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MatoStar

324 points

Shaun Pauwels :D :D :D
HeavyMask thxxx bro, hope u are doing well too:)
Damn guys, nice to talk to you again! :D

And I promise, I will try to make updates more regularly. Maybe even showing some cool hands from nl500:)

Oct. 8, 2021 | 4:30 p.m.

BIG UPDATE

Yo yo, what's up RIO!

It's been almost 5 months since I posted here. However, I'm back with the update on how my journey in BrPC goes. 

I really feel that I'm much better player than I was before joining the stable. I understand way way more exploitative stuff backed up with a lot of theory knowledge. I also have realized that there are so many spots I have almost no clue about and thats fine as long as I keep constantly working on it. Overall, it's a great feeling when you can clearly see your improvements over period of time. In my case, it's also supported by results which is even better.
Last time, I was writing about taking shots and establishing at nl200, today I can happily share with you my graph from those stakes, but more importantly --- I'm already taking shots at nl500!*

I really like to remind myself that I was just a year ago not beating even nl50. Compared to now, when I'm basically playing against guys like Teunuss (Rio elite coach). So yeah, it's like living my dream and I really hope it's just a beginning of my career. I'll try to do everything what is in my capabilities to crush even nl500 and then jump into the highstakes action.I know I need to study really hard to compete at this high level, however, I'm more motivated than ever before. Let's keep crushing!

NL200

NL500 so far

Overall

Oct. 8, 2021 | 12:17 p.m.

Yeah, definitely a lot of news!

However, I got the rakeback deal this month from pokerstars. Which is great, but since the first 10 days of this month I was off my devices, grinding it up is my highest priority right now. I will try to make an update this month though. Mainly regarding my performance, results, thoughts on my BrPC journey as well as some mindset and personal stuff.

Lets keep crushing!
See you soon.

July 18, 2021 | 11:10 a.m.

Should be fine in theory I guess nothing you can do vs such a huge 3bet thats cleary a sign of a weaker player.
With so much equity you obviously cant fold. As an explo play, you could potentially call and donk-shove once you hit and check fold vs shove once you dont - because you dont have good odds to call vs a set (if I calculated correctly, but its a bit dangerous, since there is some non-zero chance that he is overplaying his AA or AK)

May 23, 2021 | 8:52 a.m.

Making mistakes while studying

this is something I honestly was pretty avoiding.. usually when I was drilling certain spot and made a blunder, I wanted to skip it and go to the next one asap to prove myself that I can still get it right -- to feel the feeling of satisfaction. I mean, I am not saying I always did it like this, but it used to suck a lot to slow down and explore what leaded me to such a mistake or if there is any correction needed in my thinking process.
However, you can see how unhealthy and destructive that mindset is.
Therefore I will really try to pay attention to the mindset I am currently in. The reason is pretty simple (I guess I mentioned it in some previous posts as well), if I can get conscious about my current mindset, its almost impossible to still stay in the wrong mindset.
Ideally, I would like to achieve a state of mind when I am basically hungry for mistakes. Thanks to mistakes, I am able to get better (if I spot and learn from them), so there is no benefit for me in perceiving it as some sort of weakness. Its just because I want to get an immediate reward, however, I need to remind myself that my identity and satisfaction isnt dependent on immediate rewards or anything like this.

So yeah, this is something I definitely need to work on a bit more especially if I plan to succeed in poker.

I will appreciate any thoughts/advice:)

Cheers

May 7, 2021 | 11:41 a.m.

RunItTw1ce

One thing I noticed every time I move up is I level myself into thinking how good regs are at the next level up

Yeah, this is exactly what happened to me again and I feel like its pretty affecting my game in certain spots.
However, I think its important to add that the difference is real.. I mean I can clearly see that guys are putting me into more tough spots at nl200 compared to nl100.

Usually it is a tough learning curve before you realize your +EV bluff
catchers are actually -EV because the pool just isn't bluffing enough
combos.

Thanks!! and there is also a fact that certain bluffcatchers are way better than the others (in terms of ev difference) and many times its not that obvious, because we need to figure out his value betting and bluffing range first and then go from there. There is also a bit of leveling if you know that your bluffcatcher blocks gto bluffs, but you expect human to be bluffing some other combos and it can get at pretty funky deep level:)

what Kind of stats are you working with in terms of basic ones
vpip/pfr/3bet? cbet F T R? WSD WWSF?

