Jeff_

#33

Back to Thailand. It is my fifth day here and today I played 3 sessions, for the first time here. Not a lot of hands and didn’t feel particularly inspired and interested. More lazy and without a spark.
Even though at some point I really got revenge and hate-losing tilt. Which means everything is nice. Means I care and I am involved!

As always, have some thoughts, have some ideas and have some worries. About the game, about the future and about many other things.
Noticing what I am feeling and what are the reasons behind some of my emotions. Diving into observation and reflection.

Ego, competition, comparison, desires, perfectionism, idealisation….
Care…
Motivation and inspiration…

Hm, always so interesting. Like a universe which have so many puzzles and even uncovering tiny parts can make ‘‘Wow’’ effect.
Feel a bit pressured now, feel tight, feel too disciplined and too rigid. Like a rock which is so heavy to move. Became also slightly idealist and striving for perfection. Forget to enjoy my time, to smile and to be present. To be in the moment. If say in poker terms - became too GTO and balanced. Don’t want to allow myself room for mistakes, blunders or playing out of the box.
With time it is like that I believe. I am that type of person who easily falls back to old behaviour and habits. Need to remind myself here and there. At first I play poker because I love it a lot, but after a while I forget that I love it and it is my job, after I forget pretty much everything and just want results. Quite easy to substitute concepts with time.

Setting goals

Now it's time to set some goals. I'm a bit surprised that I don’t have anything in that sense. Could be lack of motivation and interest is partly because of that. No excitement as well.
My goal is nl5000 at GGpoker. Try it, touch it, squeeze it.
Experience and see where it will bring me.

P.S. I think being positive in life is so underrated. Even positive because of illusions and unclear perception

August

Graph from main rooms. Overall results this month from 4500$ to 6500$. Super good!!!!

Yesterday I came back to Thailand and not gonna play till Monday.
This month I spent in my home and wasn’t particularly happy, actually opposite I found myself overthinking, being negative, toxic and catastrophic. Blue and melancholic.

A difficult month psychologically and emotionally. Depression, sadness, melancholy. Problems with interest, motivation and involvement. Poker was not always my priority. Overall, I did well - there were both good and bad periods. Mostly, I treated everything calmly, without excessive sadness or joy.
Considering all the components, circumstances and opportunities, I am pleased and happy with myself. I am happy with what happened, how it happened. I am grateful to myself, I tried and did everything in my power. Sometimes I gave up and tilted, sometimes I went all the way, got lost and found strength and motivation. I was sad, upset, and tired.
I will praise myself for my successes and forgive my failures. There are no regrets, we move on, I have acquired a lot.

Key thoughts:
1. I am what I am thinking (so powerful and really meaningful)
2. No expectations from poker or that it owes me anything
3. Losing always unpleasant
4. Good results increasing EGO and expectations
5. Forgiveness

Goals for next month:
1) Checking results every Friday (ONLY! Doesn’t matter what's going on, checking too often doesn’t seems to have benefits or increase quality of the plays)
2) Studying with interest (less time than before but more enjoyable)
3) Shot aggressively up to nl5000
4) Observing my state (Happiness, interest and joy, negative thoughts, annoyance and displeasure)

Good luck in September!
Stay healthy and overthink little bit less <3

#32
Hi!
Today let’s start with a few questions:

How are things going?

Three days in a row I feel really unlucky, getting into many tough situations and also wrong in a lot of those. Not correct assumptions and bad variance, playing aggressive and without immediate benefit. Actually in the last 3 days, everyday I have hit worse than 25% run each day (by my feelings and this is subjective). My graph took a deep dive. Well, that sucks and happens. If it was the other way around I would be contending for recording the best month.
It really does feel that things are not going well, not difficult to notice and realise it with logic. However with heart it is hard.
I hate losing and I hate when I get outplayed. In poker and pretty much any area of life. Even if my favourite team loses I also get angry and annoyed. That’s my quality and part of me. After that, I became more toxic and annoyed in general.

In two days I have a flight back to Thailand. That also feels a bit weird. I loved my time home at most, even though I wasn’t happy but it is not because of home. It is because of my thinking.
While in Thailand - also had unhappy moments and tough times. Wasn’t always easy or nice. Overthinking and feeling upset. But it is also based on me, not location.
Nevertheless I have huge anticipation towards it. It is like you are waiting for something a lot and that feeling is better than the actual event. Haha, exactly like that. Waiting is so good! However, when time passes it's gonna be gone. Maybe leaving emptiness and blank dreams.
Human nature I think. When we are kids and before christmas we are super excited about the presents and celebration, but when the day actually occurs we might be less happy than while we were waiting for it.

What's my plan?

Since I don’t run so well and certainly might not be playing excellently either. I will select more and cut the amount of tables.
Stakes gonna be the same, I dropped nl200 out of the lobby because that limit only brings additional tilt and gonna focus on nl400-nl1000. Rooms same as before. Might try applications later this year.
Gonna study as usual and find interest in it. Learning how to play aggressively and also learning from other players. Some of them are actually very good and have a lot to teach me. I have big respect for people who regwar in a high rake environment or in high stakes. Taking aggressive shots and risking. Embracing swings - winning and losing. Putting volume and spending time in the lab. Learning pool tendency and playing very exploitative poker.
For sure many players get what they deserve (in a good way I mean). And many players didn’t get. Obviously we don’t know what the future holds for us, we don’t know what will happen and how things will go. But we can be present, we can enjoy what we are doing, we can try to be happy just today. That’s enough.
We can be toxic sometimes and angry. Yes, why not? Why need to hold everything inside? We can be angry at other players or variance. No need to be perfect or ideal, no need to try to make everyone pleased and happy. No need to always try hard or strive for our dreams. Can have some time off and just relax fully, be lazy as much as can be.
It is good to be serious and dedicated, but maybe not all the time.

