HeavyMask's avatar

HeavyMask

496 points

The nearest casino is 100 km away from me, but I don't have enough money behind to sustain the potential losses. So I just skip

April 16, 2022 | 8:13 a.m.

Gladly I don't play live :D

Enjoy Easter man, take care

April 15, 2022 | 11:26 p.m.

You already know this, but you're not supposed to be right most of the time, not when bluff catching at least. If someone bets 50% of the pot they only need to be bluffing 33% of the time, if someone bets 66% of the pot they only need to bluffing 40% of the time, and if they bet 75% of the pot they only need to be bluffing 42% of the time.

You got me, I've explained myself wrong and obv you are right

I will say taking this step opens up a few doors people will start to share with you personally how they handle situations like yours

Yeah ofc, there are some guys that DM me in order to help me with the disease. These gestures for me are remarkable because you pretty much nailed, I've exposes my weakness and people sympathize with me

April 15, 2022 | 11:25 p.m.

Ty Austin :)

Well, I'm not looking for the perfect play but for a model that is right most of the times, but the main point is that, I've paid for something I don't fully use. Imagine buying a car and use only 3 days a year, doesn't sound that smart.

Regarding the other things, it's very clear that I got serious mental leaks. Tbh I cannot wrap my head around the fact people are so confident in poker, even if most of players, just lose as you said. It seems I'm the only one who got doubts and this driving insane because I feel dumb

April 15, 2022 | 8:01 a.m.

I suck

There are no better words to describe my skillset at poker. While it’s hurting me at the same time, I realize that I have a huge room for improvement and I should be grateful for that. Instead of feeling hopeless and blaming bad luck for my abysmal results, I should point the finger toward myself.

Right now I’m running close to 80 Bis under expected and yet, I don’t feel unlucky at all, quite the contrary, I’ve luckboxed for years and I don’t know how I can still be in the game with basically 0 skills. I’ve entered a CFP one year ago, I paid for the content that I didn’t use, or at least, I don’t deploy the strategy I should have learned.
Only a lazy ass could squander this opportunity
Well, I’m 1 year late now, but I fully commit to change as a player. No more BS, I have to focus on the things that matter.

We have addressed 2 main problems in my games, ie not calling enough on the river and folding too much on the flop. I fear monsters under my bed, constantly, so I just fold and fold because this is the safest option. In my flawed mind, it’s better to lose the pot 100% of the time, instead of risking calling a bet and losing much more. Yes, for some reason I think calling will just burn money, every single time. This isn’t how poker is played and I am ashamed to admit this serious lack of fundamentals.
What I will do? Well, actually I’ve already developed a cheatsheet in order to call more OTR. There will be no judgment, no second-guessing, no BS, even though fear will be always present, I think my method will lift some of the burdens from my shoulders. If I follow the protocols, at the end of the session, I won’t be upset with myself because I folded/called and lost, instead, I should be proud of myself because I’ve followed my rules. Instead of relying on my experience, I should rely on data models.

Regarding folding too much OTF, there’s nothing I can do besides put in the working and practice, practice and practice. Once I’m sure I bluffcatch correctly I will study flops with GTOw, but let’s not do too many things at one time.
I’m very good at organizing but I’m the worst when I have to perform. So I will just focus on one thing, one thing only, and go from there

April 13, 2022 | 7:15 p.m.

Please don't mind my english, this is not my first language

Where are you from?

April 12, 2022 | 6:50 p.m.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gdHZ3wDiZc

April 6, 2022 | 7:57 p.m.

1) Totally off of social media. I actually really like it because of the memes, but I am spending way too much time on it imo and not really getting much out of it either/ I think its kinda toxic how its set up in a way

Best thing you could do mate. I wasn't into socials but I've found myself many times just scrolling IG or other s*it just for boredom. We can use better our time :)
Gl in April

March 28, 2022 | 9:21 p.m.

I think posting your daily graph could cultivate the short-term mindset issue... this is said from someone who check his results after every session :D

March 28, 2022 | 5:58 p.m.

I see and I get it completely. I'll leave my discord with a PM, add me so we can get in touch even before you enter the main team :)

March 24, 2022 | 11:07 p.m.

Comment | HeavyMask commented on Hard Work Pays Off

GocceGocce who's you coach, if you don't mind obv?

