Indifference's avatar

Indifference

38 points

Hola!
Finally i moved my PC to the new house, but still no internet, i'm still using the hotspot from my phone but is kinda laggy so pretty annoying.
I put the hands i did from the laptop here to check some stats on PT and it turned out i did about 5k hands.
Now i'm at 6.4k for this month, i don't complain cause i really have not so much time for poker.

I was talking with my wife recently and she told me that during holiday i was totally another person, more happy, no stress on me...and she understand what i had inside...i felt trapped cause inside me i want so bad to put effort and time in poker but realistically now is not possible, so i was charging myself with stress, thinking too much, overwhelming myself, burning out and also making life of my family not great as it can be.

This is my normal day:

wake up (brething, stretching, little little workout)
work
lunch break (clean kitchen or clean baby, give him food)
work
shower
family time, preparing dinner or give food to the little one, bath and prepare him to sleep, this till 21/21.30

I'm not saying is not possible to find time for poker cause some person would tell me that is pretty easy to manage this time and some others that is impossible to live like that.

This is the point, is about the person. For me, i was not good in balancing things so i was doing too much in a bad way: i was not the dad and husband i wanted, i was lacking in good habits, i was not constant with poker.

Now i'm going to focus on the present moment enjoying my day, focusing on good habits, knowing that my priorities till evening are my family, my job and living an healthy life.
Then i will find time for poker but i don't need to stress myself too much, small steps after small steps can bring me pretty far.
Also a couple of days away from the table can be really beneficial, while playing anyway can be detrimental if you burn out.

Building a solid and balanced lifestyle should be my priority, and a good healthy poker routine wil be a consequense, cause it comes from concrete healthy foundations.

Was pretty hard to exspress myself in english but i tried anyway, i hope it makes sense ahahahah

Tonight for example i studied some, then i try to play but internet was laggy and i'm pretty tired so i'm going to watch some tv with my wife, relax, and be ready for live a great day tomorrow.

have a great week guys, see ya!

Jan. 16, 2022 | 10:02 p.m.

Hola! quick update, baby and wife are out to meet grandparents so i'm going to use this free time to update, and play some.

We still are waiting for the wifi at home, this morning i had an appointment with the technician that should come to check the line and give the ok, but i was preparing breakfast for the little pig, phone in silent mode and didn't saw the call...i feel so dumb, so probably now i still have to wait another week cause tomorrow is holiday day, then the week end and so on.

These days i'm still playing from my laptop, no hud, no tracking software, no warm up, no study before playing, just enjoying the evening sitting on the couch watching something with my wife playing one table zoom.
I started playing nl10 cause of that, then 25 and now i'm playing nl50, since i'm playing one table only, i think my b or c game is enough to no lose maybe...i don't know.

See ya!

Jan. 5, 2022 | 8:26 a.m.

Thanks mate!!!
Same for you, you will crush 2022 for sure!

Dec. 31, 2021 | 5:22 p.m.

Hola! I've managed to find a couple of hours to come at my parents house and maybe play some. At the moment my poker PC is here cause i stiill have no internet connection at home but next week i will move there anyway, maybe using my phone as a hotspot.

I just want to wish everybody a great 2022!
Here in Italy the situation it seems to get worse with covid, so i don't know...it's not great spending 2 years almost always at home, i hope it will end soon...

Pokerwise i will start again my Journey with a bankroll of 1500€, using 30 BI for nl50, move down when i will have 30 BI for nl25 and so on.
I still have to return to good habits, that means wake up earlier, healthy food etc...but i'm confident i will get there soon.

Good luck for everything, let's crush 2022!

Dec. 31, 2021 | 12:31 p.m.

Good luck mate, i will follow your journey!

Dec. 25, 2021 | 9:47 p.m.

So long without any update!
I'm writing from my phone now, we are in the new house but no internet, so i'm waiting to restart with poker. I cannot even go to my office in the morning cause i go to work with the mom of my wife that work close to my factory (the new house is 5km far from the town where i work and where i used to live) so i cannot leave early in the morning. The plan is to go by bike so i can do some workout, while listen to some audiobook, reach the office really early and do some poker...but my bike had a hole in the wheel so a friend is fixing it.
At the moment i'm taking my time to stay with family in this holidays (last 2 days of work and i will be on vacation till the 10th of January) and finishing all the chores in the new house.
I miss poker so much and really exited to start this 2022, crushing the field
I'm also hyped to write here my new plans and goals
See ya!!