#31

+2300 untracked
Finished playing this week. Quite an unfortunate day today, nothing seemed to work and people owned me. In the morning I felt a bit careless, and wanted to win too much and made a few splashy plays (try hard). That didn’t work, however it made me a bit annoyed and angry. To be honest I didn’t have a great mood today at the start, not a happy mood for sure. Rather let's just get done with this day. Besides being a bit toxic. Mostly because of struggle and unhappiness…
(All of this is okay)

Yesterday night and for many nights I couldn't fall asleep easily. My mind is overthinking and I spent hours in bed. Even I have to introduce some routine to go to the toilet in order to clear my mind from thinking. Damn this is hard!
(This is also fine)

Don’t like to finish a week/month on a bad step. But yeah, nothing can be done there. It is as it is. Probably could’ve played better but who cares.
But I wish to have more fun and enjoyment. That would certainly help me. That I want!
(This is fine)

So far the month is going decently and luckily. However I don’t feel lucky but that's just an inner feeling. Sometimes my ego increases and my desire to win. Sometimes I start to think too much about myself (also my knowledge of the game and other players) and associate my value with my results. Or find happiness from it. Which by the way never lasted long. Actually I won’t be suprised if I make best month when I am depressed or feel very unhappy. Maybe last week I had a dream. In my dream I won the 100k usd from a tournament sunrunning everyone in the final table very badly.
(That’s alright)

Many interesting thoughts. Many interesting observations.
Today - I felt like I didn't care about playing. I Feel like I can’t afford to lose because I will be absolutely devastated. The only way I can be happy at this moment is if my results are good. After losing I felt angry and annoyed. After finishing playing - fire inside, energy and motivation to study. After some plays - I felt it didn't matter. Before some plays I felt super anxious.
During the day I am asking myself ‘‘What do I feel now?’’ - and that's the most valuable question I learned. Just noticing feelings and accepting, without a fight. Many of those feelings are super logical and make sense. Yeah, I am feeling XYZ because of ABC. Now why does ABC make me feel like that?
(All of those thoughts, emotions, feelings are okay)

We are all humans with strong sides and weak sides. Actually I think it is impossible to not have weak sides. Some of those might feel really frustrating. Some of the good sides might be never noticed or taken into account.

Allright, enough thinking. Will have 2 days off and back on Monday. Will play and let’s see how it goes. Some things might work and some not. Anyway, I'm gonna have fun! Gonna enjoy it and be happy that I can play a beautiful game. Being playing for so long and still loving it, Wow.

Hands:

Why do other hands get lost? I can’t find it in h2n. I didn’t mark it but I know the action and room. Super weird. Anyway they were out of line and spew :D

#30
Decided to write some thoughts today. This week I played 2,5 days and my ran is good and lucky. Nl1000 and nl500 going great for a couple of days straight. Even though I didn’t play so much.
At this point many things which I’ve done at the table worked and the game seems rather easy. Especially because I’ve been lucky enough that not many tough spots ariseed and many of those I avoided (by variance).
Confidence is improved and overall feeling. Motivation and inspiration are pretty much the same. Happiness also.
Well I don’t want to conclude anything or stress too much about it. When you are lucky your aggression will be higher and it is gonna work so the red line gonna be up as green also. When you are lucky your bluffs don’t get called or re pushed which is also good.
When you are lucky you feel stronger.
I played normal as usual, nothing spectacular or to be proud of. Not even much more focused than before. Just played my game and clicked buttons. Not perfect, not ideal, with stress and overthinking.

You know. I am so done with those negative thoughts and constant unhappiness. For how long I have been like that?
5, 10, 20 years…
Damn this is not even funny. When most of my days become miserable because of my thoughts. Only chance for happiness is outside (external). Mood swings and many more.
It is not about poker. Not poker related. Actually, playing poker is the bright side of my day.
Just I feel so bad very often and this is absolutely tough, difficult. Hurts and pain. Reason why I feel like that? Low self confidence and self love, easy to feel not appreciated and valued enough, scared of many things which can happen. Situations can be pretty much any important thing for me - family and so on…
For example this month: 21 days already. How many times did I feel really happy? maybe 2-6. How many was on average? 2-6. How many are terrible? More than half.
Been reading some books, been journaling as well, been trying to be present, trying to focus on the moment, noticing my thoughts and letting them go. Results - not much to be excited about.
Quite sad about it. You live your life, everything seems rather good but everyday you manage to feel like hell. Because of things occuring to you, because of the way you think about everything. You are what you are thinking about yourself and around...

This week is done (+500 untracked)

Today I got hot run at nl1000 winning 1,5 BI. But overall last couple of days were super difficult and stressing. Many times after finishing the session, I really couldn't think anything and was emotionally crushed. So Tough!
Running above EV but at the same time I don't feel lucky. Yes, sometimes you can notice it easily but I didn't notice any hot run (except nl1000 of course), or things go really well for me. Besides I have untracked room where I lost since last week but still up . And in there also things were rough and played bunch of hands there (in my POV, maybe 500-700 hands including some nl1000).

#29
Today I continued where I left off yesterday. Emotional, anxious, trying too hard and with idealisation. First hour wasn’t pleasant, and also the 4th and fifth. Feel like I care too much, I am too sensitive and too attached.

Try hard strategy and follow GTO or optimal play. Ruminating and overthinking, even slightly obsessed. Of course that adds extra stress which isn't a bad thing. I love playing when I'm stressed and when I don't feel optimal. Because if easy isn't interesting. Actually I didn’t lose sense of the game and flow. However I remind myself of strategy and approach way too often. Abundance!

Years ago I was ruminating a lot and my experience tells me to not do it anymore. Have positives and negatives, but one of the biggest reasons is that it is reducing enjoyment and fun. Even though probably some benefit is concentration and focus.

Also high expectations, EGO, happiness from results, urge to win and perfectionism. Standard stuff which comes along the way.

In the afternoon I just put it out. Studied 1 hour and finished. Didn’t even study too hard just go over some hands and play vs trainer. Have the rest of the day off. Slow and as it goes. Will be lazy and allow myself to relax without worries.

#28
Happy Wednesday and almost half of the month, time flew so fast ohhh. Summer is coming to an end! It had ups and downs and whether it was good or not, doesn’t really matter. We have opportunities and can see nature each day, it is awesome!

Want to write some thoughts and ideas like I did before (more oftenly when I started this blog).

Negative: (Not complaining too much but want to went out and put steam off)
Noticed during the day I was spending a lot of mental energy and also physical. Not only because of overthinking and stress but also for monitoring tables and looking for the games. How much do you think I spend on actually making decisions? Maybe around 30-40%. Another 30-40% for table selection and rest for outside of poker thoughts.
Some amount of time I’m just sitting and looking at lobbies. It is slightly boring and even though I don’t do anything, I still have lost energy.
Even when finding a table it can be bad (not worth playing) or can finish in 5 minutes and the same process again. Sometimes I have 3 tables and sometimes 0. Just great!
Yes, I can play regwars, right? Someone can mention - don't be a nit, don’t be too afraid. For me no- I don’t want to battle regs in a high rake environment with a good possibility of those players being bots or using help. I would prefer to shoot much higher than to try regwar.