I personally think crossfit is outstanding for poker players since it is an workout social activity, when you interact and (friendly) compete with other people. It is awesome when all we do is just stare at the screen of our PCs talking to person we don't even know their faces.
I do crossfit 5 times a week and I find it complementary to our work balance

March 24, 2022 | 9:04 p.m.

#2 – Comparing two minds at different times of my life

When I was in high school, I was a very good skateboarder, who started pretty much with no talent but with hard work achieved great things. At the peak of my career, I got 2 sponsors and my technical level was outstanding, it’s very unfortunate that at the time, good smartphones weren’t available so I don’t have any footage of that, but I recall exactly how good I felt.
I was a completely different guy, the best version of me is now very distant. When I look in the mirror I cannot even recognize that person I’m staring at. I’m not sure what has changed, I still have the same problems as before, but now everything looks so ugly, severe, and permanent. I spent much of my day worrying about everything, it doesn’t matter what it is, I just worry about everything that could happen. Let’s take a look how what was occupy my mind and how it is right now.

I was so obsessed with skateboarding, pretty much breathing it every single moment of the day unless I was studying. I woke up thinking about it, I went to the school and imagine myself flipping every stair. Then, I come home, have a very quick lunch, and 40 minutes later, I was already out for my 6-hour non-stop practice.
It was me and my skate, nothing else mattered.
I had solid habits that I haven’t questioned once. The idea of skipping a skate day wasn’t an available option. Results follow through obviously.

Then everything changed, I quit skating due to university, which I failed pretty hard because I wasn’t interested in. I was pretty poor throughout my life while existence and when poker entered my life it let me savor many things I haven’t in the past. I don’t blame poker for my failings, I blame myself to not fully exploiting its potential. I think getting adult exposed all my unaddressed weaknesses which I had In the past, but I was too focused on skateboarding to see them. This is a topic not for a poker forum but my therapist :D

All I know is that, right now, my mind is full of shit and what matters (poker) is just a small slice of the cake.
I don’t think a quick-fix is available, since my behavior is rooted deep down inside of me, I guess therapy will do wonders. What I can do to put a patch on it is to devise my environment to minimize worries and distractions, waiting for the lifetime-fix.

Minimize cellphone time
I’m pretty lucky that I can power off my phone without consequences. I don’t work with it, friends and GF knows how to find me, so there’s really no reason to have it by hand. In the past, I’ve powered it off for 3 weeks straight and it was liberating. The sense of freedom was so empowering, but most importantly, I regained focus on myself, no more BS from telegram groups, friends, or junk stuff.
Ideally, I’d like to obliterate my phone, it was so good when all we had were SMS, but practically it won’t last. I’ll have to use it and be available sometimes, so I have to minimize its influence. Right now I have a working routine that will be tweaked in the near future:
- When I return home I leave the phone in the car
- I use Whatsapp web with my GF for 30ish minutes and then the phone power off itself by 9.40 PM (so if I want to communicate I have to take my phone back, a thing that I don't do)
- I will touch again my phone when I leave home again, the next day, to go to the library in the early afternoon

Now, this routine is far from perfect, and sometimes I don’t stick to it, but when I do, my day is completely different. If I don’t have the phone by hand, I cannot check messages, socials, or see the last news. I've encountered two problems that won’t let the routine stick. The first one is when I have to break my routine because I have to speak with someone and the other one is when I regain control of my phone I binge on it. As I’m writing this I think I’ve found a way to avoid the former, if I have to communicate I can deactivate the auto shutdown in the evening, it will allow me to still use the WhatsApp web interface.
I don’t have a quick solution for the latter, I’ve tried to install FocusMe on it (more on this later) but it is too cumbersome and it is definitely not viable. I think I have to try different things and see what works. From tomorrow I won’t power the phone off till 5,30 PM. This should prevent me to waste time on it in the early afternoon when all I have to do is study poker. I don’t text anyone in the afternoon, so there’s no reason to use it.

Focus me

This is a software that basically blocks what I want, and I've blocked Chrome and browsers in general, the only thing I can do is to play/study poker. If I want to disable it, I have to digit a 200 random character string, which is pretty time-consuming, so this is doing his work, acting as a deterrent.
I have to install it on my second pc and my laptop, but for now, on my main pc is great, so great that I've snap purchased it

March 24, 2022 | 8:51 p.m.

Ty for your warm comment, I really appreciate that.
I don't think money is the main thing here, but the lack of movement. It's like being stuck while time is passing... everyone is advancing but you.
Even if money isn't the main thing, it is crucial... there were times that I haven't even able to cure myself because I lack of money.
I'll try my best to change the course of my life.

