago, we’re back on track and ready to perform. I’ll be hitting the tables on Monday with a strong schedule and routine, so get ready for some light call downs !

Speak soon.

Failure is not an option

Alright guys, let’s cut the BS.
We’re back on track.

Was I very unlucky this past year ? Most likely.
Did I go through a lot personally ? Definitely.
Is it a good enough reason to justify how I’ve been lamenting and found myself down so much recently ? No.

Failure is not an option.
And it never was.
I’m reconnecting to the real me, the one who always strived for greatness, for the unachievable.

I’m here for the win.
And « winning does not negotiate. You won or you lost. It doesn’t care how hard you worked, it doesn’t care about extenuating circumstances that got in your way. » (TS Grover)

PS : Bigger update coming very soon.

Hey buddy ! Thanks for asking, and forcing me to update this thread haha.
I'm sorry I didn't make my regular updates for a while (I just realised it's been 4 months !), but I just couldn't find the will to do so.
Poker has been very brutal with me for over a year now, and even though I believe I became quite resistant mentally throughout the years, I must admit that mindset hasn't been on point lately.
My life situation has changed a lot last year and so did the "pressure" to get results that are still not coming despite the work I put in.
And to be 100% honest, I was probably not very eager to share the terrible graphs I've been producing ;)
I will add that in a way I'm lucky to go through these rough times alongside all my buddies in Metagame, who are bringing me a lot of support and make this period much more bearable.

I will definitely not let this blog die, and will get back to posting ASAP, but I might still need a bit of time to nurture the confidence and mental health.
Take care everyone !

January 2023 - End of month update

Good evening my friends, and cheer up, January is over ! Meaning we survived the worst month of the year (for those of us living in the northern hemisphere, at least).

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Results are still far from satisfying, but at least it’s not a disaster money-wise, so let’s not be too harsh on ourselves.

I’ve been playing less hours per day, more often, and I think I’ll keep on going down that route. Way healthier and easier to sustain.
I’m still falling too often into the trap of playing too many tables however, especially when I mix in nl200 ; the abundance of good tables makes it hard to resist.
That led me to make a couple of horrendous misclicks this month that I’m still not over haha.

So again, we need quality over quantity.

Can’t complain about personal life though, mental health has improved a lot lately.

Hope you’re all well and ready to perform this year !

Speak soon.

Thanks for the support guys, and have a wonderful new year !

2022 Yearly Results and goals for 2023

Hello boys and girls !

Time to wrap up this disaster year and start fresh !
Thought I’d just skip the December report and make one post that sums up the year.

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

It is pretty obvious that these results are quite catastrophic ; I’ve basically been a rakeback grinder this year, which I’m obviously not proud of.

Those were forged by a combination of many events, as always.

For starters, I certainly ran in the bottom 5% of the possible distribution most of the year ; we’ll just get this out of the way as whining does not improve anything,

Second, my life completely changed and kinda went to hell mid-year, going from a stable relationship / income / lifestyle to complete day-
to-day unknown territory, having to support myself completely with my poker income pretty much overnight. As one can easily imagine, that’s no the most fertile ground for good performance at the tables, or even motivation to sit down and play. Luckily I started the healing process quickly, and 6 months later, I now feel that this is 90% behind me.

Third, and that one is an upside and not a downside, I was lucky enough to be approached this spring by a great stable that shares the same vision as mine, and that provided a lot of support during these harsh times. I am grateful (and also proud of myself for making the right decision at the right time - as I could have gotten cocky and just declined their offer), because I honestly don’t know where I’d be if I’ve had to go through all of this by myself.
Continuing with the upsides, I was lucky to be surrounded by a few fellow grinders during that time, who also made this period more tolerable. Much love to my friend who hosted me in his house for the whole summer in Malta when I was at the bottom (you know who you are), hope I’ll be able to repay you someday.

And lastly, I managed to start a new life in a new part of the world where I almost didn’t know anyone, (almost) didn’t speak a word of the local language, while still licking my wounds. And again, this is done, and even though the situation could be better and I made many mistakes along the way, I am now in a safe place with everything I need to work properly and focus on my goals.

Now a few lessons with can learn from all of this :

We should never take anything for granted, as very little in life is completely under our control. That’s also why poker is such an amazing school of life.
We will never perform at our best all the time, even though we try very hard. Some periods are gonna be hell, that’s just how it is. All we can do is be prepared and get ready for the next round.
I am not good enough yet. I want to take as much ownership as I can towards these results, and despite the bad variance I could’ve done maaaany things way better the whole year. So time to fix these leaks bit by bit, that I believe mostly come from macro-management.