It is quite ridiculous but I put a low deposit limit on winamax and now stuck to nl200/nl400. It is making me tilt to play nl200, also tilting to play nl400 and lose everything. I tend to play hyper-agressive and so far it doesn't work out well. So I am quite stressed about it.
Need to wait until next month to deposit more and in 3 months I can make it as high as I want. Stupid rules!
Hope gonna be lucky and can come back to nl600-nl1000 there.

Neutral:
Been playing a bit and kindly observing and learning. Having some interesting moments and thoughts about the game. It Feels like a pretty good idea to make games splashy, vs regs it is good and vs weak players it is just superb. Because they don’t really understand it well and far easier to get tilted, out of their comfort zone. When the game is loose, the person with the best emotional control, patience and experience is gonna perform better. Which is not me, if the game is too loose I am faster to get emotional :(

While playing I notice sometimes I am going emotional and in that time I think differently and generally feel another way about pretty much anything. Might not notice something obvious and …
Swings and variance generally help to get more emotional and feel more.
Also chatting with other players, ‘‘want of revenge’’, talking about other players, ‘‘want of win’’ or ‘‘urge to win’’, making too many outside of the box plays, and others.

Positive:
Today, I played a little bit on nl1000, for the first time this month. Simple, lovely.
Yesterday, I watched a video about Baron, super motivating and inspiring. After that I want to focus on poker more and generally feel more involved and enjoy playing. Which is great!
However while I enjoy more I also get more attached and also care more which increase my fears, my stress and anxious feeling. That’s fair trade to be honest, because pretty much for 2 weeks I played like in a fog. I played because of the schedule, not because it is interesting and important. Played because if I don’t it is bad. But time while I was at the tables was slow and even boring at the moments.
Another thing which helped me was reading a quote which basically meant - live today. Stop worrying about the past or the future, just make a compartment of today. And live it absolutely fully.
Actually I read much more than that and it sounded better but the basic meaning is like that. Just click with me at that moment.

<3

#27 Motivation and burnout

+1300 from untracked

Hello everyone!!
I wrote a post on Thursday afternoon and decided to stay on it for a while. After some time I realised it is too negative and moody so I decided to change it fully. Here is that post (edited version):

This week I had the desire to write something and post my hands. I had a few interesting and funny ones, but felt slightly lazy and busy, besides wanting to write something as well. At the end of my post I am gonna provide a few - hope you find it enjoyable.

This week was rather lucky and many things worked, which brought me a feeling of satisfaction and a little bit of happiness. However it did increase my EGO and expectations from poker in general, which is not superb, but I noticed it and understood my feelings. Been playing and studying a fair amount, even though not so many hands played overall due lack of action. I got a little tired. Some days after studying for a short time (1 hour) I felt burnout and not interested/focused. Really tough to think and look anything, in the brain like ‘’ahhhh it is not so relevant, can't think more’’
Probably it is the first sign of burning a lot of energy and coming to a tiring state. Actually I believe it is from the quality of rest/sleep rather than the amount of playing/study hours. Interesting observation.
So this weekend I am not gonna play nor study, Saturday and Sunday will be off in that matter. Excited to have days off!

I noticed when I have too much freedom and time to study it is harder to focus and maintain joy. Rathen when I don’t have enough time I feel better. But either way there is not a big difference. Not planning to push too much or try hard.

In poker nowadays my approach is just enjoyment and fun. Also to not care too much about it! My motivation is on a medium level. I feel so much interest in poker and studying. That’s alright though, nothing to tell or conclude. In my past experience I had periods like that often. Playing is far more interesting than studying.
Motivation and inspiration are impactful and I read some stuff about them. I should certainly go over my notes and read goals to increase involvement.

There is one more thing which I want to tell. It is a big reason to get my motivation boosted. I want to play higher! It is so exciting when some of my dreams are that wonderful. I don’t think that I play any well, to shoot higher limits, but at least having a chance is a great opportunity. Can't judge anything quickly.
Was just thinking if someone offers me a game in apps and I get a good deal why not! Above nl1000 and of course I had to be fully stacked otherwise just gonna get scammed 👍
If anyone have any offer PM me

HH&

Anyway I wrote too much already,
That's alright
Goodluck and stay healthy <3

#26
Quick weekly update:

Played 4 days this week (+25% more hands untracked) and will rest sunday. So far things aren't going my way or I have any pleasant feelings, excitement .

There are 3 important things to consider:
1- Most important - Variance. Nothing to add here. Even if you try hard and play really well, in the short term you can’t know anything and even feel that you are playing good poker.
Especially when you are somewhat aggressive and things can go sideways, your thinking also can be wrong in many situations. You try to pick good situations and it doesn’t work this time

2- Tough games. Less rooms and worse timezone to play. Don’t have good action and other players are decent. Aggressive and put you in difficult situations. Many unpleasant and stressful decisions. More energy spending and more emotions accumulated

3- Mental part. Not in my best mindset or feeling like I am doing really well. But that's acceptable. I will not be that guy who is telling. ‘’Oh this period of time I played really badly and wasn’t focused or concentrated enough. Next week I will do my best - think more and play better.’’

Just I find it funny a bit. When someone posted a graph with bad results and after telling - I wasn't playing great, didn’t study enough and was autopiloting and so on …
Usually you do as you do. I think people rarely massively underperform during their sessions, but they certainly feel like they are. And trying to find excuses like - I wasn’t focused enough, was lazy, didn’t think as much as I should.

For my 4 days I feel like I did very well (my redline went down also). Can’t say anything bad or regret. Very likely I couldn't do better but for sure it is possible to do much worse.

Good luck! No idea what will happen next week but it is good to not know <3

Good volume and a lot of effort into the studies.
Motivating and I found something interesting which certainly can think of.

How do you find energy to study and play so much?

Today I want to make a philosophy post. It is not gonna be about poker at all, it is not addressed to anybody or will be any useful. Just some thoughts which I have.

Living in the shell
At some point in life we might find ourselves reluctant to change anything. Having a good job, our routine, our habits and everything else. We might be fully in our comfort zone and happily passing throughout our life. We don’t want anything from outside and don’t really need it. Almost all time we spend inside, having patterns of thinking and usual behaviour. Anything from outside might be marked as bad and strongly avoided. Even if we need to do something unpleasant we try to not do it.
Whenever our shell is in danger, that's the toughest moments of our life which can bring negative energy, anger or resentment. We can’t be without it, if we lose it we lose ourself - identity, recognition, happiness ….
At least we think so.

