Punished and totally defeated
I have stomach ache when I sit down at the tables, whenever I got deal a premium which isn't AA, I always fear of losing the hand.
Perception is always biased so I've check my DB and I gut feeling was right. I'm doing really bad with those hands.
My showdown winnings are below 0 which means I've been consistently unlucky over many hands and I always be up against the top part of villains' ranges.
It's hard to win at poker in general, it's even harder when you are losing often and big pots with hands that should crush.
This is somewhat funny because, at nosebleeds, players play less volume than mine in 2 months, so I really cannot imagine how run affects those results.
I'm not even remotely strategically strong, but against my opposition which is 3+ whales per table it isn't hard to show a profit, at least, in theory.
This is depressing.
I've increased my volume since I've started this journal, I play more and study more, instead of being rewarded I'm constantly punished.
I begin to pay a huge mental toll for that.
My motivation dropped, my morale took a nosedive and you can imagine how this affects my life outside poker.
I wanted to join PD or BrPC but I'm way behind pace for that. It's a shame because the reason for this journal was to demonstrate my value. If I would apply and send my last 2 months, they probably laugh at me. If I would have run better it would be completely different.
Not only my results would be better, but my mind would be confident and hungry to win. Both CFPs requires an interview, if they talk to me right now, they will insta-kick because I would sound defeated.
Jan. 26, 2021 | 11:16 a.m.
I'm not positve to include 77 or 88 into the UTG 4x open, that's the reason I've ruled out any set combo on this flop.
If he got those combos, betting small could work because we can still get value from worse, but I don't think he got them in the first place.
I'm interested in this spot, because I found myself often in this spot OTT, where I am crushed if my shove get called, but at the same time, half of the deck can easily help villain out.
Jan. 25, 2021 | 7:35 p.m.
When you import GG hands, the code of the players remain the same? I mean, can you investigate specific players' tendencies or GG voluntary scrambles HHs in order to avoid that?
Anyway, you talk about exploitative folds OTR but, without data you can't say whether it is good or bad. So be careful assuming players never bluffs this size or that it feels a value bet.
You assume that players think as you do, but it isn't true a all.
Jan. 25, 2021 | 7:06 p.m.
I think your 3bet is way too big given his raise size, I would make it 14.
he has range adv, the only set that I have is 99
Dunno whether he got set advantage bth, raising 4BB with any pair that flopped a set it's kinda strange. Anyway you have a little more overpairs than him, also, given that SPR, you should be less worried to be up against sets
Ott I check because this card is better for him, I dont really have 9xs in my 3bet range in this positions
Turn card doesn't changed any range, and it is make less like he got 99 or 9x.
OTT I would shove but I'm not confident because we'll be snapped by QQ+ and get a fold from anything else. At the same time, a Q or K or an A would be a disaster. So our hand needs protection, is likely to be ahead OTT but shoving doesn't accomplish much.
Ok, I'm confused by my own thought process, let's say for more competent players
Jan. 25, 2021 | 6:59 p.m.
Don't take this as an attack but I think:
- You play a small volume
- You overestimate your edge
- You underestimate the luck in the game
- Don't realize that since you are playing vs total fish, you will going to see more suck outs because they chase more often
May I ask you how many hands have you played in your lifetime and, on average, how many hands you play in a month? Just to understand on what volume we are talking about
For the sake of curiosity...in a 90k hands sample, this is how I perform with KK
I don't think it is rigged, I only think I don't grasp how brutal could be variance.
To some extent, it's very hard to grasp for anyone.
The lucky player who run hot may have his perception completely flawed as well, like yours.
My best advice is to take a break from the game, watch actively as many videos as you can and go from there.
Best of luck
Jan. 24, 2021 | 10:50 p.m.
I think CFP like this one will fast-track your progress so it will be +EV in the long term.
The amount you'll make in a year with them even when you take into account that you'll share profit, will be much more than you would do alone imo.
Also, the sense of going forward with a team, a full bankroll guarantee (no pressure to win basically but only focusing on improving) is outstanding.
I would like to join BrCP or Poker Detox asap, so we might be on the same boat
Best of luck
Jan. 24, 2021 | 5:08 p.m.
the I feel so unlucky and the world is unjust especially towards me
I was obsessed with AI EV, it was like a masturbatory thing, when I run bad, I like to see my EV line above the actual profits, but this is just non-sense.
So... I've modified my DB so I cannot show it anymore.
Jan. 24, 2021 | 9:49 a.m.
Unfortunately converting a PDF to an epub isn't always easy. PDFs have strange format that cannot be converted properly. It's like to import an HH into a unsupported tracker website.
Anyway, I've understand your reasons and I'm on board with that
Jan. 24, 2021 | 9:45 a.m.