Well, tbh everyone from the team has got different numbers.. someone likes to play more passive, someone more aggro etc.
I am rather trying to focus on spots where I think the most of my ev is coming from.. and putting my HH into gto wizard and see the biggest ev losses and then try to possibly find some similarities between those so that I know whats really important for me to study

May 5, 2021 | 11:30 a.m.

Hey friends!:)

This month was again pretty exceptional for me, mainly because I started playing nl200 - stakes I never played before online! I am super excited about it, since I am only 20yrs old and like a year ago, I was basically playing microstakes!

In terms of my performance, this month wasnt as good as it could be esp. at the end of the month when I was kinda chasing hours - hopefully following month I will be able to play on 2 sites (at least).
My study was a bit messy, it wasnt that structured, so for the next month I will try to focus on SBvBTN 3BP PFR OOP, specifically improving my play with value hands. Another aspect which I would like to focus is to improve my theory fundamentals - just putting my hands into gto wizard and go through the biggest ev losses. Lastly, I would like to more focus on "how much ev my hand has"? Basically trying to integrate this into my thinking process, because I think I was neglecting this important part of the game tree..
I was also a bit neglecting some tier studies, so for the next month I would like to do some sweat ssn with my tier mates.

Results wise its been pretty swingy, but I really dont want to pay too much attention to current results. More important is for me to improve my game in mentioned areas and become a better player.

Last but not least, I would like to reschedule my schedule, and start playing mornings 6am-11am CET which means that I will go to sleep at like 9pm and wake up at 5-5:30am. Its going to be pretty challenging, but see a lot of benefit in there so why not to try. After one week, I will look back and see how it goes.

This month

Overall

May 2, 2021 | 12:37 p.m.

Naah, I mean I like checking a lot on this flop, range check should be definitely a viable option.

However, when on such a board he bets almost a pot size bet, you arent really happy. First of all, he shouldnt be using this sizing in theory. But when he does, he is most likely super polarized to a 9x. So if you check-raise, you are kinda isolating yourself vs really strong range.. also the fact that he can have all sets, twopairs and straight makes it even worse.. I would like it much more on boards like 963tt, T63tt, 742tt etc where he has got less nutted hands that beat us and more equity driven bluffs that we want to charge.
I would just call the flop and go from there. Just to remember poker is a multi-street game and whenever both options are pretty close (which is the case, KK are mixed in theory 66% calling and 33% raising), always opt for the one you have more confidence in/ familiar with. Nobody is going to take advantage till super high stakes - that you are pushing certain mixed strategies into pure ones.. Just because its not so obvious to recognize that it should be mixed at the first place, secondly, you need to get the grasp of frequencies and last but not least, you need to know whats the best counter-exploit if you deviate.
This process is important in general whenever you are intentionally deviating from the equilibrium

April 27, 2021 | 10:55 a.m.

Hey guys

I think this is super important and I am really gonna try to pay more attention to that.

I am talking about changing my mindset from winning money to getting better at poker (setting a goal, defining steps needed for achieving that goal and then at the end look back and analyze what worked and what did not)
Because I have to admit that recently, I started to put more pressure on myself esp. at times where results werent satisfiable. So from there, I realized that this isnt a healthy perspective, therefore I would really like to try to shift that mindset towards learning.
Every study hour or session played is mainly for the sake of getting better. It doesnt matter how much I won/lost. The key question to ask myself is: "what I have learned?"
Starting to integrate this perspective, knowing its going to take some time, but the upside is almost infinite imo.

Will make a quick reflection of that at the end of the month along with the month summary!

Cheers guys:)

Get inspired also by Daniel N. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXGUL4zWrk4&t=903s
5:00-9:00 he is talking about very similar stuff.

April 27, 2021 | 10:36 a.m.

Well, its sort of dependent on your flop strategy.. if you use a range bet, then logically you are going to have pretty high checking frequency OTT.. but I think overbet or check is going to be fine strategy on most turns.. You can still use smaller sizing like 75 with bluffs without much equity and overbet the better ones..
But overbets are sometimes a bit tricky and there are examples like paired cards, flush cards etc where we barely use an overbet sizing so, whenever you are in doubts I think 66-75% pot size bet its never going to be a big mistake

April 23, 2021 | 2:34 p.m.