Toxic
Everyone has friends, maybe some family members or yourself who are almost always negative, want to argue and bring sad emotions to other people.
Arguing about absolutely every occasion. Small or big.
Never satisfied with anything. This is so lame, so boring, why did you do this…
Likes drama and negative emotions.
Overvalue himself and undervalue others

Question, is that person happy? Is he/she happy with life?
Happy with how days are going, happy with social life and relationships?
Happy to make others feel less?

Constantly sad
Blue and depressing. Melancholic and never smile type. There were 2 persons in one place - one saw heaven and another hell. Perception of how you look at things and value yourself and your life is interesting. Can have absolutely everything you can wish for (material things) but still be sad. Can have nothing but at the same time feel happy. That doesn't sound right.
Comparison, envy, expectations, self-worth and confidence. Do you feel you are worth more if you have an expensive car? Do you feel more confident in yourself if your salary is among the highest in the city? What about relationships? Beautiful girlfriend increases your confidence and makes you value yourself more?
If you are constantly sad - what will make you happy? What can bring a smile to your face, what can make you feel ‘’Wow, that's great I am so happy’’. Hope that thing is real….

Religion
Looks good at most, hard to find downsides. Better to believe in something, right? Maybe not. Maybe yes. Faith is a good thing. At most.

Being happy or being present?
Same thing

Thinking is good?
I am gonna think about it

Future or past?
Can’t change the past, neither can predict future

Being a good human being?
If you can live with it. If it brings the feeling of being yourself, being with the universe.

Thank you for taking time and writing here. Appreciate effort and kind words with some good ideas. Good luck to you too 🙂 Yes you can beat nl5-nl10, just don't put too much on your shoulders or have too high expectations. Enjoy playing :)

When you say that everyone is different I can’t agree more with you. It is the absolute truth and everyday I feel more certain in it. Can observe it in poker or any other area. Something stupid might work for one person and not work for 9 others. Everyone has different views and different characters, different vision and mindset. Though, it is impossible to be perfect. Actually being perfect means you have areas in which you are really bad.
(Feel like I wrote random things and put them together, fine!)

It is certainly a good idea to have short term goals and beneficial as well for most. Even now I have few of them in my notepad. Goals for this month and goals for a few months. However I really avoid - volume goals and monetary, also goals like getting better. Volume - because it is not a super clear goal and playing a lot doesn’t mean any good for me. Monetary - too much stress and being result oriented, additionally can’t control. Quality - also hard to measure and also stressful. Even now for sure I am gonna have periods when my game is worse than before, but it doesn’t mean I took a step back or didn’t improve.
Goals bring some happiness (after achieving them) but not a lot, also not a lot of motivation because goals are not necessarily exciting. For me I would like to play nl5000, put some volume there and see how it goes. No need to make a profit there, just play for fun. Would be pure luck anyway.

Today I studied for 5 hours (could’ve 6-7 hours but that’s too much), tomorrow I'm back to action. This week I want to play 4 days, Saturday included and Sunday off. Starting really slow and with maybe one table. Good luck to everyone, I want you guys to sometimes not take things too seriously. Famous stefan mentioned months ago - you have more chance of success when you don't treat poker as a job. (Side note on a negative side if you don’t treat maybe you will stop playing…)

#25
Hi!
Today is the first day I am starting to read about poker and getting my mind back to the game. Had around 9 days of vacation. Even though at that time some poker thoughts came to my mind, some friends texted me about poker and I talked with support of one poker website. Can’t fully avoid it no matter what you do (generally speaking). Spent time with family and enjoyed awesome weather. Already have ‘’golden memories’’ from that time and it seems like everything was lovely.

How do I feel now?
Well I feel melancholic and sad. From another side I feel fresh and rested. Not really interested or motivated to play. Which is totally reasonable. I don't remember strong inspiration to play while being sad/depressed. Reasons for being sad - anxious and negative about the future, scared to be to happy because it can easily go away (when you feel sad I think you are easier to deal with negative things and upset events in life - but I am not sure it is even true), it is quite usual state of me and like a habit, missing some things from recent months. August and the start of Autumn quite often in the past also weren't the happiest. Even in school/university it means the end of the summer break and back to business and school I hated a lot. Even 20 years later I often dream about school years at night :/ School also brought a lot of things to my character both negative and positive.

Think I will start playing from the 31st and put that day in August, so as not to make a 1 day report or change previous. Today I went over some hands posted in the blogs of other people. I feel rusty and like I don't really know what's going on, the sense of the game is missing also. Actually I’ve read blogs today for 1 hour to increase my motivation and get inspired, certainly it helps a bit. Yes, while reading I also got some garbage information and envy from comparison. So have both sides of the spectre.

What is my goals for August:
Just play as I can. Gonna be tough and stressful but yeah, that's the thing. If it is too easy - not interesting, and challenges not necessarily only negative. Kinda not sure about happiness I don’t really know where I can find it. Certainly I need it for motivation and energy.
Let's just play and see how it goes, could be great, could be bad as well. Click some buttons and do some stuff. It is fun!

Key thoughts July:
- Being too happy or too sad, observing things without quick judgement
- Sad - less ego and easier to take losing, lower expectations. Reduced motivation, interest. Especially towards studies
- Embracing playing with stress, anxiety and fear
- Sense and flow of the game

Goals:

1. Check results 1 day of each week
2. Playing not optimally. Happily accepting and if it was easy - wasn't interesting. Let’s see where I land
3. Study spots for aggressive approach away from tables
4. Learning while playing

If win 2BI+ after first week
after second week
after third week
Moving up means adding more regwars and games with an uncomfortable lineup. Also rooms where I stayed away from big games

If lose 5BI, gonna table select heavier

P.s. I am just average player

Short report:

Played last day before vacation. I have a flight back home tomorrow and after that at least 10 days without poker. This month was a heater month. I felt it clearly and a good distribution of cards followed me at the end. Was winning at every room I'm playing except one, but like 80% volume coming to 2 poker websites so that’s pure variance. Just luck.

Don’t want to be too happy about anything or too sad. Just normal and observe things without judgement. Especially when we don’t know what the future will unfold. Emotional roller coasters aren't so pleasant.
Yet, not planning to be a robot as well. Nor do I think it is possible for me…

Maybe I will play or study during the last days of this month. Not entirely sure yet, goals and everything also will be written after vacation. Also want to reread some of the notes, pages, when I come back.