Dec. 21, 2021 | 8:19 p.m.

Good news we have the key of the new house and we are preparing everything to move there.
The 10th of December the moving company will come here in the morning and in one day everything will be in the other house. We prefer to pay someone, expecially with a baby, than do everything on our own, disassemble and reassemble fornitures, kitchen, etc

Unfotunately my mother got sick (no covid fortunately, just a normal winter flu), and we prefer to avoid meeting her for some days, just to prevent us to get sick too during these busy days.
Since my PC is in my old room in my parent's house, this means that i'm not going to study or playing there for some days.
I decided then to take poker easily this month, no more 4am wake up. But i will play some zoom in the evening while relaxing on the couch.
I left 63 bucks on Stars, so i will play NL10 till i will have 5 BI for nl25, move to nl50 when arriving to 5 BI for that limit, viceversa returning at nl10 if i will return to 50bucks, 5BI for nl10.
Let's build a bankroll, to start 2022 without depositing any money :D

I want to build healthy habits anyway so i will wake up 30 minutes earlier for some stretching and breathing. I also need to fix my diet cause lately i was eating really bad, this is a big big leak of mine, yesterday i ate pretty good, and today also, but we went for some sushi tonight,
too much rice, but at least not junk food.

Tomorrow "to do list":
- stretching
- breathing
- eat clean
- cold shower

Good night guys!

Dec. 2, 2021 | 10:42 p.m.

Hola!
This morning i'm taking it more easy, i'm organizing ranges, cashout money from my account cause from today i play with my own money (since now, for one year and an half i was with a friend of mine that was helping me with my game ansd sharing profits) and study some.
Btw i decided to not continue with my friend cause this year i want to try to stay stable at nl50 (and shot nl100 when i feel to) focusing on studing and pay the rent with that money.
This months will be pretty intense: we are going to move in another house, i'm doing overtime at work, the baby also take a lot of energy from us.
And we have to face some big expenses too, new mattress, new fridge, we need to give 3 months rent as caution, new couch and others little things...plus the rent here is 25% higher so i will wait January and start with a new budget plan for poker too.
So now, i left 63€ on the account and i will focus mostly on study, playing for fun and see where i can reach or go broke :D
Have a nice day!

Dec. 1, 2021 | 4:46 a.m.

Morning routine:
. Stretching
. 30 Minutes poker study (hand breakdown or video)
. Play
. Break with breathing excercise
. Play

Go!

Nov. 27, 2021 | 4:13 a.m.

Hi!
I thought i made a post couple of days ago but it didn't go through apparently, i was talking a little about using solvers approach etc and also posting my disastrous November in terms of poker, but nevermind maybe is better cause i had so many ideas in mind and probably i expressed myself pretty bad. I will talk about this another time with better word.
While for the November schedule, here it is:

This morning i did wake up at 4am, but i'm going to take it more easy, i'm finishing to set everything on the pc etc, later i will do some stretching, breathing and i will be ready to watch a video or study something.

I will see you next week for another update, this time i hope there will be more green in that picture :D

see ya

Nov. 26, 2021 | 4:07 a.m.

Hey! The upgraded PC is arrived, now i have 24gb of ram and i think will be ok for some years.
Now i'm downloading alle the programs i need, installing, activating everything....little bit boring but i also like it a little, is like cleaning deeply the house, you feel better and lighter after it!

Tomorrow will be the time to wake up at 4am again and start with the routine, i'm pretty happy about it!

Have a great week guys, let's crush the tables and real life too! ;)

Nov. 21, 2021 | 3:17 p.m.

Hola, so long without a proper update, but i had to stay away from poker for some days. Last monday the baby got sick...this means long nights without sleep and i had to quit my morning schedule to help in the morning before going to work. Then on the week end my wife got sick too so i had to take care of both on saturday and on sunday 24/24.
On monday baby was better but he had again a cold, so during the night was hard for him to breath normally and sleep fine, he usually costantly wake up every couple of hours.
So, since i planned to boost up the ram of my PC, i took it to the guy and these days he is going to bring my ram to 24gb, so will be easier to use PIO and Simple Preflop.