Ty for your time mate, I wish you the best :)

March 24, 2022 | 7:42 p.m.

Hey mate... I swear to god that a few days ago I've looked you up on 2p2, looking for updates, but you haven't posted any. I thought that maybe you had something in real life, I hope you are ok and you are doing great.
Can't wait to see you aboard, you already know who I am there :)
Best of luck mate

March 24, 2022 | 7:38 p.m.

Post | HeavyMask posted in Chatter: Dispelling Invisibility

Here's the link to my previous journal

Who I am
I'm a long-time micro-stakes player that never moved up and have amassed 4M hands fighting for peanuts and suffering a ton in the process.

(graph not updated for the last year and current year)

6 years ago I got ill, an undiagnosed disease that I'm still fighting today, unfortunately, as I was looking for a cure, I haven't noticed the time was passing by, and probably, I've realized it only one year ago when I decided to take action.
Fast forward to now, I haven't progressed much in poker and most importantly in life.


2021 was another disaster, for some strange reason I thought it to be my year while in reality, it was a copy of the years before with the same result: being stuck at the same point. Flipping burgers at Mcdonald's would yield more money with less stress, to be fair, even cleaning toilets part-time would let me accrue more.
This new year hasn't started better, I continue to behave as I always used to and I should expect the same results.

I take 101% responsibility for this, I cannot blame anyone but myself, at the same time, I don't want to judge myself too harshly since I'm fighting an uphill battle. Every day I am in pain, sometimes it is so strong that I cannot even focus properly. I still wake up every morning with the willingness to move forward, to get unstuck, and to live a fulfilling life (pain-free).

After more than one year I can see why my previous journal was a total failure for me. At that time it wasn't clear, I thought I wanted to document my climb through the ranks, but it wasn't the case. I was waiting for people to save me, to do the work for me, to understand my pain and to sympathize with me. This was doomed from the beginning, I'm the only one who is responsible to carry the burden of his own life and I'm the only one who has to move his ass off in order to get better. I can get a hand for sure, but I have to do the 99% of the rest and rightfully so.

Well, I wasn't fair, I've got one thing from the previous blog, and it was the sense of being visible to others, to exist in the world. When I kept my blog private, no one didn't know I even existed, but once I published I've got a sense as the invisibility curse got lifted. It hasn't changed my life and surely people don't care about me, but it was better, that's the reason why I resume blogging.

Although I get up every day with a knife between my teeth, I've realized my current condition has to change for good, because if it doesn't, one day I will lose the desire to fight. After so many years of struggling, I'm proud of myself since I haven't given up, but I haven't received any positive feedback for my battles, I've just paid a huge toll.

In the first posts, I will elaborate on what went really wrong in the last year and in my life in general, looking to avoid the same errors in the future, a thing that I haven't done once in my life.

When I wrote in the previous journal, I was eager to see someone posting in it. It was something like: "Here's my problem, solve it for me" this is nothing but madness. I'm the only one responsible for saving myself from the pit I'm into, although any comment from other players would be a total gift.

I will change the tone of the content too. Even though I've opened myself to showing my weakness, many times I've just refrained from posting because I feared someone could attack me. But let's be honest, I'm a fish both at poker at life, the point I'm in right now reflects exactly who I am and where I stand on the social ladder. A lot of my thoughts are just dead wrong and I don't have to hide them, if I was right I wouldn't be in this spot.

March 15, 2022 | 9:52 p.m.

Cmonnnnnn LFG Dan, best of luck my friend

Feb. 25, 2022 | 4:41 p.m.

In, best of luck mate

Feb. 1, 2022 | 9:09 p.m.

[x] top-tier crusher

Jan. 22, 2022 | 10:05 a.m.

How can I adjust the preflop ranges vs different player types? I'm not looking for the common things like, open tighter and 4bet lighter vs an aggro 3bettor, but a more sound and theoretical approach. So if I tweak a range I'd like to know why and that should be supported by mathematics. The problem is that I got no idea where to look and what to look for.

Let's take an extreme example, we are OTB and we want to open vs a big whale in the BB. Postflop he donks 3 streets atc, how can I find my optimal range and my max exploitative range?

Jan. 18, 2022 | 11:08 p.m.