So in 2023 I will :

Work smarter. Make my study time more efficient by planning it and organising it. I wanna be the man with a plan.

Improve my health and my energy levels. Drink less alcohol. Keep up with better nutrition habits. Improve my routines and skip them as rarely as possible.
Subsidiary fitness goal : get under 15% body fat. That should be achievable in 6 months, but I don’t care how long it takes as long as I’m feeling good.

Improve my focus at the tables. Play less tables, focus on quality over quantity. Table select better. Cut ALL distractions, I noticed I’ve been slacking on that part recently, when I used to be pretty good at it.

Plan holidays and breaks in advance, so I don’t have to make these decisions last minute and waste brain energy.

Concrete poker goals will be the same as last year : go back to playing 5/10 as my main game, and take shots at 25/50 before the end of the year.

As always, nothing crazy, just small improvements, I still don’t believe in overnight radical changes ;)

That said, enjoy you NYE my friends, and as I can’t wish you a happy new year yet, I’ll wish you to end this one the best you can / the way you want it !

Speak soon.

November 2022 - End of month update

Hello my friends,
And so we finally bring some good news and decent results !
Here is November :

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Always funny how just one short (and quite insignificant after all) month can do wonders for the mindset.

Of course it’s not only poker ; I finally have an apartment, so now the real journey is starting ! I basically only have a bed and a desk right now, but that’s enough to work, and to approach day-to-day life in a way more relaxed way.

Now I’ll try to take some time to set some goals for the near future. I’ve been planning close to nothing these last months.
Poker expectations were not met this year, but that’s alright, goals are not there to always be reached or to punish ourselves when they’re not. They’re here to push us to become better all the time, and to give us meaning, purpose in what we do.

Anyway, cheers to better times my friends ! Speak soon.

Hey belrio42, thanks for your comment.
You're absolutely right, I was certainly chasing losses last month, hiding behind reasons like completing RB challenges etc.
I corrected that this month and went back to my normal volume goals,
Still far from perfect, I will try to play shorter and more efficient days (mostly meaning less tables), even if that means playing more days in the month.

Hey buddy, thanks for your message !
Yup that's what I'm doing right now, practicing humility and patience ;)
And I'm always happy to meet fellow players too, don't hesitate to hit me up !
Cheers !

October 2022 - End of month update

Hey there boys and girls,
Another late update and another very difficult month, let’s not make it habit !

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Despite what I said last month, October was once again very challenging on all levels. I had a few very dark days, but I’m still here, thanks to the support of my stable and the people around me. The healing process is not finished, and that was to be expected, so let’s just be patient, and try to keep up with the consistency.

I might finally have some good news regarding my flat search, and I should sign a rental agreement very soon and finally move in ASAP. My future roommate is a great player, and I’m looking forward to see if this will drive me to work even harder.

Poker-wise the run is still awful, still tens of thousands of euros under EV since the beginning of the year as I’m writing these lines. But that shouldn’t be our focus or derail us from playing the best we can.

I’ll be playing more mid-stakes this month until I rebuild a little, not only the bankroll but mostly the confidence, and go back to a good performance average.

Take care and speak soon my friends !

Thanks my man, I'll be waiting for you in case she changes her mind ;)

September 2022 - End of month update

Oh man, I am really late on this one !
Once again, I was probably not very happy to share these results.

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

I think that qualifies for the worst month of the year (so far !).
What can I say, I’m not good enough yet for my ambitions, and secondarily most probably in the bottom 5% of a normal distribution (maybe even bottom 2% haha).
But none of that is immutable ; every event is independent (remember your maths classes !).
We’re gonna work even harder, play our volume and even more if possible, enjoy life nonetheless, because that’s all we can do about it.

Now onto the good news :
Life is getting slowly better ; I arrived in Vienna about three weeks ago now, and even though I’m still at the hotel looking for a flat to rent (which ain’t easy when you’re a poker player), I am so extremely excited ! I love the city even more now than I did 5-6 years ago when I visited it, it really seems like the perfect fit to me, and I easily see myself staying here for many years to come.
My mental health and my German are (very) slowly improving as well, the environment is helping, and it will get much better as soon as I am settled.

Right now, I’m trying to stick to good habits, while still allowing myself to cut some slack when it’s good for the mindset and the network / future, as this is a big part of happiness for me. I am probably a rare species of way too social animal for a poker player !

Enough about me and this mediocre late update, I’ll do my best to bring more green numbers and good news early November.

Tschüss !

August 2022 - End of month update

Hello everyone, hope you’re all doing good.