I'm going to try to play some in the evening from my laptop but is not easy cause i'm really tired and i don't have my desk, i cannot do my warm up etc etc.

I will update better when the pc will return home and i will start with the routine again. It sucks to not be able to play but i will enjoy more time with the family, no problem :)

I wish you the best guys, see ya!

Nov. 17, 2021 | 8:43 p.m.

Hola!
I'm going to do a quick update cause last week i took too much days off, i did something like 1.3k hands....nothing.
Monday here was holiday so i pass time with family, wednesday i was tired after a tuesday with no breaks, thurday i also skipped cause the baby cried all night so i help some before going to work. I said to myself to make up for lost time but sunday is a free poker day, so i skip that day too. But next week end i will update with information about last week too.

Today i'm going to enter at 8 at work so i played almost 2 hours and 30 minutes of study.
At the beginning started with 20 minutes of streatching and some breathing excercise.
I played 2 tables only, i think that right now there is a big gap in my game when playing 2 tables instead of 3, i can focus much more and think deeper.

So next week the schedule will be the same, i will try to eat better and maybe insert a quick routine before going to sleep with some meditation or stretching...still i don't know exactly.

The plan right now is to stay at nl50, study, improve and also try to improve the volume, so in january without overtime at work maybe i can reach 4/5k hands per week that can be a success, poker can become my part time job.
Still, volume is not my main goal, i want to get better and improve.
In the past i was scared like:"omg solvers, training sites, this is going to be a solved game"....big lol...more i study more i realize how complex for our mind this game can be!
As anything in life there is no magic pills or shortcuts ( i mean there are, but i think those are for weak and dishonest people) so the recipe is a good mix of hard work, discipline, mindset and passion.

I wish you a great week, bye!

Nov. 8, 2021 | 6:30 a.m.

Hey, week is over and in Italy the 1st of november is holiday from work so this means realx till monday night!

So here's a quick recap of my week:

On Wednesday i forgot to set the alarm for the morning, so i've lost one day, but on Friday i started one hour later at work so i played one hour more.
I'm getting used to this wake up time, the bad part of this is that around 9.30/10 in the evening i literally cannot keep my eyes open and i'm sacrificing time with my wife.
Is temporary thou cause from january i will return to work 8 hours/day so this means i can wake up at 5am and probably resist till 11 at night ahahaha.
Having a proper warm up is game changing imho, i feel more aware ingame and more confident.
I've played about 31 hours this month, divided in 20 days. I skipped 3 cause my wife was sick and a couple of others due to not waking up or cause i messed up the schedule.
Talking about the schedule i think i will keep this for all november, stay consistent and see if i can push more.

Is also the end of the month so i can share some results.
Volume is pretty low, zoom is not running early morning here so i usually play 2/3 normal tables focusing on decisions, this means around 300/350 hands per hour.
I've played something like 11k hands from nl25 till nl200 when there was recreational seated but next month i will focus on nl50 and stay there.

Unfortunately 11k hands are nothing, but i'm getting used to focusing on what's really matters.
I need to continue with a solid morning routine, do a proper warm up before sitting down at the tables and take my time when in game to think about ranges etc

I wish you a great week end, see ya!

Oct. 30, 2021 | 8:16 a.m.

Hey! here we are for the weekly update.

I'm kinda happy cause i've achieved my goal to wake up early everyday: 3 days at 4am, one day at 5am, and 2 at 4.30am, tomorrow i will sleep ahahaha also cause the baby is at grandma house and we have a free night!

I'm lacking for workouts and stretching but that's not a real priority right now, cause at least at work i'm constantly moving and lifting iron from 2 to 20 kg so many times...to see it in a positive way, they are paying me to go to the gym!

Also lacking in wim hof breathing exercises, so that's something to fix for the next week.