Well, I am not saying you can not cbet range here.. I think its fine for those stakes for sure on most boards.. Just saying if you are about to use more advanced strategy that those 9high and lower boards are usually the ones we want to size up.. However, this is actually bit of an exception where you can cbet at pretty high freq, cause its rainbow and the 2 low cards - 3 and 2 are barely connected with his calling range

April 23, 2021 | 2:30 p.m.

Well, it seems to me that you are trying to apply strategy that you dont exactly know and kind of just guessing..
At those stakes, its super important to simplify many things that arent causing big ev loss and this could be one of them..

Anyway, if you want to play more advanced: On those flops you dont want to be using the smaller sizing as often- you have plenty of trashy offsuit broadway type of hands and usually when there are 2 low cards, OOP can xraise a ton, because if the 3rd low card comes he can just overbet super often and essentially all of your overpairs becomes bluffcatchers..
Usually the overcard turn - K or A isnt actually an overbet in theory.. because you are repping very few hands for value that would like to overbet and his flop calling range is quite condensed from Kx and Ax.. so just be careful.. on the J overcard or lower it should be safe for the most part; the Q is kinda inbetween
As Ryan mentioned, your hand is just too strong to bluff - the ev of checking is just higher, because you can win a lot in showdown and at the same time if you bet, there arent many better hands that you can fold out.
Btw if you are about to take this line.. after the turn overbet (150%) on the river your main sizing is going to be AI (unless you face a river that changes equities a lot..).. so if you want to apply this strategy, try to look for turns that are blanks and then shove the river with best bluffs (those usually are going to be 3rd pairs such 76 on AK7, bc it blocks 77,K7,A7 and unblock folds). Also look for straight completing rivers (esp. with your offsuit combos), because after overbetting the turn your V can barely call you with a naked straight draw.. so you are going to have nuts that your opponent can not have --- you should be using overbets
In general, its more applicable for BBvBTN.. but not that different vs the CO as well

Hope it helps a little bit:)

April 23, 2021 | 2:08 p.m.

Moving to NL200!

Hey guys!

Few days ago I got a permission to play NL200! I feel really good about it, realizing that 2 months ago I was playing NL50 and less than year ago I was playing basically microstakes!

Unfortunately, I started to feel that at NL200 on stars, its getting more reg-heavy and I will be probably forced to adjust my grinding hours a bit..

Anyway, it has nothing to do with my work ethic, I am ready to work even harder, focusing on spots where most of my ev is generating and go from there!

Monthly graph is coming soon!
Cheers guys:)

April 23, 2021 | 1:58 p.m.

Hey friends!
I would like to ask for help:)

I feel like this is something which has been holding me back my whole poker "career". When I am playing poker, I am more often focus on winning (not necessarily for the sake of money) in order to prove myself that I can beat those guys, I am literally hunting for the feeling of satisfaction from winnings. Probably it has something to do with my ego, because when I am losing, it sucks a lot and not because of the amount of money I lost, but rather just the feeling of being beaten by someone. I immediately start to feel as a loser even if I lose couple of small pots in a row.

While at the same table I forget about the joy of competing.. having the opportunity to play such a game as poker is vs other guys, to test my strategy, explore new ways etc thats so much to be excited about in this trajectory..

So I would really like to get into the second mode (knowing its going to take some time..), because I feel like if I really want to succeed in poker (highstakes+) and my grind can not be driven by satisfaction from winnings..

Any thoughts on how to handle this perception would be really cool, open to even deeper feedback or discussion:)

April 16, 2021 | 2:57 p.m.

Before and after joining BrPC what do you think the biggest change in your game has been? Do you have any stats you can share for before / after for comparison?
RunItTw1ce

Well, the biggest change is that before I joined BrPC I was just playing a guessing game, didnt really understand from which part of the game tree I am generating ev. Now, I clearly see that those are the hotspots where my ev is coming from.. and in some tough spots I just know that even if I dont know whats the best decision, I dont care, because the ev difference is so tiny.. So I would say that, I am focusing on things which matters.. like the Paret principle...
I was also so pussy and had many misconceptions that the pool is operating in some way.. just based on nothing.. literally, I was playing exploitative poker before seeing the data.