I've about to reach 70 stacks under EV and I don't know why I keep on being that unlucky. It feels like I start every session with a handicap and after more than a year (400k hands) running this shit, it is taking a huge toll on me tbh.
Yes, I'm a big fish as you all might know that
Yes, I'm not doing 100% of what I could do
but, the results seem way too unfair and I cannot deal with it. Every session is a burden, every turn is a nightmare, and dunno what to do. Now, I don't want to bring any negativity, especially since most of the guys are experiencing a good/normal run, that to them seems a normal rant, but I'd like to know if you experience anything like that, and if you have, if you can tell me some advice or just feel just understood <3. Imho, most things in life could only be understood whether you have experienced that, so the rich cannot understand the poor and the sun runner cannot understand the other clone player who mirrors his run but on the wrong side. Again, I could be wrong...

The best word that describes what I'm feeling right now is impotent
I think having a run like this could impact the outlook and self-confidence of pretty much anyone, but I could be wrong ofc
Obv the whole thing makes me feel like a pure failure. I've played 300k hands in the contract and am still at nl50 (ok I'm a nit in BR management, but every time I shot I get punched in the face) and I see players who played 1/6 of the hands and already at nl200. Sometimes I wonder what I've done tbh

In therapy, we tackled this and other related issues, and at the end, unfortunately, in life we need feedbacks. If you get bullied over and over again, there's no way to get confidence. The only way is to stand up against those pricks and not be punched again. If you are getting punched hard there isn't a therapy that can save you. So in life and poker is equal, if I don't get any time my fair share, dark thoughts start to occupy my mind
Probably the issue here is just that I'm a fish, after seeing 10+bb/100 by pretty much anyone here, I should start to point the finger toward me instead of luck

Jan. 17, 2022 | 11:33 p.m.

RunItTw1ce pbb = probably?

Jan. 5, 2022 | 12:33 a.m.

RunItTw1ce I resonate with what you said but plz remind yourself that you winrate is high regardless of coolers, you should be proud of yourself

Jan. 3, 2022 | 5:50 p.m.

Comment | HeavyMask commented on Stoic - This is Me

First, well second actually.... gl my friend

Jan. 3, 2022 | 12:16 a.m.

IAmNeo Ty for the comment,I will try my best for sure

RunItTw1ce ty as well, gonna listen to the podcasts in 5 minutes ;)

Jan. 2, 2022 | 7:47 p.m.

Auto subbed :) LFG

Jan. 2, 2022 | 7:44 p.m.

Comment | HeavyMask commented on That's my new path

You are a great guy mate, I wish you really the best in everything.
Gl next year

Dec. 31, 2021 | 12:35 p.m.

End-on-the-year couple of random thoughts:
- My habits become better and better every day and I realize how grind becomes effortless
- My scripting is ended, I've coded software that manages my session effectively so I have to only focus on the strategy
- The point above means that from now on I will only focus on just poker, no other things
- I shot again nl100 and realized that even if I lose some stack, after the session I'm still alive and not broke (groundbreaking for me tbh)
- I should be proud of myself, I should continue to push myself every day a little further and continue to take care of myself
- I want to run better, hopefully at higher stakes :)

This month

Total graphs since the start of the blog

Dec. 31, 2021 | 12:26 p.m.

Hi Austin, a long-due update at last.
I don't have much to say tbh, I think some players are very lucky, there are a bunch of players (who are their clones because statistics allows this) that are running much below.
The problem is, if you are at the low end of the curve and you say about your run, most of the players (who runs normal or good) don't believe you. That makes me feel more alone and more sad.
I don't have any advice, you are more wise than me, so I just hope the next year will treat you better

Dec. 16, 2021 | 12:18 a.m.

Awesome reply as usual Austin :)

Regarding the discord group, yes I'd like to be invited, ty a lot

Dec. 12, 2021 | 7:11 p.m.

Results were quite disappointing since November, but it is kinda deserved since I haven't treated poker professionally as I should. Also my habits slipped and now I oversleep and I go to the bed too much late. I haven't put in a single hour of study and I got nothing to blame but myself.
I have some issue with my Jurojin on PS that prevents me to be fully focused on the session and this could explain my poor results, at least in part. The biggest problem isn't Jurojin, is my overall mindset.

I've resumed therapy and I feel better, I'm taking care of myself for the first time in a very long time and I'm sure that, as I fix my life shit, poker will take care of itself

Dec. 11, 2021 | 12:19 p.m.

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