So after a couple of changes i think this way of scheduling my day is pretty good so for now i will stay with it.
Right now i'm thinking how to divide this 2 hours i have everyday between poker, study and some strecthing/breathing.
The first solution that comes to my mind is:
- wake up: 4am
- stretching and breathing: from 4.30 till 5
- study/video: from 5 till 5.30
- play from 5.30 till 6.30

What are benefits and cons of this?
The benefits are that i will approach the session at my best, mentally and phisically. Also i will start my day in the best way possible (maybe i will insert a small small wake up workout)
The cons are the volume, since i play around 350 hands/h that means 1500 hands in 5 days...in the morning here zoom is not running, and i prefer to open 4 tables, i want to focus more on decisions.

You know what? i will try this anyway, my goal now is to get better in poker not to make money for a living (not yet ahaha)
The other choice can be to fully dedicate it to poker, but is it worthed? to play 1.5k hands more and sacrifice the study, and a proper warm up for the session and for the day?
Yeah, i've convinced myself, it's a good plan!

See ya! Have a great day and enjoy the present moment, it's all we have ;)

Oct. 23, 2021 | 6:17 a.m.

Hey!
The week is over and is time for some update!

Unfotunately my wife got sick and for 3 days i didn't wake up for poker. She had some flu, a really really strong cold that make her eyes to weep all the time, she couldn't even watch tv or the phone. So i had to take care of the baby, took a couple of days off from work and fortunately she was negative in the covid test.
Now she is fine, i played some from the couch yesterday, and this morning i managed to wake up at 5am and come at the office to play some, so i guess this week i will be around 2k hands.

I started the 28th of september to treat poker more seriously and ive played around 7k hands, i'm not that happy about this but is ok, i have to think about getting better now and be constant in what i'm doing.

I also left the kick boxing training cause was too much, i mean, wke up at 4 am, play poker, work for 9 hours, return home, stay with family, do some stuff, and at 8pm go to gym till 22, go to bed around 23...hmmm not a great choice. I can do it? yes. Is it worthed? maybe not.
Is better to choose my priorities and stick to them.
I will move to another apartment before the end of the year and this means less time and i don't want to push too much.
In january ii will probably join it again.

What's my priorities now?
- Do my best to be a great husband and dad
- Poker
- Healthy life (diet and some workout)

I think is enough :)

have a great sunday!

Oct. 17, 2021 | 5:25 a.m.

Good luck!!! Keep us updated!

Oct. 15, 2021 | 8:05 a.m.

Hola!
Last week was not great, i didn't feel comfortable with the schedule, more precisely, it was hard to play at evening after a long working day. I also missed all the other goals about diet, workout and warm up.
I've played only 2.7k hands.

This week i will try again to wake up early morning and see what happened.
Wake up at 4 am, play from 4.30/6.30 and go to work.
When home i will sign a contract with my gf, where i say that from now till 23 of december i will follow our diet, no alcohol, and no sugar. Everytime i broke one rule i will give 200€ to a person we really don't like ahahah

today i've skipped the wake up cause the baby was little bit sick so i prefered to help during the night.

Tomorrow strong program:
4 am wake up, go to "office" and play a couple of hours
working day
kick boxing training
die in bed

Ah i almost forgot! we find a better house and we will move there in december so will be a really fucked up month!
See ya guys!

Oct. 11, 2021 | 7:06 p.m.

Really motivating, thanks for sharing! Crush them! ;)

Oct. 8, 2021 | 10:44 a.m.

It happened...i played tired and i find myself spewing around and calling down like a monkey :(
Is pretty tilting to see yourself not thinking and autopiloting in maniac mode.
What should i do? i think accept it, learn something from it and move on.
How i feel? disappointed and angry with myself, i knew i should quit, i was tired.
Why is this affecting my mood? why i feel happy when i'm +4 BI and i feel bad when -4? Is not about the money, probably cause i know it's my fault, cause one again i was not disciplined enough.
But everybody makes mistakes, even great players.

I think i evaluate myself too much based on results in the short term, even if i know is so stupid! It seems that if in 1k hands i spew around 4 stacks, at that point i'm not worth anything.
Is just one mistakes, it shouldnt happened, but i'm learning, so let's pay this 4 buy-ins to not make it happened again.

Time to sleep! See ya

Oct. 7, 2021 | 8:46 p.m.