I'm also curious on some of the details. Not sure how flexible the contracts are, if only cashing out after 18 months? If each it's total profit 50/50 after 18 months? Or as you move up or BR gets big if you are allowed to cash out certain amount every couple months. I know Saulo said he is not going to let his students suffer from not being able to pay bills, so I assume it's some what flexible and based on communication rather than a concrete contract. Also curious what happens if you lack volume for the month, if you are signed for playing 35k hands+ a month, what happens when you only achieve 20k hands? Do you need to make up the 15k hands in the future?

Well, its way more flexible.. you have the option to cash out every single month the part of your split, in addition you can ask for some advance money in case you have got some unexpected advances.. which is kinda cool, I mean it actually makes sense from their perspective to be quite open and willing to help even more.. to show that, they arent here only for making money.
Well you can take some days off if you arent able to reach the minimum threshold..
simingforever
You are asked to withdraw all the money you have before you start playing and then they will deposit your account with their money. Basically you are not going to play with our money at any time, only with theirs.

And guys, hope to see at least some of you today!!:))

April 12, 2021 | 12:29 p.m.

Comment | MatoStar commented on New beginnings

Peteeeeer

any update? :P :D

Think you can tell also other guys where you are currently at :D

No spoilers haha

Wish you best of luck my friend!

April 12, 2021 | 9:22 a.m.

Comment | MatoStar commented on Mobius Poker Blog

Hey Patrick!

Cool post, definitely +EV for most RIO guys (myself incl.)!
However, I actually feel like I am at the opposite side :D Having many social activities, volunteerings etc that I am not spending as much time on poker as I would like to :D
But I cant imagine not having those activities no matter my profession.. Because I would say the side benefit is also the increased likelihood of you being in the right mental state (cause you have way more balanced life) which inevitably means less tilting at the table which transform into higher EV play and thats I think really counterintuitive - by studying/grinding slightly less and putting this time in another area to get closer to a balanced life you can gain more EV in the long run..

Btw whats your life vision and how poker is there involved? If its not too personal. I am asking, cause I have been struggling with this one a little bit.. and for the most part always come in to the mode that what I am doing is kinda selfish

April 12, 2021 | 9:14 a.m.

TWITCH STREAMING

Hey guys,

Maybe some of you have noticed, but for the ones that did not, BrPC has started doing twitch streams every Monday (at 9pm). First one was with Saulo and Zinhao reviewing their hands from 25/50, then 500z and 200z live play with other coaches. Its kinda cool since its like a free coaching..
However, for the next Monday, Zinhao is going to talk with BrPC members that moved up this month (incl.myself:)). Soo its going to be a big opportunity where you can directly ask those BrPC members or even Zinhao anything you want! It will be 12/04 (Mon) starting at 9pm CET!

Happy to see you there:)

https://www.twitch.tv/brpokercrew

Btw I am gonna answer your question soon:)

April 9, 2021 | 12:59 p.m.

If you achieve X # of hands required for the month but have two sites, can you play on another site with your money or breach of contract?

Hmm, tbh I dont know, but since I play only on stars reg tables, I dont care about that.. cause I play only 4 tables so theres not much room to think about it atm.
However, coaches are doing your DB review, seeing your stats etc.. so I mean its quite valuable to play for them. Additionaly, if you make X thousands money your profit will increase by some %, so thats another incentive for not doing that..
At the end, I would rather just focus on improving my game and become really great player at the end of the contract than just chasing few hundred bucks more...

Congrats on the instant gratification of hard work. While low stakes do have a lot of fish its often the higher stakes that has the whales.

haha, yeah could be true, but dont think that nl10-25 have less fishes or whales.. additionally, at nl100 you can finally see some good regs who are implementing strategies you see solver often uses (more overbets, bigger flop sizings, bluffing w underpairs otr etc..)

April 1, 2021 | 1:23 p.m.

MONTHLY UPDATE

Hey guys, another great month in BrPC is over!
I have to say that this month in terms of results was so far the best in my life!

I was feeling great overall, really motivated to study, to grind and to talk to other guys in the team! I started to play mostly evenings from 7pm till midnight (gonna reflect the grinding time at late hours, bc tables are good, but its not that healthy at the same time..)

Brief summary for this month:

  • First time in my life I took a shot at nl100 online!

  • I was moved up to Tier 2!

  • I started to see a tangible improvement in my game and its really amazing feeling!

  • I wasnt studying as much, so gonna dive deeper into certain spots this month as well as do some study ssn with my team mates:)

  • feel so excited in the moment due to the results.. still remembering myself that I am only 20yrs old and this just a beginning of this big journey of becoming one of the best poker player in the world!!