I haven't reach my 40 hours goal but I haven't even try tbh. My motivation is low probably because my short-term plans evaporated.
I started this blog in December, planning to quit staking at the end of that month. In January I would play with my own money and save months of expenses and then, apply in February to big CFPs.
It's the end of January and I still have to clear make up with my staker, I'm well behind schedule.
I've also begin to track some basic habits, like wake up and going to sleep at specific times and I've failed consistently. The only thing which is improved is my focus on my short-term results, I didn't check my results for the entire week.
Since I've opened the blog
g This week
As you might see, my AI-EV is 0 and it will always be since yesterday. I've modified my database so I cannot display the stat anymore since its value is always zero.
I don't want to be obsessed with luck anymore, my whine is just an ego-protection mechanism and it's time to get rid of it, for good. I've got 5 BB/100 winrate over a very very big sample, even if I break that sample down, I still got the same winrate. This means I have that small edge, even if I think I got a least a double-digit.
So really, what I was complaining about? It is embarassing, and it was even more embarassing when I've watched Polk joking about DNegs run. I've realized that I am just like Daniel, a fish.
I really think get into PD or BrPC is the way to go. This month I've received a couple of PMs and talked to other players who helped me a lot in many different ways. I felt, not alone in this battle, and it was a blessing. I thank them from my heart.
That's why I think entering a team is a must for me.
Jan. 23, 2021 | 12:43 p.m.
Any chance to see your books on Kindle?
Jan. 22, 2021 | 4:50 p.m.
Also be aware that those curve doesn't tell you how many big/small pots have you win/lose, so it could be even more misleading.
I found myself to check the bell curve quite a lot but I realize it is close to a masturbatory/obsession thing.
You shouldn't even open the tab imo
Jan. 18, 2021 | 4:41 p.m.
Be aware that PT4 is buggy as hell and when you select draws you encounter issues
You have to remove (straight draw on any street) like I show you below
Interesting question, I've filtered in PT4 and I'm BE in a 400k hands sample size
(Hands = total times I got an 8 card straight draw)
Anway, I'm sure I play my draws like a donk but it could be that I hit very rarely
Jan. 18, 2021 | 1:06 a.m.
I wish I understood the mechanics behind, but I do not. My tilt issue has been a lot less present.
I guess problems are buried a lot deeper than we think...
Maybe it stems from other reasons like you had/have an issue with your life and it's affecting your mental game when you are at the tables
Jan. 17, 2021 | 10:05 a.m.
Although very impressive and creative, do you think your scripting and learning flow charts etc are a form of procrastination?
Yes, certainly it is. I guess it all comes down to my perfectionism which, in the end, is a form of procrastination. Although I play and study a lot more than before and could you my time in a better way, like you said.
Also, get your application in for poker detox
I would apply but I'm currently staked, and it wouldn't be fair. I will complete my contract which is an open one, basically I can leave whenever I want as long I'm not in MU, play with my own money for a bit and then apply.
I'm 100% get into PD or BrPC or any other big CFP group will be a turning point in my life
Jan. 17, 2021 | 10:02 a.m.
This week was an excruciating one and I'm writing this post afe but you know what? I'm proud of what I've done. When I look back I can see many improvements I just have to keep pushing myself to get better and better everyday.
The results will just take care of themselves.
Results from the start of the blog
Results from this year
I find this graphs somewhat amusing, since for every player who run like this, there is another one who doesn't lose a pot since 2008 and believe he's God. But I guess, that's what poker is about and the whole industry runs on illusions like this
I haven't achieved my weekly goals, but I don't care tbh. For me, it is extremely difficult to grind when everything is going wrong. In the past I would just take days and days off, this week, I fighted and put in the works, no matter what.
I didn't reach my 40 hours of poker, but I'm still very proud to still endure
Also, I haven't work for my secondary goals.
I continue to have erratic sleep schedules and I'm still obsessed with short-term winnings. The last point depends on how I run, if I run even so and so, I don't feel the urge to check them, but when I lose for weeks, I cannot resist
I'm still not consistent throughout the week
The white line should always be above 360 and not it shouldn't have those huge swings. Once I've padded my roll, I'm 100% sure I won't have this issue since I will feel more confident
I've build an easy script to keep track of my study time. Previously I used pencil and paper but that was not optimal. Instead, now I have a semi-automated script that lightens my work so I can focus on what's truly counts
If I lay down on my chair, with legs straight and with my gamepad in my hands, my sessions are longer, more enjoyable (or just less painful) and my thought process more clear.
I've build a script that display a annoying box if I use the mouse instead of my pad
Jan. 16, 2021 | 12:11 p.m.
Ty for your words.
I've subscribed to your journal and I hope to see some bright future updates.
Don't worry, we can't play at the same table, I play in a segregated market and it is highly unlikely you also play there :)