Hey!
First day of the new schedule...pretty full i can say:
6.30 wake up
7.00/12.00 work
12.00/13.30 poker
13.30/17.30 work
18.00/19.45 poker
20.00/22.00 kickboxing
22.30/till i dont' know, i'm tired...poker

Tuesdays and Thursdays will be like this, while other days poker only during lunch break and one evening when i feel too.
Let's see how i feel with this schedule, maybe is too unbalanced, maybe not, time will tell ahahah

Have a good night guys!

Oct. 5, 2021 | 8:30 p.m.

After this first week of morning play i have some doubt about the effectiveness of this routine.
I'm not sure im optimizing my time, cause i need 20ish minutes for warm up everytime and maybe it doesen't make sense to use 2 hours/week when i have around 12 hours in total.
So my new plan is this:
.i will still play at lunch, one hour with short warm up
.tuesday and thursday study from 18 till 19.40 and play after kickboxing training from 22.30 till 1am
One or two other evening, play from 21 till midnight or 1am
This way i will play around 12/13 hours week and 3 of study. Some more if i also put something in the week end.

Oct. 4, 2021 | 11:30 a.m.

Thanks mate! Maybe i should stop, given the fact is so many years that i play, and i also quit my last job to turn pro for 3 years, and i failed, but i still feel theres a chance :)

Oct. 4, 2021 | 10:18 a.m.

Hmmmm, not good start of the week, i've played pretty poorly but that's ok, that's part of the game :)
I'm ready for another full time family, job, poker, workout, diet, stretching week ahahahahahah
Tomorrow probably we will start doing 9 hours/day instead of 8, so it will be even a more challenging week!
Let's go!

Oct. 4, 2021 | 5:24 a.m.

First week of this new routine is gone.
I'm pretty happy with it, mostly cause since i started i didn't miss one day...i was going to fall a couple of days when my mind was like: "omg is so warm in this soft bed, maybe you can sleep some more, if you skip one day is ok, you can still sleep more than 2 hours..." ahhaahh

I've played only 2.5k hands, the goal is to bring them to 5k. 2ok hands/month seems reasonable having job and family.
Next week i will play more hands for sure cause during lunch break i can play zoom so will be easier to reach 5k.

What i should improve? and what i can immediately do for it?

. Having better mindset at the tables = do a proper warm up, breathing excercise (at least one cylce before playing), take breakes no matter what, and review one hand deeply ( i feel much more confident when i dive deep into hands, looking at ranges from both sides, turn etc)
. Feel more confident when playing = study! 2 lunch breakes next week will be dedicated to study
. Having more energy = starting from monday i will sign a contract till the night before chirstmas about my diet. 2 days a week kickboxing training and 3 days light workout, probably rope jump, pushups abs, simple stuff. 5 minutes of stretching everyday

I think thats all, have a great week end guys!

Oct. 2, 2021 | 7:45 a.m.

Yeah especially when your grinding time is limited, is easy to skip warm up or meditation, but all the time i skip it i feel my mindset in game can be destroyed so easily ahahah
Thanks a lot, you too!

Oct. 2, 2021 | 5:45 a.m.

This morning i'm exhausted...fortunately i managed to wake up anyway. But i have a couple of updateds so this morning i will write something here and then study some.

First of all i love this new schedule, is not easy to wake up early, especially if you are the type of guy that can move forward the alarm time even for 2 or 3 minutes, just to sleep 2 minutes more ahahahahah. Every morning was like: "i will wake up one hour earlier so i can stretch and do some workout", and it ended with me constantly snooze the alarm and moving it forward by ten minutes everytime...i don't even sleep properly, that's non sense!
I love it also cause it gives me this new boost of energy probably given by the fact i did a big part of my things before the day started and mentally it feels great!
Unfotunately at work, we never had so many orders (so maybe is a good thing?) and i need to go there one hour earlier and work 9 hours/day. Perfect timing right? is only one week i finally managed to wake up earlier and bam! something arrive and change my plans.
Now i have 2 options: wake up at 4 am or wake up at 5 anyway, use one hour only, go to work from 7 to 12 and return at pc from 12 till 13.15.
Next week i will try the second one, and see how it goes.