I’m slowly but surely getting back on track here.
Very challenging summer for sure, but I’m trying to see this as an opportunity to grow, focus on the present, make plans for the future and become stronger.
And I’m making quick progress, thanks to the help of the people around me, the sessions with Dr Scipiao from BRPC, many of you guys’ messages of support, a pinch of will, and also the fact that my wife happens to be one of the kindest person on earth and therefore I have no doubt that this whole divorce process will be handled smoothly.

Before going further, here are this month's results :

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Swingy month, but scoring a « win » is very welcome for the mindset after four losing reports.
Of course this doesn’t mean much as always, and we’re still far from the goal we’ve set at the beginning of 2022, ie taking shots at 25/50 before the end of the year.
My few rare shots at 10/20 haven’t been working well so far, but we’ll keep on trying until it works of course.
It’s only a matter of time and game selection as the skill gap does not appear to be significant if there at all.

Regarding the (very) near future, I decided to move to Vienna !
I’ll be there on September 15, so if any of you are in Austria, please hit me up and I’ll be glad to meet fellow players.
I had Vienna in mind for a few years, and what better moment than right now for a fresh start ?

Lastly, I promise I’ll be taking some time in the near future to write more than just monthly updates. I might have some free time on the ferry ;).

Looking forward to meeting a lot of new people, wandering the streets of this beautiful city, and of course becoming altogether better poker players and human beings !

Take care.

Thanks a lot, everyone <3
Really appreciate all the support.
Let's focus on what we can control, as always ; time heals all wounds !

July 2022 - End of month update

Hello friends,

Here’s to the most challenging month of the year so far.

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Pretty terrible period life-wise and consequently poker-wise.
Currently in the middle of a break-up with my wife and 10-year partner, I moved out of my apartment three weeks ago but was lucky enough to have a friend who very kindly accepted to temporarily rent me a room in his house. So I’m experimenting house-sharing with other grinders for the first time, and it is great to not be alone in these troubled times.
Obviously mental game hasn't been on point lately, and I’m still struggling to sit down and play, which never really happened to me before.
So I've definitely been playing most sessions in B-Game for some time ; however my performances don’t seem as catastrophic as my recent results may suggest, it looks like I’m mostly running really really bad.

Pretty tough challenge life is throwing at me right now, but we’re gonna pull it together and get back on track slowly.
I’m taking as many days off as I can without missing my volume target, and trying to make plans for the near future.

Take care of your loved ones today my friends, as you’ll never know what life could throw at you tomorrow ;)

Speak soon.

emsterdad
Well I think it is yes. In a way, making this "career" choice is kind of a long-term gamble :)

June 2022 - End of month update

And just like that, half of the year was gone !
Hope everyone’s doing well and enjoying the summer.

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Breaking even (after RB) never felt so good !
Got destroyed again for most of the month, so the last days felt pretty good I must say, even if it doesn’t really matter.

After un-zooming a bit recently, I realised that I’m breaking even (in terms of BIs) for more than 220k hands now this year, and still down around 55 BIs since my last upswing.
But at the same time, my results at high stakes (5/10+) have been pretty sick so far : Graph / Stakes breakdown.

Don’t believe the hype guys ; even as professionals, we have no idea what variance can actually be. And it’s scary AF.
I really recommend this article from Patrick Howard on that subject, he explains it better than I would : Stop comparing your results to others.

Besides that, things are going fine, I (re)switched to an evening/night routine, and almost doubled my daily volume by doing that. That means I’ll be able to take full days off more regularly again, which will be great for the mindset and will allow me to enjoy the summer a bit more. It was also necessary for the workouts, as there’s no way you can do anything else than staying indoors with the AC blasting when it’s 40 degrees outside all day long haha.

And despite the poor results these last three months, I still love the game more than ever, I’m still getting better bit by bit, and I stay optimistic about the future. Many regs I use to be afraid of for a long time now start to appear quite weak, or at least not dangerous to me, and I rarely feel outmatched in my games anymore.
So, as always, let’s just focus on what we can control !

Take care everyone, there’s a topic I’ve been wanting to discuss for a bit : the competitive spirit in poker. I’ll take the time this month to write some words on this, don’t hesitate if you have any suggestions, questions or subjects we could brainstorm around.

Speak soon.

So glad for you my man ! Let's go !

May 2022 - End of month update

Hey there, I’m late for the May update, I took a few days off in Rome last week (the city where I grew up), and maybe I was unconsciously not very eager to share those haha :

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Another tough month, the second in a row, and June is not starting strong either :)

However I have some news : I was recently approached by Max Lacerda from BRPC, and after talking a while with him and Saulo, I was pleasantly surprised by their methodology and overall organisation, and how they seem to constantly try to improve and aim for the best.
So even though I wasn’t really looking for another CFP contract, signing with them sounded like the right move for my upcoming career !