Don’t remember when I said that I am sad, this month or last. Anyway it has negative sides for sure and positive too. Feel when I am upset my ego decreases and I am taking losses easier. But harder to play and motivate myself to study anything. For some reason when things go really good - I expect them to go bad in the future. When things go really bad - I expect them to go good in the future. Probably it also has something to do with overthinking, over worrying and something from the past.

Decided to keep playing in the same rooms and not jump into GGpoker or Pokerbros. I want to start playing GG, but basically everyone has not good results at nl500-1000. Even the strongest reg like ishter barely winning before rb, talented reg like stefan losing and … No need for more commentary and if you are winning around 0bb, variance is gonna be extreme. Playing little bit of 5k make sense, but only for bumhunt and that's quite close to get warning. Pokerbros is different dynamic and everything, need to readjust and get used to software.

Anyway, thank you everyone who read and special thanks who gave a like. Today and this month I am feeling really motivated and poker brings me some happiness and enjoyment. Yeah for sure because I ran well and that happiness coming from results, which I am not a big fan of. Yet, accepting.

Good luck and stay healthy. See you soon!

#24
First 4 hours of today I experienced positive variance and heater. That made me think I am playing well and with a good aggressive style. Actually I don’t know if it is the truth. When you get good cards it is obvious you are gonna bet and so on. And other players will fold/call. Last hour I played mostly in another room which had action at that time and got smashed there. It is just a feeling I think. I like how I played there and don't think that I should've done things absolutely differently.

This room (in my opinion, which I doubt now) is weaker than any other, for example stars. Rake is around Chico level. Have weak players sometimes. Over the past years I had good results there and the game seems decent. I’ve seen some plays which I am not sure about and some not so good ones. However this year I feel a bit stuck there, it might be variance or how I play.
When I observe players' reactions and their decisions, I don’t see anything which stands out from other rooms. But in my head it is like I’m bluffing there and getting called. My aggression doesn’t work and people are smart in a sense to outplay me. Bit tilting of course, when they counter you very well and you are frustrated with it.

If they know my style very well and which strategy I use, of course it would be pretty tough to play there. But on the other hand I can certainly readjust and in that sense things will go better. Maybe it's just variance and I’m overthinking, especially since I don't have a huge volume there this year and it is like 4th-5th room by volume.
Not gonna change anything but will observe those games and will take note of what's going on. And what I am thinking while playing, my expectations and desires. For sure I can overstimate myself and underestimate others or visa versa!

Plan is to play 2 more days this month and take a rest. Without thinking about poker or opening any news. Not gonna be easy or will it be too easy?

I don't know this. That player (rec) was not even aggressive, I found out later during the game. Not even stationery and seems rather accurate. That hand was first my hand vs him and pretty much at the table

#23
Finished playing this week. Feels like I picked up the sense of the game and overall was quite interesting, enjoyable and happy to play (not happy to study, and not happy outside of poker at most). Didn’t check the results more and my run was somewhat ~0. Made some questionable plays and some debatable ones.
To be honest for many days I don’t feel happy with life but it doesn’t seem to affect my game a lot. Feel maybe slightly more calm and less ego. However, on the other hand, less motivated and harder to study. Also sometimes before starting playing I feel so doomed and have no desire to do anything. Discipline working in my favour.

Actually I feel quite happy to play not in an optimal state. Whether it is because of fear, anxious feeling, overthinking, worrying or any other. I am happily taking it! Just noticing my feelings and accepting.
No need to fight or get rid. Whatever, I have fear and let's play with it. Understand that there are going to be mistakes, logical flaws and other things. Want to see where I will land like that.

Studies:
Think studies are important. Just a little bit for each day - consistensy. It brings confidence and sense of the strategy and the game. Don’t remember maybe last week or longer ago I said that I completely don’t know what to do at the tables. How to play and what's the strategy. Should I be accurate, aggressive, overbluff and so on. What's the flow?
This week I also didn’t know at first but after studying a bit, reading some psychology notes I found myself in the right spot. I didn’t learn anything big or get a super boost (‘aha moment’). Was just looking at some hands, studying with solvers and reading my notepad.
So sticking to a game plan, which adds a tiny bit of confidence and makes it easier to not spend a lot of energy trying to figure out what to do. Energy is important, I read today: if you play 4 hours each day, the last 2 hours define your skill set. First 2 you have more energy, you feel fresh and more sharp. Last 2 are gonna be more challenging.

Some personal stuff:
Before I start writing I want to share more but while typing I already feel tired and it takes a bit too long as well.
To be short - don’t feel so happy. No matter how things are going now, there are always reasons to think negatively and be unhappy. You got great poker results - well nothing is stable and variance is massive. You got a lot of money - well can be scared of losing it, or think negatively about other areas for example health. That’s totally me!
These days I find myself so often in situations where I am thinking about the future in a catastrophic way. Like this thing will happen, or this…
Thoughts pop up all the time - while playing, in a break or during any other daily activity. Brain likes to think and that's okay.
If I think logically, let's imagine some cases will happen, let's also calculate their chance. After doing both we can see what is happening. For example we have a 20% chance of something negative in the future. It is a relatively big number, but even more important that it can ruin our mood and stress us in 80% days for now.
What to do? Don’t know. If I knew what is working I would not struggle. Maybe it is a habit of thinking, maybe it is a detrimental problem, maybe ….
I find that many things which I think will bring happiness do not bring it for long enough. Something can make you feel good today. Something can make you feel good tomorrow.

Let's end this post - be happy

#22

Dealing with losing:
Today was a super tilting day. It felt like everything was going in a way to make me ‘’lose my head’’ in rage and anger. Set-ups, close spots, bad beats and facing aggression in so many situations.
When I was taking a break after the 1st session, for sure my feelings and emotions reminded me of ‘’boiled kettle’’. Quite angry and annoyed and steam going out from my body.
Allright, losing is hard for sure and everything has some meaning behind it. It is unpleasant, uncomfortable and brings a lot of emotions to me.
Understandable. In the end the more you love something, the more it affects you in every way.

So far this month is weird. It seems like I am so lucky but my EV is below 0. Because I won flips and ran over other players a bit. My results however are nothing and not supposed to be considered lucky. Well it is lucky in this scenario, but overall whatever. However, winning is good and when did I become upset with winning? :/ Did I shift to a great player again? oO

If I think logically that can’t tell anything too low sample and variance. But days like today are super hard. Checked results again and it started to become a habit for me. Think I would like to check once every week on a scheduled day. Otherwise it also has some impact on me. Both negative and positive

Challenge - looking for results next time on the last playing day of
this Month. So before I go back home.