The other aspect i want to talk is food and diet. when i go out of track is like a snowball running down of a mountain, i start with a piece of cake here and there and i find myself oredering a family pizza and eating 2 desserts. I need to stop obv and i have to start from today. I probably will use the contract strategy, that works pretty well for me. I will sign a contract with a friend and if i break some of the rules there i will pay a penalty.

Poker, we are here for that right? :)
I should focus more on warm up and on my goals for the day, i need to be more specific, and take more breaks. 1.5 hours is too muck for me, 40 minutes and then break probably is best.
I also find myself spewing some stacks here and there. what makes me tilt is when i do it without even thinking!
I should use all the time i have at my disposal to have a clear vision of the hand, think about ranges etc.
Now i will focus on 3bet pot oop, i feel so lost when oop especially when the post start to get bigger. I have the feeling that they can do what they want with me in those situation ahahaha

Another thing i should get rid of is this hurge to play, i need to take my time for warm up, some breathing or meditation to get in the zone, without having the fear to lose 20 minutes of play.
Focus on quality not quantity.

Ok, i'm ready for my warm up now, have a great day guys!

Oct. 1, 2021 | 4:02 a.m.

Hola!
I'm back as a married poker player ahahah
We married on 18th, quick cerimony and then go to Venice for one night without the baby....that was relaxing!
Then home and on Monday till Sunday we went on the seaside with the baby this time, and was so beautiful to see him so curious about everything: the sand, the sea the people, other kids...

But holidays are gone and im ready to commit myself!
Here is 5.30 and i decided to treat poker like a job, is the only option if i want to bring it to another level. I don't want to push me to play also when i'm tired or anything, cause when i don't feel i can study instead, but i want to push me to have the same attitude that i have toward a job, if i have to wake up or go to work at that hour, i will go to work at that hour, stop.

So the plan is to wake up every morning at 5.00, get ready, reach "the office" and start around 5.30, till 7.30 when will be time to go to the other job.

Ok i'm ready! Go!

Sept. 28, 2021 | 3:41 a.m.

Hey!
Finally i did it! i managed to wake up at 4.00 am to play...the hard part will be to be consistent with this. I think tonight i will feel shit, i also have kick boxing training tonight...

More i play, more i realize i don't know anything about this game ahahaha, not even to say "yeah i'm good, there's room for getting better" but more like "omg i don't know anything, most of the things i do, or i'm not sure or i don't know WHY i'm doing them!".

Well, i think is a great news!

I think monetary goals are banned now, and i have to put way much work into working on my game.
I feel so lost against regs, even i know they are in my same shoes. But here comes in play another big leak of mine that is overthinking. I think they are way better than me and they can easily read me and exploit me. This is something i need to get rid of, and i think the only way to do it is to study and knowing better why i'm doing certain move.

Have a great day!

This is my graph since i started the blog:

Sept. 16, 2021 | 5:28 a.m.

Here we are, 2 weeks without poker basically! i played the italian sunday million the last week end, get itm, but i was without energy the next morning of both days: monotabling for 2 evenings from 21.00 till 3am sucks ahahah
I started with all good intention like "i will take breakes, get water, do some pushups" or "i will not open youtube and be superfocused on my table"
After 2/3 hours i wasnot leaving my chair, watching random youtube correlated videos eating chips and bisquits...

As i said no poker the last 14 days, i was busy with family and scheduling my week.
I started kick boxing too on tuesdays and thursdays from 20 till 22 and is not easy to put everything together. Plus the baby now is eating proper meal and not milk only so more time to prepare his food too and especially clean him after lunch and dinner (he can have food on all his head ahahaha).

So instead of putting some random time into poker, i just wait to organize my time better...in fact today i bringed my computer and monitors to my parents house and, to say it with the words of Dusty Schmidt, i will "treat it like a business"!
I will decide when to go to my office and leave all the distractions outside the door, i think this way i will be more efficient and in the end i will finish to play and study more.

Next saturday i will get married in the morning, then leave all behind and reach venice with my wife only for a night just for us 2. The on sunday we will go in tuscany with the baby for 6 days, on the seaside.

See ya!

Sept. 12, 2021 | 8:17 p.m.

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