It’s not going to be easy though ; I will have to consistently play a lot of volume, while also studying on the side, attending the coaching calls, drilling the spots etc.
But there’s no reward for those who don’t sweat, we know that, and poker definitely doesn’t come cheap (for the long-run player at least).

Now it’s time to put the work in, and continue to move towards being « result independent ».

Take care and speak soon !

Well done Patrick, that's awesome !

April 2022 - End of month update

Hello everyone,

Here we’re about full honesty and transparence, even during rough patches. So here are the results for April.

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

To these numbers, you can add (or should I say subtract) about 4,5k of live losses, and about 1,5k on GG. That should bring us to around -14k total.
I finally had my first 35BI downer of the year !
But that’s OK. It’s only numbers, small samples, and from yesterday I’m now back to full online mode, with the goal to improve as much as I can and get back on track.

I’m not very happy about how I played recently, both live and online. However I’m happy with how I handled the swings. I keep on remembering that I reached a point where it’s OK for me to drop 10k in a day. Sure it’s slowing me down, but it’s not crushing my life and soul.

Sun is shining, good times are ahead, now it’s time to show them what we’re made of !

Take care my friends.

Hey friends, a quick update from Spain.

My one-week trip turned into a three-week trip, after catching Covid the first week (most likely) in the casino. I had almost no symptoms but decided to do a test just in case. So I extended my stay twice and rented an apartment on my own, waiting for this thing to leave my body. This morning I tested negative again, so I'll be heading home on Friday.

Besides that, the ESPT was a lot of fun overall. I played the Main Event (for fun), managed to run good and almost made a very nice score, busting 17th out of 784 on Day 3.
The cash games were also pretty sweet, even if I didn't run well. We mostly played very deep 10/20 games in the "private room" of the casino, felt like a big VIP whale haha,

Since then, I haven't played much online because grinding long hours on the laptop is not very pleasant, and I can only access Winamax from here, but still managed to score a bit over 10k hands,
It's a good exercise after all, I'm trying to play four tables only, the best I can, and do more study as well. Even took a RIO Elite sub for the first time ever :)

Hope everyone is doing well, see you soon at the tables !

March 2022 - End of month update

Hello my friends !
The online grind is over for me this month, tomorrow I’ll be heading for Madrid for Pokerstars' ESPT festival and finally play some (hopefully good) live games again !

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

Another good month so far, but I’m sure I have enough of one week to punt everything at 10/20 live haha.
It will be nice to catch a break and leave the island for a few days.

Actually, just knowing that I would go significantly improved my mood recently (that, along with the announcements of two upcoming festivals in Malta next month).
It means novelty, change, going out, seeing people, networking, all these things I love to do and that I was eager to find again in poker. But I guess I already mentioned that !

Anyway, reach out and say hello if you’re in Madrid this week !

Take care.

Meliodas
Hey bro, OK I think I get it.
Just wanted to add that this "vision" I have doesn't bring me suffering or frustration (at least not anymore).
Just thought it'd be interesting to share some ideas here, and I don't have any issue with people not embracing the same mindset ;)

Discomfort Thanks ! I'm playing mainly Pokerstars (EU and FR), and a bit of Winamax.

February 2022 - End of month update

And... the shortest month of the year is over (although it didn’t feel that short).
Everything is going well so far, another good month in the books !

Graph (BB)
Graph (Euros)
Stakes Breakdown

What’s funny is my run at 500nl on Stars.Fr, which is usually the stake where I had one of my highest WR. It especially concerns a couple of regs I play all the time that are experiencing the most god-like run against me, maybe they’ll recognize themselves haha.
Otherwise I (again) played a bit too much for my standards, and didn’t take enough time to study off the tables. I need to correct that as this is what renews my enjoyment, learning new strategies and trying to apply them.

Otherwise I’m getting a bit tired of the winter, as always around that time of the year. However I’m really happy to see that most major events are coming back this year ; we’ll have two small festivals in Malta in the second half of April, as well as others in Europe, so I’m currently trying to see which ones I’ll be able to attend and find other players to share accommodations.
I miss traveling and live poker a lot, and the beauty of our lifestyle is that it allows us to combine business and pleasure this way !
That’s what I loved about music too, and certainly what also motivated me almost five years ago now to try to become a full time poker player.

Hope you guys are all doing well, and maybe meet some of you IRL this year.

Speak soon.