Besides, I decided that I will play in the same rooms and not gonna change to GG or apps. Asked one good player about GG, he told ‘’ for sure don’t try’’. At least I don't think anymore about it and can accept it while moving on.

Haha by the way, yesterday I played 300 hand and ran like absolute beast, today exactly opposite. Those swings are painful! Even I really noticed how sunnrunned it was there but negative varience is harder to spot. Could be my mistakes and bad plays??

#21

Poker:
This week had few important things to do and at the start felt under the weather so less volume than usual and less study time. Also I am not sure how to feel: I won quite a bit of 50|50 flips but on the other hand I got some ugly situations and set ups. Is it considered lucky?
Of course mistakes here and there and very optimistic and random plays.

At the end of the week my EGO increased and I felt very good about myself and the level of my game. Certainly I am keeping aware of that. When I feel too high up, I tend to get more entitled tilt and hate losing tilt. Also less happy and enjoyment in general.

Additionally at the end of the week. Felt again like losing game flow and wasn’t sure what to do. I had a feeling that I am playing tight and missing out on good bluffs, and other times had a feeling that I am punting a bit and too aggressive. Which results in trying to put less heat.
Honestly it probably has to do with variance as well. There are moments when you smash everything with aggression because of card distribution and also moments when you get the feeling that you are a huge nit.

There is nothing wrong with any of these. Today is Saturday and I’m studying. Not too much and not like a crazy dedicated worker.

Life:
This week my life changed a lot. Well at least on paper (literally), in reality pretty much the same. Not sure what to take from it? Suppose to be more stressed and more overthinking about the future, anxious and result oriented. On the other hand - challenges are good and trying to avoid them isn’t nice or beneficial.
For sure I feel more happy now than last month.

Thoughts and plans:
Overthinking a lot about which rooms I should be playing from home. It is sometimes so tiring and takes so much energy. Want to make a good decision but it seems impossible and no matter where I will play there are big changes that are not gonna be satisfying or happy.
I don’t want to play lower than nl400 and that's my approach. Better to play one nl400 table for me than 3 nl200. It is just my way. For sure different people have other attitudes and I totally understand their preference.

I am asking myself what I want at that time? Do you want to win a lot? Do I want to have fun? Want material results? Want happiness?

Even If I say I don’t want to win, inside I would be disappointed and sad with losing. It is just being very attached to the game and having a big love. Something which gives me energy and motivation. However, I would aim to play for fun.

Options are: 1)GG poker (Variete of games and good opportunity since nl5k runs only there pretty much). Downside is their policy towards regs and very high chance of losing.
2)Chico-Ipoker-Wpn-something else (Convenience and less stressful, also enjoyable). There are not many games there, at times I am playing. If I can add one more room with at least one table 500+ in my time. That would be awesome
3)Apps (too stressful and still I don’t see much worth trying it for short time, some other time)

Some hands:

-700$ with other rooms and missed hands from data

Last day of this month was super swingy and tilting, because of close spots and uncertain decisions. Seems like today they got it quite often.
Time to rest and enjoy 2 days off. Good luck to everyone. Stay happy please

Addition: More goals and to make it fun
-Still playing only few tables, however taking opportunites in higher limits in other rooms (based on feelings)
-Stop-losses and moving up
-Moving up means adding more regwars and games with uncomfortable lineup

June
Gonna write a month wrap up today but will play one more day tomorrow. Just because I feel like writing now and also might be better like this.
Well, June, I don’t really know how I ran this month up to this point. If you ask me? Was I lucky? Not sure. Was I unlucky? No idea
However, one thing I noticed. Felt not so happy and overall less fun and enjoyable (compare to other months in this year). Unsatisfaction comes from some parts, like trying to hold redline or play aggressive, also from life and worries about future. It's a bit stressful and too much to take sometimes. Racing for winning… Every lose is hurts
Wanted a lot and had big desires. When you are not getting it - you feel bitter and down. Probably it also has to do with following the biggest cash games on GG and success (short term) of some people you aren’t expecting to be. Comparing yourself with peers and having the urge to get it also.

Key thoughts:
1)Happiness. Where am I looking for it? Happiness in winning, happiness in crushing other players, happiness in performance, happiness in being myself
2)Racing for redline. Once it is ideal, will it bring long awaited calmness and peace?
3)What do I want? What will change if I get it? What will happen if I don’t?
4)Vulnerability in poker
5)I'm just an average poker player with my strength and weakness

Goals for next month: 1)Pleasure and joy 2)Be that as it may! 3)Remind
myself about variance 4)Learn while playing

Have few other things also. Will study GTOwizard a bit and go over some situations, analyse and maybe find something interesting. Play vs trainer a bit. And psychology, self journaling, writing my thoughts and observing/noticing my feelings (emotions).

Actually I am going back home next month so I'm likely gonna have 1-2 weeks of vacation. Besides, I am strongly considering trying something new: gg or apps. My setup won’t be available so I need to play somewhere else

#20
Having ups and downs. In poker and in real life. Feel happy one moment and the next moment overthinking and unhappy. Very unstable and swingy and can really feel it.
How to deal with it?
Good question, I don’t really know aside of accepting and acknowledge

This week of poker was rather nice. Played 6 days and even some days I felt tired and still managed to put in a desirable amount of hours. Besides having a family member's birthday and anniversary, both of those occasions brought a lot of stress (preparation). My sleeping schedule declined a bit. And for at least 2 days I felt tired since the start and slow during the rest of the day.

About poker - had a feeling I was overly aggro and spewing a bit. But it might be just feeling or just variance. Anyway, I can't get any conclusion from it. Redline started to go up and green also. However I notice that winning/losing stacks a bunch. Made a few crazy bluffs and some of them I regretted, but yeah, played as I played. Could certainly regret giving up also, just moving on!