April 1, 2021 | 1:16 p.m.

Hey crushers!

Just a quick info before the month summary:

I am really happy and grateful at the same time to be in the Tier 2! Its really cool feeling after only 2 months in the team to move up to the next tier :))

I also started to play at nl100 as I mentioned (never playing those stakes online before), so you can imagine a bit of a stress.. however, I am running really hot and its for sure going to be the best month in my life in terms of winnings.

In addition, I feel really great overall, already did one study ssn with my new team mates and it went really nice as well!

However, besides poker I am spending some time on volunteering stuff, so combined with poker and all my other habits sometimes it can get really tough. Anyway, I am really motivated to study, to play basically to live!

So lets continue crushing!

March 30, 2021 | 5:36 p.m.

17. ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS

Hey guys, in this post, I am only gonna focus on question posted by you guys above. So lets do it!

Tell me about your schedule, how much time do you spend on poker in general?

Tbh, I am not tracking my study time, but our requirement for reg tables is 35k hands, so it is about 110h since I am currently playing only on stars. Having 2h of coaching a week + my individual study which might be 10h a week, it might be around 160h a month. Like a full-time job with the exception that I do that whenever I want and I am really passionate about it:)
Not having any strict schedule for times I study/play, but for the most part my studies are in the morning and grinding hours are afternoon/evenings simply because games are better. However, its mainly because I am not a strict/schedule person, I really enjoy doing things, because I want, not because I have to and having set times for my activities I love to do attracts the have to paradigm...

Also, you said it's a small stable, but when you look at your site, there are many photos of the players. Maybe it's just all the players they have and had...

HeavyMask Yeah, those players are the ones who are currently in the stable. There are few exceptions of guys who didnt want to be published and the guys who joined recently (incl.myself).

I assume based on the number of hands and win rate these are regular tables?

RunItTw1ce
Well, since it was my first month, I was playing less tables to fully focus on integrating our blueprint strategy correctly. So its 18k zoom and 14k are reg tables.

Are you going to stay focused on regular tables or do you want to play more zoom?

I will probably play what my coaches says is going to be best for me since they are more experienced than I am. Both has some pros and cons.

Pokerstars is four tables max? Would be great if you can avoid zoom
and actually play 8-12 regular tables instead.

Yeah, four table max.. kind of sucks, esp. if I want potentially play some high stakes. Dont have answered this question yet, cause there are some country restrictions going on, so that I can play only at stars or gg atm. But if a situation like this occur, I think I might have enough money to decide to go to other country where I could be able to play more sites.

What is the study routine with BrPC like?
-Community study?
-Individual study?
-Here is the blue print - go study?

We have 2 coachings per week, one live session and one coaching session with like 4 more guys.
Also have channel for streaming/studying, so far I used that few times and I think its really cool, because everyone there wants to improve, get better. Only issue is that some guys are speaking only in portugese, so you know :D
Regarding the blueprint: yeah, from the beginning its more about self-study, but if guys have any questions/doubts, they can ask on our discord server. I would say like first week or so, its about getting familiar with their methodology, but after then its kinda up to you whether you want to study with someone or in your own. You can still ask questions and get responses by other players and our coaches.

-Individual coaching? What are your grinding hours?

I think 1on1 coaching is from tier Elite - 500nl+, but there is also reward called player of the month which is for every Tier and then you get free coaching 1on1 with Saulo or Zinhao.
Grinding hours as I mentioned, are mostly afternoons/evenings and Friday-Sunday. Sometimes I actually wonder whether the poker ev gained by playing those hours is worth it compared to decreasing life ev a little bit. Because no one wants to hang out on Wednesday morning or so :D However, its a bit easier to sacrifice the life ev during the corona crisis I would say.

What point in time do you think they will advise you to take shots at 100NL

:)) Few days ago, I got permission to play nl100! So yeah, really happy about it and hope its just a beginning of this journey!

Lets continue crushing guys!
Cheers

March 20, 2021 | 11:15 a.m.