##############################################

Yesterday I checked the results during the session. Everyone does it, I know. When I lost like a bunch in a short time I started to have strong feelings and needed to see it. Maybe to reassure myself, to get confidence or something else.
Couldn’t fight it so checked
It always comes up when you lose, when you win no desire at all.
Why?
-To get certainty
...to be sure where I am standing
...to assure myself I am winning/not losing a lot
...to see how badly I am doing now/how much I lost
-To get rid of that itchy unpleasant feeling
-To get calm
...to get inspired/motivated and change the gear

Will study a bit more today and rest evening and tomorrow. Good luck to everybody and be mindfull <3

#19
So far this month is going mediocre. Breakeven results and feel unhappy and unsatisfied. Today I spent hours thinking and answering some questions.
Feel negative and toxic, even after a few full days off I don’t feel fresh and fastly moving into an annoying mood. After 2 hours of playing, I already feel boiled and not wanting to close tables, just keep playing until those emotions go away. Don’t want to click exit and feel shitty

My first observation was - what do I feel? And emotions/feelings were quite normal, feel angry of losing, annoying with mistakes and tilted about other players. Pretty regular for poker player during tough day

Secondly - I asked myself why? Feel angry because of losing, understandable. But let's go deeper. Losing brings me anger because of high expectations? Or because of perfectionism? Or because of ego? Or maybe I try too hard? Or rush? Or ….

Was quite interesting to be honest to look inside myself. Find it fascinating, so many things going on and so many ideas.

Thirdly - I just wandered around. Doing exercise, shaving and taking a shower. And I start to think, what do I want? What do I want now? What do I want and it will make me happy and grateful?

What I need to become ‘‘best version of myself’’. Maybe winning a lot of money? Sounds right! Yeah that would make me smooth like a silk
Skyrocket redline? Also, great. I would be so confident in myself and it is of course nice and warm feelings.

And after all that I am pondering. Maybe it is not my expectations, not my perfectionism, it is just a life situation. Maybe I have an urge to win, maybe I need to win to be happy and I need to prove that I am worthy. My other areas recline a bit so I want poker to go up. To not lose myself. To get happiness and a good feeling.
Anyway I am not sure if it is correct. Can be wrong as well. Just sometimes it's good to zoom out and see the bigger picture.
For me personally being result oriented seems too hard and too much unhappiness. And when I need to win, I just don’t enjoy anything much. Kinda tough but everyone is different. At least I am getting more excited about poker and more inspired.
Which is also surprising to me.

To be honest I don’t like to write serious stuff at all. My approach is easy and somewhat careless. So I'm gonna click some buttons tomorrow, kinda find it enjoyable to do something weird.
Maybe I need to play some nl2000 to get more sense of what's going on and go rogue there. (Will jump if see good game)

#18

This hand feels a bit greedy and overly-agressive. Actually I don't think it is played bad just have some negative feelings after result I got.
Thinking again now, certainly might be good. Probably I would never jam river though :/ or jam
When he XR like that, feels like I can find a valuebet when he calls. Besides he might be scared of 4straights on the river and play value straight-forward

SB is a recreational player and not agressive one, especially preflop with like 33|10| 3% 3bet.

My plan was to bet small flop to get check down till river and lose less w KK/QQ and get some value against QJ|JT and TT. Turn I improved and decided to get one more street vs some KQ, AT, AQ and so. Probably my size is too big but I don't see XR there and it was unexpected.
On the other hand 50% and 75% bet have almost no difference vs range he calls.

Anyway, bitter hand.

#17 Tilting day
So tilting run today. Felt really angry and annoyed. Wanted to check the results and checked it.
When things are going quite badly I have a big desire to see how much I lost and where I am standing. To bring some certainty and confidence. At least I want to have it but in reality usually 2 things might occur. Either if I am doing better than I am expecting I would feel happy, and if I am doing worse I would be more anxious and stressed. Besides, sometimes I might overthink a lot after :/

Easy to see everything bright when you are lucky and feel fair about card distribution. Easy to be very frustrating and negative when you feel unlucky and poker is unfair towards you (in your opinion).

Even before starting to play in the morning, I didn’t really want to play. Wasn't so confident and not sure what to do and how to maintain strategy. Maybe even lost in a sense a bit.
That feeling is normal though, sometimes happens. Especially after a day off and when you aren’t really happy with how everything is going.
Also some poker days are really tilting. It is a special run of cards which makes me especially angry. It is not when you make 2nd nuts and lose or AAvsKK situation. It is when many different spots happening where you get a bunch of close decisions and unsure situations, where you debate between options and based on results feel like choosing wrong ones everywhere. Where your exploits are not correct and assumptions aren’t right.
Tough to deal, especially when you start your day with more annoyance and anger than normal. Already close to start tilting. Well and expectations as always (can do good and bad) -_-

p.s. my h2n results now absolutely not correct so no point in checking more. One room already have 1k difference in h2n and cashier.

#16
This week. Last couple of days I wasn’t lucky at normal rooms but before the end I won a few BI on an untracked website. Which doesn’t show here. So far everything is going decently I guess, can’t complain at all.

Time to time I am thinking about goals and challenges, where I want to go and how I can improve. What's my idea about the future, which direction I am heading? To high stakes? To play more? To play better? To ….?

Starting with playing more:
Well I am not entirely sure about that. It is not simple and I can't tell if playing more will bring success or if it gonna make me happier. For sure spending more hours in a week for poker seems not a healthy approach.) Besides, I don't want it. So there is only one thing - to play more tables - which could result in worse. Playing more to reduce focus and playing more by adding bad tables. Have benefits and have negative sides!

Playing better:
It seems like a myth to me. Firstly you can play better each month and each year, but other players also will play better. So in the end you maintain roughly the same place. And secondly it is pretty damn hard to measure. What does even playing better mean? Winning more bb/100? Or getting more enjoyment and fun?
Don’t like this goal as well.

Playing higher:
This one is a more interesting one, however it has a big downside. It is not the stress of the pressure or technical issues. Nowadays good big games are not easy to find and options are limited. If you want to play nl5000 for example you only have a couple of rooms available and need to adjust the schedule. Can't wake up in the morning, open lobby and jump into action.
Maybe you are ready for it - technically and psychology but still you aren’t able to play it because of other factors. Can’t get a seat for example or you find those games but they are rigged (applications hello).
Still I want to play higher and try nl5000. Wanna experience it and don’t care if it ends badly. Actually it brings me excitement and a nice feeling. Of course I feel scared and feel outsmarted by other people. But it is fun!
Besides you never know, right?

#15
Performance
Just made a few paint pictures which show - how I feel about my performance during the day. First is a good day, when mostly everything is going well with a few mistakes here and there. Second is bad day, not the worst but a tough run for sure. And the last picture is just my real performance, without affection for emotions and my judgement.
Obviously everything is just random, but I would like to post it here. Because next time I will have a bad day, it doesn’t 100% mean that I really played badly. Maybe actually everything was great from my side and just unlucky or a cold run. Sometimes I feel really down because of mistakes, misplays and wrong assumptions. At least can look this picture and think, not everything have simple and an easy explanation

Biggest winning pot
Today I won a stack of nl2000. Probably it is the biggest pot I won in my life. That’s an achievement!
Didn’t feel much after it, actually it was like almost the last hand of my day so after I quit tables and went outside. Wasn’t lucky at nl1000 though today I got some coolers and an unpleasant situation. Maybe that's the reason why I didn’t feel anything. Like chasing loses

About highstakes/my goals
Uhhh can write a lot about it. Because next month I am going back home for summer and for a few months, I am not gonna be able to play EURO rooms anymore. In that sense my options are limited towards some american sites/ gg poker and also applications.
Quite a rough opportunity. Really considering gg nowadays, just because I want to try it again. I know it is stressful and rake is high, but the experience is decent. Also I don’t know what results are gonna be there. Maybe everything will be good. For sure I am not going to play for the leaderboards or rake. Because I don’t have extra rb deals and can’t get them!!! Sucks a lot. Gonna softly bumhunt ( on the edge to get warning).
It is just an option, not exactly sure but one up there.
I heard chico increased rake again :/
Maybe like every 2-3 months I starting to stress about pokerrooms and which ones to play. Where is higher EV? Whats ideal and so on?
Takes a lot of energy and reduces quality of life. Don't think I ever found satisfying answer, at least for longer time than a couple of days. Now I even have a note in my laptop with all rooms available and in next column I wrote '' opportunities''. Which is very subjective... But it does reduce stress and worry a little

Also want to add. Thinking that some high stakes games like nl5000 with a weak player might be easier than nl1000 regwar. Easier technically. And it is a huge thing. Even if it is easier and has higher EV/expectations it doesn’t mean those games are gonna be very good to play. Because the emotional level of difficulty will be high. Stress, tilt, frustration and many other things gonna make it eventually tougher.

Weak players
Already wrote a lot. Just gonna mention that weak players are also adjusting and changing their style. Not only because of tilt. I saw a station player after some time making a lot of folds. I saw aggro players hesitate to bluff, and after making crazy bluffs and after again changing to play passive.
Also another observation - some passive player starting to play aggressive and so on. Quite easy to see someplay and label players - ‘’station’’ ‘’nitty’’ etc. But I am afraid those labels are not gonna stand forever and even in one session can be replaced.

Anyway, that’s it for this wednesday. Good luck to everyone :)

May

Overall +2BI more, so around 2,4k which seems very good
After my last update I hit one bad day where nothing was working, being unlucky in multiple situations, being crushed and tilted. Besides I got covid which affected the end of the month heavily. Even that bad day I mentioned above, was not in a good state.
About this month - 3 things can be said: bad run at first, continuous heater in the middle and covid last week which was frustrating. Missed few days of playing and also a couple of days I played either very little or with not good focus and mindset. For me personally I can play only when alone in the room - it is the best environment. If someone else is near me my annoyance increases and also my brain works slower, getting easily distracted and harder to concentrate. Tilting like a monkey and losing control :(
Kinda sad with all that. Even feel slightly powerless and weak. Doesn’t matter how good a month was, I am very affected by the last things because it is vivid and makes me upset right now(negative).

Goals for June:
1)Playing as I can and awareness of my qualities
2)Keeping track of my expectations from the session, day, week, month
3)Study common spots for aggressive approach

Key thoughts May:
1)Noticing when I am anxious and what it want to say
2)Accepting anger and being in that state
3)Idealisation - I am doing something good not because of it, in spite of
4)How annoyance can build up and small things create monkey tilt
5)Comparison - it is actually a good thing but can bring unhappiness and feeling down. Do I really want what that person has? How would I feel having it? What should I change to get it?
6)Being aggressive is good, but not in every single situation.

#14 Tilt and annoyance

Today I went off quite a lot. Which was something I already anticipated and even though I am typing it now I feel really angry, dissatisfied and annoyed. Just finished my 2nd session - so tilting and so &&&&&&.

Before starting to play today I had few triggers to add into my overall state:
1)Today I wanted to write to 888poker about stolen money (thats provide a bit of negative energy and anger)
2)Yesterday I had a fever and felt ill. Today I had a headache and not really recovered fully. It is ruins my schedule and I really hate being sick for multiple reasons: a)gonna play less (day off or etc) b)too often I am getting sick c) can’t exercise and can’t study well (not productive, waste of time)
Additionally next monday I have to take a day off as well, because we will go to the countryside. Also don’t make me more happy
3)Yesterday I wasn't happy with formula-1 results. Actually with one driver performance. Overall results were good
4)It is coming to end of the month and I don’t want to have losing month or so (pressure, stress, perfectionism)
5)I looked results of few other regs before weekend (comparison - envy, jelousy)

Nevertheless if you run well you won’t really get tilted or annoyed, because those triggers won’t go out on a surface, they just gonna be hidden until some occasion. But when you start to run horrible and lose vs some aggro rec player, when you play doesn't work and you constantly get in terrible situations. That’s where it comes into play! Thats the time you go on a tilt mode and instantly blow with anger.

For sure felt rusty, felt under the weather, not playing perfectly and angry because of that. Lost sense of game and got emotional.
Nothing of above is bad, nothing from I wrote is a bad or ''negative'' things. It is just experience troughout the day, with emotions and feelings. Don't want to label it :)
Today I re-read some parts of my journal, actually seems like very smart thoughts and ideas there, it is super nice to go over them and remind myself. For example if I catch heater I can absolutely forget everything and take it as a granted, I can start finding happiness in winning pots and crushing other players. Of course at some point card distribution is changing and now I don't have more happiness because I am losing, right?
In April I wrote that I will play just to have fun and click some buttons in my way. Not gonna try to make best possible plays or try to outplay everyone and make their life tough, nahh not my plan. Feels like at somepoint I become too serious about the game and everything and need to tell myself - ''Hey, what about fun and enjoyment?''

Tomorrow I will play, poker brings me enjoyment and a feeling of
satisfaction. Not always happy though but happiness is not a
destination, right? I am not gonna sit and play to make best decisions
possible and that gonna translate to happy emotions. No, I am just
gonna play because I like it and find it super interesting.

Good luck to everyone, see you at the 31st. Stay healthy and don't forget to fool around a bit