DNegs98 Really great advice! Recommend to follow this guy:P giving away many free golden nuggets..

if you get significantly better than your current stake you'll move up in no time at all

Play to improve, don't play to make money and you'll accidentally do both

Well yeah, however, I feel like I got it at a conscious level you know, but I am struggling with the practice part. Sometimes it goes well, but there are times where my subconscious wants to have an immediate proof that I can be a winner. It doesnt care about long-term whatever, it just wants to win now to satisfy needs of my ego. Obviously, this is not a conscious thinking process.

As I said, sometimes it goes well = I am able to be strongly aware of whats going on in my head, therefore every single irrational thoughts go away, because I am conscious enough to be able to recognize that. This results in playing in a way you described - play to improve.

However, there is also the mentioned other side of coin. The times where my conscious levels are not high enough to be able to recognize what my subconscious is creating and therefore I just fall into that trap where I blindly believe I have some control over myself/ my thoughts. But in reality, its far from the truth, cause my main focus is just to win a hand or ssn and yeah its funky how unaware I can be in that state haha. So my question on you would be, how to train to boost your conscious levels (while playing a ssn)?

March 18, 2021 | 1:26 p.m.

Hey mate:)
I will try to answer as soon as possible!

March 16, 2021 | 11:02 p.m.

Hey everyone

So it's been around 40 days since I joined BrPC.
First of all, it's going to be really subjective and biased, but at the same also honest.
Before diving into that, just wanna say that I'm sort of an exceptional case mainly due to my age (being only 20yrs old, youngest guy there:), because my overall approach even before joining BrPC was to make it as a poker pro (skipped university). So if you see you're basically going All In on poker, such an opportunity like this seems to be kinda amazing.

That said, I joined the BrPC with such a mindset of a player who is really hungry for success, who trust their methodology. This is really important when you're joining any stable, because you'll avoid some self-sabotaging esp. when you're at the table, playing a ssn, it kinda determinates your level of confidence. Not only that, also your overall attitude towards the stable. I think this is specially important when joining BrPC or Poker Detox (cause their style is highly explo).

Time for the first graph, just nl50 on stars:

Yeah, so far so good. Continuing with that mood, I think really big benefit which is sometimes hard to realize is the amount of support you're getting and the feeling that whatever doubts you have, you can ask and get really decent answer. Moreover, the reason why many people stuck, it's not because they're bad, but because the direction they took is not worth it. Well, I can't say that BrPC is the best way, but for now, I feel like when I'm going wrong which esp. at early stage of our poker carriers happen pretty often, I get corrected by the ones whose already been through that cycle. So comparing studies on my own, I feel like at that time, many things I was just trying to figure out on my own and spending too much time in certain areas which weren't really worth it.

Another aspect which I'm not sure you can really find even in other stables is the community.
1. It's Brazilian Crew - maybe you already know, but those guys are so friendly, energetic and funky that it creates a nice place for building good relationships and having a lot of fun (even outside of poker)
2. It's still a small stable - which means that the relationships are more personal and the value of the community is even higher.

Of course, there are some cons as always. So far the biggest one for me is the amount of time which I need to dedicate for poker than I would sometimes like to. This may not be a disadvantage for everyone, but with my habits and interests- enough sleep, exercise, meditation, swimming (in a cold water), family-time, time for myself, for my friends etc and also I'm attending leadership academy program.. sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed. It's like almost everything I do I perceive as really valuable, but now I have to cut a little bit. However, I should be really careful with cutting those activities and do it in a rational/intentional way.
For instance: if I skip one time a week family dinner, for the next week I need to make sure that I won't skip that again and rather skip a call with my friends or so. Just to always keep some balance between everything I'm gonna do.

At the end, I'd just add that I'm quite happy with writing these words and also that you guys are interested in. Obviously there's no magic pill, so something which works for me doesn't have to work for you and vice versa.
Just a final thought, I really feel like I can hit big in poker (maybe just biased by results or whatever), but given my age and awareness over the pool I'm currently in, I have a vision of becoming one of the best ones in this industry!
Lets continue crushing!

March 11, 2021 | 8:48 p.m.

Thanks guys, nice to hear that:)

I think tomorrow I can make a brief summarization with my results so far, overall feelings etc.

You should tell this to David Goggins

Haha, I think once I met him, I definitely will! :D

March 10, 2021 | 10:31 p.m.

15. Building my Identity

Hey my friends!

Today I would like to write a bit about my identity and why only knowing about the variance is not enough in order to avoid emotional-based decisions.

Okay so first of all: Whatever you gonna do in life, if you are not mentally stable in the first place, you wont be able to achieve your personal maximum. In other words, you wont reach your full potential which is quite sick, isnt it?
In poker words: if you know that variance is there and you may experiment long periods of downswing, thats definitely gonna help you, however, the problem is still not over in most cases. The reason being is our ego. This is something super strong and its usually happening in our sub-conscious, so its really hard for us to realize that. Our ego works in a way of satisfactions from demands, so it always wants to reach some achievements, because it thinks that once we get there, we will be satisfied/happy (whatever you call it). Whats actually happening in reality is that, we see the picture created by our ego system and every time we arent moving towards our goal, guess what happens? Our mind (driven by ego) evaluates that as a failure, which will immediately translates to our overall mood and feelings.
So, the main problem is that we are not able to be making only steps which are leading towards our goals. From that, it doesnt really make sense to build anything on our short-term results, because its not under our control. However, this is not enough to avoid tilting and uncontrolled emotional responses.

The ego is still there and if after somewhat longish period of time you havent achieved what you (your ego system) wanted, you will feel miserable. This is something which creates pressure on us in short-term period, because the long-term results are products of the short-term ones. Another problem with this mostly sub-concious egosystem is that once you achieve what you want (crushing micro/low/mid/high stakes, owning a villa, power etc) you will feel satisfied, however, only for limited period of time! Sooner or later, your levels of happiness and satisfaction goes down and you will be in the similar position than you were before. So for instance, you can be working hard 1,2,5,10 years (in pain, depressions but with the vision that one day you will be there) in order to achieve what you really wanted. Afterwards you are there, enjoying the situation for like few days weeks or in rarely cases even months. However, after that, you are almost in a same situation as you were before - your mind (driven by ego) is hungry for another achievement and wont be satisfied/happy unless you will get there.
Hope you see where the problem is coming from, you can actually stop reading here and try to figure it out on your own;)

The biggest issue is how our mind operates. Ofc its a powerful tool, but it has some downsides. Just imagine how often you use your mind on a daily basis. Then think about how often do you actually use it intentionally. This is probably the crucial part why I really recommend to everyone to start to be an observer of your mind. It brings you another dimension where every time your mind will generate some thoughts, ideas.. you wont be that detached to that, because you are observing that at the same time. You will be no longer blindly defending your opinion, just to hold a truth.
My mind sometimes go crazy, create spewy ideas/scenarios, think about the past/future, but once you realize whats going on, you will get rid of all no sense patterns. They wont exist once you raise awareness over them. Based on that, I am always trying to not identify my mind.
That said, I really wanted to build my identity on something which is under my control and at the same time I can also identify with that. I found something which by increasing, I am also boosting all other areas in my life - so I am building my identity on a level of self-awareness.

What does that mean in practice? It usually means that my focus is primarily on how wakeful I actually am. Trying to observe which patterns my mind typically use in annoying situations and dont judge myself for any kind of pattern which I spotted, because that would inevitably means that I am identifying with my mind. Whats really cool about this approach is that, whatever happens its not gonna have any impact on you, because you are just focusing on your self-awareness- thats your job, nothing else:)

Alright, should be more than enough even though, I could imagine writing about this topic for hours.
Hope you get some value out of there!
Appreciate any discussion, comments or suggestions:)

Cheers

March 10, 2021 | 1:02 p.m.

Hey crushers!

Yesterday I did have a decent upswing (~7bi). Sounds cool, right? Yeah, I wont lie, at first glance, it felt great, amazing you know that feeling for sure.

However, I am actually trying not to give it too much weight, because the amount of emotions involved in such an upswing is similar to the amount while I am on downswing and that can be quite destructive. That said, I want to focus primarily on making good decisions, because thats the only thing I can control. Results arent under my control (at least not the short-term ones). I could have made same decisions in a session and lose or win 2,5,10 buy ins, thats how the variance works.

From that, I want to really pay attention to not give many emotions to a winning/losing session. So my goal for the next post is: trying to spot every single time I feel good/bad during or after the ssn based on results

Cheers

Feb. 19, 2021 | 3:09 p.m.

Any news after more than a month my friend? :)

How do you handle the situation mentally? Are you still motivated to study as you were before?

Cheers

Feb. 18, 2021 | 4:03 p.m.

Just be active, join many discord groups, make poker friends...

Feb. 18, 2021 | 3:59 p.m.

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